tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-171590422024-03-23T14:31:27.020-04:00Read This SignTrying to lose half of myself, without losing me.SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.comBlogger722125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-8614308493385284152014-02-20T14:17:00.000-05:002014-02-20T14:17:40.309-05:00Getting It TogetherSo, yeah. I'm running through life and remembering to stop and smell the roses. Things are going pretty well. Mostly due to the fact that I decided several months ago to stop drinking. Alcohol was not doing me any favors. Amazingly, the anxiety went away despite life being more hectic than ever. <br />
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My stepdad/boss had quadruple bypass surgery which leaves me to run the sign shop alone. I'm doing ok and figuring out ways to make things work, including working the second job. I decided after much self depreciating thinking that I have much to be grateful for. I'm working two jobs, keeping my home and the bills are paid. I do without a lot of extras, but honestly, life has been good to me. <br />
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I'm still in a relationship with a man and it's been almost 4.5 years. We still live separately. We've been through our ups and downs and it's nice to know that someone actually loves me. <br />
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My weight is steady, although it's higher than I'd like. I keep reminding myself that I'm still 134 pounds less than my highest weight. (Yes, doing the math means that I've gained a lot of weight.) I'm trying to eat healthy but it's tough on such a limited income. Who's idea was it to make junk food so cheap and real food expensive?<br />
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My goal is to keep getting it together. <br />
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<br />SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-41786098960931069022013-07-31T17:05:00.002-04:002013-07-31T17:06:18.937-04:00Time To Fess UpI've posted here recently about being judged. I'm coming to a point in my life where I don't care anymore. Well, that's not really true. You see, I'm a pleaser. I want everyone to like me and not think I'm a complete blithering idiot. But I also have something I really need to talk about and I just can't do that with people that know me. <br />
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I've been struggling with a lot lately. Not only my weight, but my propensity to binge drink. I only drink twice a month, but when I do, look out world because I'm going to do it up big. The other problem with this drinking is that it causes major anxiety for days. The kind that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin. Being around other people when I'm in this state is painful. I wish I would just get the normal hangover with a headache and weak stomach. I never knew this was something that is quite common. <br />
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As far back as I can remember, whenever I drank, it was almost always to excess. Keep in mind that I've gone years without drinking. In fact, I rarely think about it except when I'm staying with a "friend" every other weekend. I don't drink during the week either. The counselor that I've been seeing and I discuss whether or not I'm an alcoholic. One doesn't have to drink daily to be one. I despise that label like most people would. <br />
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Therapy has been helpful in forcing me to come to terms with why I'm such a mess. I knew that it mostly stemmed from childhood sexual abuse. I've seen the counselor cry during several of my sessions. I think she may be as tender hearted as I. It's strange to say the least but also makes me realize that the abuse was much more horrible than I ever cared to remember.<br />
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We all screw up but my question is why can't I get my crap together? <br />
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SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-65372825445041448642013-07-03T20:14:00.001-04:002013-11-17T10:21:09.039-05:00A N X I E T Y !The word anxiety used to make me smirk. I thought people who had anxiety and panic attacks could control it if they tried. I saw it as a weakness, never dreaming that I'd become one of the inflicted. My theory about why it waited so long to enter my life is that I have been so wrapped up in keeping everything perfectly together that eventually the burden on my shoulders became too much and smashed me down hard.<br />
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Luckily for me, the counselor I've been seeing has helped me begin to learn ways of controlling anxiety. I've had trouble lately though. I haven't been sleeping well. I tell myself in the morning that I'll try to sleep a little longer (both of my jobs are flexible with hours). The problem comes when my brain makes me feel like I don't deserve to sleep. "Get up, you slob! You've got too much to do to be lazing around." says my noggin. Why don't I deserve precious sleep? I feel worthless when I'm not trying to accomplish something.<br />
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My life isn't as depressing as I'm making it sound. It just feels like it's on hold. Like I have no goals. People keep asking me about my goals. For the past 21 years, my goal has been to see that my 2 daughters graduate from college and become productive members of society. We're on our way to that. The oldest is almost 21 and in her 4th year in college. The youngest will be a Senior in high school. So, I guess after next year, I need to find some new goals. People keep telling me to go back to school. Maybe someday I will but for now, I know too many well educated people without jobs. I'll keep my low paying jobs because I love what I do.<br />
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SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-46752173066688516012013-06-22T17:33:00.001-04:002013-06-22T17:33:23.830-04:00I'm SorrySeems like I say that a lot lately. I'd love to catch you up on the last few years of my life but that would take forever and honestly, who really cares? I'm not down on my life, just being real with where I am in my journey.<br />
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I'm glad that I had the wear with all to write the things I did here. Recently, I've taken to putting pen to paper with hopes that no one will ever find or read it. It's easier to write when you know it's only for you. I've found that everyone judges my every move and it's hard to find someone to talk to that isn't shaking their head at what I'm trying to tell them. A counselor has become my best friend even though I'm paying out of pocket. <br />
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On the weightloss/gain front, I'm up 50 pounds from my lowest weight. I've come to begrudgingly accept that sad fact. My weight is exactly where my weight loss surgeon said it would be which is still down 158 pounds seven years after weight loss surgery. I'm not nearly as active as I used to be. I've found that gaining weight makes my entire body hurt. I need to refocus and get back at it. It sure makes a difference in my mental health. I have lost the confidence I once had a my lowest weight. Something mentally changed and I just don't feel like I have the world on their knees. <br />
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My daughters are both doing well. One is a Senior in college and the other a Senior in high school. I've been thinking a lot about how my life is going to change a year from now when the youngest goes to college. I need to find more things to occupy my time. <br />
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On the relationship front, I'm still with the same guy (it's been almost 4 years). He still lives an hour away. I made a promise to myself not to move anyone in with me until my youngest is out of the house. She's had a pretty rough time with the divorce and her father moving his partner in nearly 3 years ago with them. I've found someone that I love more than I've ever loved any man. We also have had a hard row to hoe. I won't get into that here as I respect that he doesn't like me talking about him on the internet. (He doesn't get the whole blogging thing.) But, I also see that he loves me in a way I've never been loved. <br />
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Financially, I'm doing pretty well considering how much money I earn. The only debt I have is my house. My credit rating is around 800 and I'm pretty proud of that. I'm still living in the house and my van is paid for. Not a bad feat considering my income is about $13,000 a year. Can you believe I just told the world that? Honestly, I have everything I need. I've learned to use what I have and make the most of it. Don't get me wrong, if I miss a paycheck, I'm screwed, but overall, financially I'm squeaking by quite nicely. Child support has been pretty much non existent since the ex can't seem to keep a job. So, I can say I've done all of this by myself and it's made me stronger. I remember my apprehension when considering divorce. I was sure I couldn't make it financially on my own. IN YOUR FACE, SIGNGURL!. :)<br />
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I'm still working both jobs. The sign shop is hopping right along and I still love that job. It's amazing to look around and see that small parts of myself that are all over the area. I'm sure many of the signs will be here longer than I will. The agricultural job is also going well although I don't work many hours there. I've gotten the job down to a science so I'm there much less. <br />
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I miss my blogger friends. You have all gone with me on quite the journey that I may never have taken had I not started blogging. My hope is to come here and get brave again and pretend like no one is judging my life. <br />
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This is me today, looking much older but hopefully wiser. </div>
<br />SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-16009581519895469282012-01-19T14:59:00.009-05:002012-01-19T15:24:12.136-05:00InvisibleI'm sure you all have given up on me. Sometimes I think I have done the same. I think about blogging often. I miss it terribly. There is so much to be said for having a place to rest your brain while getting support.<br /><br />Life is still a struggle for me. I'm still working the two jobs and I love both of them. I've been in the sign business for almost 10 years and in the safety business for two years this month. The agricultural job took me into the fields this summer and fall. It was some of the most physically demanding work I've ever done but it was also awesome to know that I was capable.<br /><br />My weight continues to frustrate me. I've gained about 45 pounds back. I haven't exercised much since summer and even then, wasn't as obsessed with it as I had been in the past. Gaining weight has taught me that I need to learn again to control my behaviors. The gastric bypass surgery still limits the amount of food that I can eat, even after 5 years and I'm thankful for that. My self esteem is in the crapper. I'm disgusted with myself. It's almost like I weigh nearly 400 pounds again as I look away when people look at me in hopes that they won't see me. I'm, becoming invisible again. Fat people are sometimes treated like they are invisible. At least fat WOMEN are. I don't see that happening with men.<br /><br />Weight gain has also led to periods of depression. For me, they may only last a few minutes or a few days. Honestly, my life is not that terrible. I don't make a lot of money, but I have everything I need with the exception of health insurance. Don't get me going on that rant.<br /><br />The man in my life has remained there for over two years. We still live over an hour apart. That has caused some issues in our relationship. I remain where I am for daughter #2. She's had so much change and I don't want to disrupt her any more than she has been.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wmGYaJHn47Y/Txh6lYH_g6I/AAAAAAAACyk/x8u68YKbHGU/s1600/2011-11-24_12-57-56_108.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 181px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wmGYaJHn47Y/Txh6lYH_g6I/AAAAAAAACyk/x8u68YKbHGU/s320/2011-11-24_12-57-56_108.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5699440110987084706" border="0" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Me, #1 and #2.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Sorry this has been depressing. Hopefully, Spring will be here and help change my attitude.<br /></div></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ia1xiLcuxro/Txh3jBRXqgI/AAAAAAAACyY/MvIehJGTAa4/s1600/011812003733.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 232px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ia1xiLcuxro/Txh3jBRXqgI/AAAAAAAACyY/MvIehJGTAa4/s320/011812003733.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5699436771957778946" border="0" /></a>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-64544254970471209482010-11-12T06:12:00.009-05:002010-11-12T06:31:32.937-05:00BloggingI have given a lot of thought recently to blogging. I started blogging over 5 years ago. I never dreamed anyone would give a crap about what I had to say. Blogging gave me the courage to admit things that I wouldn't tell most people. It brought me a mental clarity to realize that my life was not what I wanted it to be. Blogging donated the confidence that I needed to make the changes necessary to set my life in motion. Without it, I'm not sure I would have ever had weight loss surgery.<br /><br />Blogging has brought me many real life friends that I would never have had the pleasure of knowing without the help of the internet. These relationships are some of the strongest in friendships.<br /><br />I am currently still in a relationship that began over a year ago. He lives over an hour away so we mostly see each when we can. I'm content with where our relationship is and don't feel the immediate need to change things. I'm enjoying making it on my own. I never dreamed that I would be able to pay my own way in life and make decisions completely alone. It's not as bad as I thought.<br /><br />The guy doesn't agree with blogging. He thinks that it's an invasion of privacy. I tried to explain that blogging is like pen pals were back in the day when you couldn't wait to hear from your friend from afar. So, out of respect for him, I won't post pictures of him here. What follows are pictures taken during a camping trip last month that we took with my parents. It was 32 degrees but we had a blast despite the weather. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TN0jpo3M7pI/AAAAAAAACyA/WMrSl1rbtkg/s1600/DSC02129.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TN0jpo3M7pI/AAAAAAAACyA/WMrSl1rbtkg/s320/DSC02129.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5538622314986139282" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">My youngest and me on Suicide Bend at Tippy Dam. Those tiny dots on the river are people fishing for Salmon.<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TN0jpGJl48I/AAAAAAAACx4/7iOucWzBYjM/s1600/DSC02111.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TN0jpGJl48I/AAAAAAAACx4/7iOucWzBYjM/s320/DSC02111.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5538622305668031426" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Here we are on top of a metal giant grasshopper statue.<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TN0jourtD6I/AAAAAAAACxw/FmH37Or6ijY/s1600/DSC02109.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TN0jourtD6I/AAAAAAAACxw/FmH37Or6ijY/s320/DSC02109.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5538622299368656802" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">This was a giant fire pit. The focus was supposed to be on the colors behind me in the trees but the photographer (who shall remain nameless) didn't get them in the shot.<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TN0jSTSomTI/AAAAAAAACxo/FOTBa490r0I/s1600/DSC02141.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TN0jSTSomTI/AAAAAAAACxo/FOTBa490r0I/s320/DSC02141.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5538621914058627378" border="0" /></a><br />This is what 3 days of camping without running water looks like.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">If any of you still read this, I thank you for that. I think about you often. :)<br /></div></div>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-25248341275256536922010-10-01T06:21:00.008-04:002010-10-01T07:07:57.927-04:00Bon Jour!Well hello there! Yes, <a href="http://g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com/">G-Man</a>, I realize that I missed my quarterly post. That's because life has been so busy.<br /><br />Firstly, my girls quickly came to their senses and came home. We worked things out. I think they realize that I am one of the few people in this world who will love them no matter what.<br /><br />My oldest daughter graduated from high school 18th in a class of almost 300. Not too shabby. Because of her scholastic merits, she was able to get most of her first year of college paid for. In August, we took her 500 miles from home into the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and dumped her into her new life. I was surprised to find that my child, the child who has counted down the days to when she was leaving home since she was 11, was completely homesick. I never expected that, nor did she. She's still working on being a grown up. As she says, "Being an adult sucks!" I am so proud of her. She is an amazing girl.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TKW4G8At73I/AAAAAAAACxI/OQiugEZ7eKs/s1600/DSC01980.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TKW4G8At73I/AAAAAAAACxI/OQiugEZ7eKs/s320/DSC01980.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5523022947367645042" border="0" /></a>Lake Superior with my girls<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TKW5_PiO5KI/AAAAAAAACxY/cQBlovJ_7dQ/s1600/DSC02009.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TKW5_PiO5KI/AAAAAAAACxY/cQBlovJ_7dQ/s320/DSC02009.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5523025014192792738" border="0" /></a>Last dinner as a family<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TKW5p1rFP2I/AAAAAAAACxQ/TJ7ffoj-SF0/s1600/DSC02010.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TKW5p1rFP2I/AAAAAAAACxQ/TJ7ffoj-SF0/s320/DSC02010.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5523024646473334626" border="0" /></a>Lake Michigan on the Cut River Bridge on the way home<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Now, onto more unpleasant subjects, my weight. I have been struggling desperately with my weight (as you can see in the pictures). I am up 20 pounds from my lowest weight. My weight loss surgeon warned me that he has seen very few weight loss surgery patients that don't gain back at least 20 pounds. I am nearly 4 years out from surgery. Most people begin to gain in the 2nd year. I don't know how I was able to keep it off as long as I have. I know that my eating habits are not what they should be. I've also found that I have been compensating for stress with food. It's really killing me inside. I feel the old fat girl creeping back into my head. I know it affects the way I carry myself. I have no self confidence any more.<br /><br />I pretty much spend my entire life worrying. I worry about my girls, money, my weight and about my love life. The stress is really getting to me. Being single is a lot of work, but I still have to remember that I made the right decision. I still have my house and recently paid off my van. The day after I paid off my van, my dad hit the front end and did $500 worth of damage.<br /><br />One of the more worrisome things I have to worry about is my neighborhood. It had been a great neighborhood when I moved in 20 years ago. Unfortunately, many have lost their houses and they have been snatched up by slum lords who rent to drug dealers. On the night of July 4th, the house across the street had a bomb detonated between the two front doors. The front windows and doors were blown off and into my house. You haven't lived until you've heard a bomb at 1:30 AM literally jolt you physically out of bed, only to hear it raining glass on your house. I have never felt panic like that. The woman who lives there was only slightly injured because "Something told her to go into the other room and shut the door". Had she been in her normal spot, she would have been dead. This is not an attempted murder case. This is also one of 3 ongoing court cases revolving around that particular property. These include several different families who have moved in and out. It's pretty crappy when you are scared to death to go home.<br /><br />So, yes, I am alive and kicking. Struggling, but kicking! I have been blogging for over 5 years. Where does the time go?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TKXA78jSWBI/AAAAAAAACxg/f6WPiA-feyY/s1600/45671_426821209333_772584333_4620237_306927_n.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 251px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/TKXA78jSWBI/AAAAAAAACxg/f6WPiA-feyY/s320/45671_426821209333_772584333_4620237_306927_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5523032654138726418" border="0" /></a><br /><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><br /></div>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-30278695008199666432010-03-17T20:28:00.007-04:002010-03-17T21:22:33.100-04:00This Is How My Heart Breaks...So, yeah, long absence again. A lot is going on in my life. I've been leery to post anything. I didn't even tell you all that I was published in a book this past December because of this blog. I was pretty excited, but trying to explain the book to non bloggers proved impossible. You can see the page I'm quoted on <a href="http://www.wefeelfine.org/press/images/54-55.jpg">here. </a><br /><br />I had to take on a second job. I'm working for one of the largest companies in the world part time and still doing sign work. My new job consists of being the Safety Assistant. This job is agricultural and I have roots there so it's good to get back to them. I work two 10 hour days there and the other three days in the sign shop. So now I'm Safety/Signgurl.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S6GAHj0d3pI/AAAAAAAACw4/_y5hHSPp1xo/s1600-h/0218001318.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S6GAHj0d3pI/AAAAAAAACw4/_y5hHSPp1xo/s320/0218001318.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449777891457752722" border="0" /></a><br />Yeah, that's a Wintersteiger combine behind me. It's bad ass and German!!<br /></div><br />My weight keeps me struggling. I resigned myself to the fact that I will be 15 pounds heavier in the winter. I tried to continue walking and ended up hurting my back when I slipped on the ice. The injury put me out of work for a week. I still weigh myself every day and my mood depends on what that stupid scale says. Most days it tells me what a fat piece of crap I am. Losing over 200 pounds and I still feel like a fat blob. I wish I could get some of that confidence I had a while back. At one point, I felt like I could take on the world. I'm working my way back to that feeling.<br /><br />This next part will be hard for me to write. In fact, some would tell me not to write it, but I'm gonna anyway. I've struggled with loneliness. No one can understand who hasn't truly been alone, as in get up alone, work and come home to no one for a week at a time. THAT is being alone. I dated and met a few nice guys. Once I met one that I enjoyed spending all of my time away from my kids with I decided it was time to introduce him to my kids. (We have been dating since October.) Let's just say that the first time they met things were great. But the next time, since he lives an hour away, I told him to stay at our house and he slept in my bed. This did not go over well with the girls. They have both decided that they would rather live with their dad (who is living an alternative lifestyle *wink*) . To say that I was devastated would be an understatement. I have never been hurt as deeply as my own children have hurt me. I shut down completely. I didn't eat or talk to anyone for 2 days. I needed to be alone to get those ugly feelings out. I needed to cry and yell and scream without anyone judging me. My kids have been my life for almost 18 years. I am lost without them.<br /><br /><br />My issue with all of this is why is it ok for their dad to see whomever he wants but when mom decides to bring someone home, she is a disrespectful mother. A friend reminded me that I have always been the rock and since dad decided to change completely, they looked to me to keep things the way they had always been. They cannot see me happy with anyone other than their father.<br /><br />Thankfully, the "guy" was able to convince me to get up and dust myself off. He told me that I was a g00d mother (my mom says that too, but she's my mom so she has to). He showed me that he was there for me. He saved my life.<br /><br />I know I've made mistakes with my girls. I tell them that daily. I'm going to make more. I now realize that this is all just a game to two teenagers who didn't give a lot of thought to the feelings of the person who loves them more than anyone in this world could. They are teens so I have to forgive them for they know not what they do.<br /><br />So, this is how my heart breaks and will hopefully be mended soon.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S6F_QOkkbOI/AAAAAAAACwo/_JaLMeajZQE/s1600-h/0215001041.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S6F_QOkkbOI/AAAAAAAACwo/_JaLMeajZQE/s320/0215001041.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449776940861123810" border="0" /></a>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-19662036031417629992010-01-13T11:26:00.001-05:002010-01-13T12:45:21.659-05:00My Quarterly PostJanuary leaves me thankful that the holidays are over. I spent my first holidays completely alone. Christmas Eve the girls were with me during the day but left for the night to go to their dad's. As I sat staring at empty stockings lining the roaring fireplace, I lost it. I cried because my girls had never slept anywhere but here for Christmas Eve. I realized that no children would come bounding down the stairs at 4 am for the first time in 17 years. I wouldn't have to worry about negotiating with them to go back to sleep until at least 6 am.<br /><br />So, I pulled myself together and decided to quit feeling sorry for myself and went to bed. I woke up with a brighter outlook and felt better for having made it through the night alone on Christmas for the first time in my life. Christmas day was filled with family and the girls were once again with me for a while.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S03b0LaCouI/AAAAAAAACwY/RGP4Y8ZBObY/s1600-h/DSC01459.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S03b0LaCouI/AAAAAAAACwY/RGP4Y8ZBObY/s320/DSC01459.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426234815513010914" border="0" /></a><br />My brother in law, sister, me, and #2.<br /></div><br />My birthday was the week before Christmas and I had a great day. I got to see many friends who proved their love to me. I had an excellent dinner with family and friends. After dinner, the girls bought the cutest little cake. It was delicious!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S03nFQFt7vI/AAAAAAAACwg/sjBE5E1L_xo/s1600-h/DSC01466.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S03nFQFt7vI/AAAAAAAACwg/sjBE5E1L_xo/s320/DSC01466.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426247203455626994" border="0" /></a><br />Midnight on New Years Eve found me alone as well. Some plans fell through at the last minute. So, I decided why not spend yet another holiday alone. Several of my friends called me just after midnight which was awesome. Thank God I have friends or I'm not sure how I would made it.<br /><br />My girls keep me going. They are everything to me. I'm really sad that #1 will be going off to college this fall. She was accepted at Michigan Tech but is holding out for University of Michigan. U of M hasn't denied her, but hasn't accepted her either. Oddly enough, she was happy to get this news. We should find out this spring whether she will be accepted.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Financially I'm still in a terrible position. Mr. Sign lost his job in July and I lost half my income when child support stopped. Honestly, I have no idea how I've made it this far. I am thankful daily for all that I have, but most thankful for my girls!<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S03bfxBrd_I/AAAAAAAACwI/DP5kXgiJzZ8/s1600-h/DSC01474.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/S03bfxBrd_I/AAAAAAAACwI/DP5kXgiJzZ8/s320/DSC01474.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426234464834123762" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">#2, me and #1 at a birthday party<br /></div></div>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-16208536845587386892009-10-25T14:44:00.006-04:002009-10-25T15:56:28.894-04:003 Years LaterThis was me three years ago. I'm smiling on the outside, but inside I was crying, maybe even screaming because I was so unhappy with myself.<br /> <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SuSdlEQ1QeI/AAAAAAAACv0/nJzATCKWry8/s1600-h/Nov.+13,+2006+012.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 149px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SuSdlEQ1QeI/AAAAAAAACv0/nJzATCKWry8/s320/Nov.+13,+2006+012.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396611513621758434" border="0" /></a><br />Three years ago today, I was wheeled into surgery believing that I was going to die on the table. When you weigh 384 pounds, you don't have much hope that you will go on living.<br /><br />Who knew how much my life would change? I have my life back now. I broke out of a body that was my prison. I'm able to do things that I never dreamed my body could. I can run and wrestle with my girls. <br /><br />While life has really been kicking me in the butt, lately, I realize that I'm still better off than I've ever been in my life. I have so much to be thankful for.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SuSdlSied5I/AAAAAAAACv8/5TRCqtPmsxU/s1600-h/DSC01216.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SuSdlSied5I/AAAAAAAACv8/5TRCqtPmsxU/s320/DSC01216.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396611517453858706" border="0" /></a>The costume I wore last night to a party.<br /></div>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-52327095264818018132009-10-15T20:29:00.002-04:002009-10-17T01:19:58.195-04:00Moving OnI've been officially divorced for just over a week. Things are starting to feel better as far as being on my own goes. The panic has begun to subside ever so slightly. I can't believe there could be any more tears left in this body. Do they ever stop? I absolutely hate my emotions, or at least hate showing them to others.<br /><br />I'm putting together a plan that will hopefully allow me to keep my house and get Mr. Sign's name off of the mortgage. I never dreamed that I would be so set financially one minute and so destitute the next. How does that happen? Michigan's economy sucks!<br /><br />A friend made a point about how I view myself. Honestly, I still see only flaws when I look in the mirror. I see the remnants of disregarding myself emotionally and physically. A life spent not giving a crap about what I was doing to myself by ignoring my own basic needs. So, every day, I make a point to try and see something good about myself. It's a struggle.<br /><br />My weight has stabilized at close to my lowest weight. I still make sure that I get all the protein in that I need to. I eat pretty much what I want but still in very small quantities. Gaining weight still petrifies me.<br /><br />My dating life is making me insane. This could be because the fat girl in my head just won't die. She yells at me that I'm just not good enough for anyone. She taunts me and tells me that people are snickering behind my back. She doesn't allow me much happiness.<br /><br />My life feels like it's on hold right now. It seems like I'm waiting for something but I have no idea what it is. I hope it's a good surprise because I'm at the point that I'm not sure I can handle many more bumps. Now, where's my helmet?SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-38017708165966614422009-10-06T19:28:00.005-04:002009-10-07T22:55:26.612-04:00It's Over, or So I ThoughtMr. Sign and I went back to court today and I wasn't exactly sure that the mean judge was going to ok our divorce. She made me sit on the witness stand and answer questions. It felt strange to say that there was a breakdown of my marriage with irreconcilable differences. It was hard because another couple that was divorcing after us was in the courtroom listening. The husband was a big burly guy and he cried the entire time I was answering questions. It was all I could do to keep myself together as the judge agreed to the terms of our divorce. I was then taken into a small room to watch the clerk stamp all the paperwork with my freedom ingrained in it's pages.<br /><br />I thought I had worked through all my thoughts and feelings on this subject. More emotions have poured out of me in the last year than have ever come out in the entirety of my life. I was feeling quite self assured that life would be good for me and my girls. Even after Mr. Sign lost his job and stopped giving me support (1/2 my income), I still had a pretty good attitude. I was determined to make it no matter what. I kept it together for my girls' sake.<br /><br />Today after court I decided to race the thunderstorm and get my yard mowed and put some flower beds to sleep for the winter. I felt pretty good about what I'd done. The pork roast I had in the oven smelled heavenly as I came in from my chores. Mr. Sign and the girls and I had a wonderful dinner together that was a little more quiet than I had hoped. I thought maybe there would be a little reminiscing and even laughter.<br /><br />After dinner Mr. Sign waited to take #1 to college visitation night at school. Sitting there looking at him made me have fits of sheer panic and terror about every detail of my life. I was worried about money, my girls' well being and my own loneliness and desolation. I'm feeling like I'll never be loved again by a man and that I'll spend the rest of my life completely alone. I sat and cried harder than I've cried. I know I scared my daughters. The youngest gave me a big hug and a kiss. She didn't say anything. That hug meant more to me than any other I've received.<br /><br />The flood of emotions can stop at any time. I was sure I would make this look easy. As I sit here listening to the wind howl, I'm reminded that no matter what happens now, it's all up to me.SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-35906046539445104402009-10-02T00:18:00.000-04:002009-10-02T00:20:07.100-04:00WorriesMy life has become one worry after another. This week, I found myself in such an uptight state, that I think I've actually developed an ulcer. I mean, I'm worrying about some ridiculous things, like why my hair is always a mess or why can't someone besides me clean the cat boxes. Most of my concerns have come from financial woes. I hate not being in control of my destiny. One strange phenomenon I've noticed about being single is that if I put money in the bank, it's actually still there when I check on it. There is no one but me to spend it. That is definitely a bonus.<br /><br />Because Mr. Sign and I share custody of the girls, I spend a lot of time alone now. I've never been alone for more than a day at a time in my entire life. I spent every minute that I could with my girls, being a stay at home mom for 10 years and then being as actively involved in their school as humanly possible. It's so strange to not know now what they are doing every minute and especially weird to have to entertain myself. I ride my bike 20 miles a day and still work out every morning. My house has never been cleaner. <br /><br />I had moments this week where I actually questioned my decision to become single. I thought about how charmed my life had been. I had everything I needed including wonderful kids, a great house and car, awesome health and a husband who loved me. I'm the one who decided to put the fairy tale to an end. Was I out of my mind? Nah, I couldn't live my life in a lie. While I reflect on the time I spent as a married person, I realize that I had many good years and I don't regret any of them. But, I needed to look toward the future and my own happiness instead of the happiness of everyone around me. It was time for me to take care of me. If all goes well, I will officially be divorced on Tuesday, October 6, 2009. I'll have a little piece of paper that will end 22 years of togetherness.<br /><br />Trust me when I tell you how weird it is to date. It's been 22 years since I had the privilege of worrying about what I'm going to wear, where we are going, who's going to pay and what are we going to talk about. I do admit to loving the butterflies when I first meet someone. I've had excellent responses from almost all of my dates. Most of them I have met on line and they have all been just what they portrayed themselves to be. <br /><br />One guy in particular had such a great introduction message that I couldn't resist. I ended up adding to his story line and we went back and forth with this whole scenario for almost a month. Neither of us had said anything real in that time but decided that we should meet. So, I met him at a swanky bar downtown that I'd never been to. It was comical that we sat in a horseshoe shaped booth at opposite sides. He asked if he would recognize any of my sign work. I told him that we do all the directional signs for one of the local hospitals. He asked me if I knew "stepdad's name here". I said that I might know him a little bit. I asked him how they were acquainted. He said, "I was the engineering supervisor for the hospital project and worked with "stepdad's name here" and thought he was such a great guy. I yelled out, "You are (fill in guy's name here)!" He wondered how I knew his full name since we hadn't swapped surnames. Come to find out, he and I had talked many times on the phone and had emailed when he ordered signs, but had never met. Anyway, as the night, the loud band and our drinking progressed, we got closer and closer in the booth. We discussed the fact that we had both been married almost 20 years each and had only "we" stories. I still can't talk about anything without saying we, as in we did this and we went there. We decided it was time for us both to make some "me" stories. After the night ended with me going in for the hug, he messaged me that we had just made a "we" story. I retorted that at least it wasn't a "wee" story. <br /><br />So, we have had several dates since. We both decided to move slowly. I'm not so sure now that I want to move as slowly as him, but he's worth waiting for. The fat girl in me worries about my weight, extra skin and low self confidence when it comes to him. He's very physically fit and downright thin. My brain tells me that he's going to reject me and throw me back to the wolves. I've told him several things about myself that would send most men screaming and yet he's still hanging around. I hold my breath every day that he still wants to see me. I love the butterflies and hate them at the same time. I'm learning to enjoy the ride, be it a slow one when I'm used to flying down that roller coaster. Maybe slower really is better. Hmmmm...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SsVre_CHbzI/AAAAAAAACvs/_e-b3if3bxc/s1600-h/Lacey.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 209px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SsVre_CHbzI/AAAAAAAACvs/_e-b3if3bxc/s320/Lacey.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5387830709279223602" border="0" /></a>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-35153406842845095932009-09-27T09:20:00.000-04:002009-09-27T09:36:02.999-04:00Four Years!!You may have noticed that I've been blogging a bit again as of late. Quite honestly, I've missed putting my brain here for the world to see. Blogging has brought me through some of the most introspective times of my life. Without it, I know wholeheartedly that I wouldn't be where I am today, a nearly divorced, much healthier single mother of two.<br /><br />Four years ago I was in a terrible place, both mentally and physically. I weighed nearly 400 pounds and knew that my marriage was definitely on the rocks. At that time, Mr. Sign had decided to go back to school which left me with oodles of time on my hands at night. So, I picked up the laptop and started playing on line Scrabble. I tired of that and somehow stumbled onto someone's blog. I read it with trepidation, feeling like I was reading someone's diary and shouldn't have been. I was elated to see that people had left comments on the blog. It took me about a week to get up the courage to try my own hand at writing a blog. The trick was finding anyone who cared to read this crap. Writing was titillating for me and I was excited to have an outlet for my brain waves.<br /><br />Blogging gave me the strength to realize that I was trapped in a body that I had all but abandoned. Blogging allowed me to see just how completely unhappy I made myself. I hated that body because it held me back from life and all the things I wanted to do, but was physically unable to do. I couldn't run and play with my daughters because I could barely get my own butt out of a chair by myself. I felt terrible for the time I had wasted being fat. Don't get me wrong. I was an active fat person, at least as active as I could be at that weight. I knew people could call me fat, but I would never allow them to call me lazy.<br /><br />Blogging also brought about a huge revelation for me. It was <a href="http://signgurl.blogspot.com/2006/07/i-dont-have-title-for-this-one.html">here</a> that I was able to divulge for the first time, the abuse I had suffered as a child. I spent most of my life trying to block out memories but found that they surfaced at the most inopportune moments. I decided it was time to face facts and get it into the open. I'm still dealing with all of this and the effects it's had on me.<br /><br />So, four years of my life are here on this blog, and what a four years it's been. I've been up, down, kicked around, but I'm still plugging away. Every day I wonder what life has in store for me. Sometimes I miss monotony. But, man, am I having fun!<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sr9bwrX3xPI/AAAAAAAACvk/Q0ya8O4eTPo/s1600-h/DSC01099.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sr9bwrX3xPI/AAAAAAAACvk/Q0ya8O4eTPo/s320/DSC01099.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5386124571193099506" border="0" /></a><img id="optionsTriangle" src="img/triangle_open.gif" onclick="togglePostOptions()" alt="" />SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-10700074288860994422009-09-25T11:11:00.002-04:002009-09-25T11:21:50.617-04:00Flash 55, Take 58Flood waters came washing over her<br />as panic took control. How was she going<br />to get out of this one?<br /><br />She felt the tide pull as her hair floated around her face.<br />She struggled to come to the top. She was drowning.<br /><br />A knock on the door followed by, "Mom, get out of the bathroom!"<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />If you are interested in attempting to write a 55, you<br />can visit <a href="http://susiestheboss.blogspot.com/2006/03/55-friday.html">here</a> to learn about it.<br />If you do one, go tell <a href="http://g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com/">G-Man</a> that you did.<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-81757928967296702512009-09-22T10:00:00.001-04:002009-09-22T10:09:33.960-04:00Getting StrongerOnce again, my absence from the blog world was by choice as I wasn't sure I wanted to share what's been going on in my life. But, I felt the need to put something here.<br /><br />As I said in the previous post, I was in a relationship that got kind of serious. I had led myself to believe that I wasn't as attached as he was. Something changed in our relationship. I saw that he was broken and I tried to fix him. I suppose I try to fix everything. That's what I do, only he didn't want to be fixed. So, even though I knew we were completely wrong for each other and needed to split, the end still hurt beyond belief.<br /><br />I picked myself up and decided to jump full force back into the dating world and just have fun with it, meeting some incredible people. Dating is really fun! It's very strange for me to have so many suitors. I still have a hard time believing that someone would want to spend time with me, but it's so nice to be out living life.<br /><br />There have been some glitches on the divorce end of things. As soon as Mr. Sign signed the settlement papers, he lost his job due to downsizing. What this means for me is that I now make more money than he does and I may have to pay him child support. This was a real kick in the pants for me but I'm a survivor! I will prevail! Things monetarily have been very tough without his support for the girls. Luckily, I was able to save some money and have been living on that for the past couple of months. I'm in panic mode about it now as those funds have dried up. We now have a new court date of October 6th and if all the paperwork goes through, a little piece of paper will end 22 years of my life and tell me that I'm free.<br /><br />I think I need to add some of the fun I've had recently and what fun I've had!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWxfnTDuI/AAAAAAAACu8/QlGr5c19Xm8/s1600-h/Hersheys.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWxfnTDuI/AAAAAAAACu8/QlGr5c19Xm8/s320/Hersheys.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384289500309688034" border="0" /></a><br />Want S'More(s)?<br /></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWfRODSSI/AAAAAAAACus/VUI2rhBZhhk/s1600-h/pole.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWfRODSSI/AAAAAAAACus/VUI2rhBZhhk/s320/pole.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384289187208055074" border="0" /></a>Pole dancing with my cousin (she is on the left)<br /><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWRKm0RgI/AAAAAAAACuE/KytPObYtpi4/s1600-h/cow.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWRKm0RgI/AAAAAAAACuE/KytPObYtpi4/s320/cow.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384288944914712066" border="0" /></a><br />One night #1 and a few friends decided to go sightseeing in our city. We ran across this mobile cow and Udder Chaos ensued (see below).<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWf40fMyI/AAAAAAAACu0/j-VbKTxlZUQ/s1600-h/udder+chaos.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWf40fMyI/AAAAAAAACu0/j-VbKTxlZUQ/s320/udder+chaos.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384289197838250786" border="0" /></a>Funniest part of the night!<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWfF9h28I/AAAAAAAACuk/r-vjCPwVjhc/s1600-h/Mom.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWfF9h28I/AAAAAAAACuk/r-vjCPwVjhc/s320/Mom.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384289184185965506" border="0" /></a>Me and my momma always dress alike. Not really, but she bought me this shirt.<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWQiXt44I/AAAAAAAACt8/mgywVqNG9fY/s1600-h/Amie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWQiXt44I/AAAAAAAACt8/mgywVqNG9fY/s320/Amie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384288934113960834" border="0" /></a>My best friend, our friend from high school, whom we hadn't seen in 20 years<br />(visiting from China) and me.<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWSAEgA4I/AAAAAAAACuc/3Yh7SbSDOWI/s1600-h/group.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWSAEgA4I/AAAAAAAACuc/3Yh7SbSDOWI/s320/group.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384288959266292610" border="0" /></a><br />The crew on my two best friends' (the other blondes) 40th birthdays (taken last weekend)<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWRePYZkI/AAAAAAAACuM/JhqLcD3kJoA/s1600-h/girls.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWRePYZkI/AAAAAAAACuM/JhqLcD3kJoA/s320/girls.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384288950185125442" border="0" /></a><br />My girls<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWRx-mLdI/AAAAAAAACuU/ekYi_WsogSE/s1600-h/girls1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SrjWRx-mLdI/AAAAAAAACuU/ekYi_WsogSE/s320/girls1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384288955483434450" border="0" /></a><br />Getting our grove on!!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">So, my weight is back in check and I'm growing stronger every day, both physically and mentally. I'm still exercising like a crazy person, working out every morning and then riding my bike 20 miles 5 nights a week. I've worked too hard to go back to my old habits. Still working on loving myself and the person within. I am a work in progress, but who isn't?<br /></div></div>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-54542199612026517152009-06-22T11:30:00.000-04:002009-06-22T11:38:36.455-04:00Where Have You Been?Out living life of course!! Adjusting to single life seems to be suiting me, although being alone took a bit to get used to.<br /><br />Mr. Sign remains amicable and generous. As a matter of fact, he and I are often seen together which confuses people immensely. It's hard to tell old friends we encounter that we are in fact getting divorced but still friends. Apparently, this is quite uncommon. The most beautiful part is that we get to go to separate homes at the end of the day.<br /><br />The divorce is moving slowly, at my discretion. We decided that neither of us is in a great hurry to be officially divorced. This benefits me in that I get to keep health insurance benefits until all is said and done.<br /><br /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/ADMINI%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpg" alt="" /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/ADMINI%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-1.jpg" alt="" />We are sharing custody of the girls who seem to be adjusting well as far as I can tell.<br /><br />I started dating a great guy almost 6 months ago. He decided to have weight loss surgery, not because of me, but because he wanted to change his life. When he came to me, I told him he needed to do his own research and make that decision on his own. So, last week he became a member of the weight loss surgery group.<br /><br />Our relationship seemed to get serious despite my warnings. I was afraid I was going to break his heart so I took things one day at a time. We both fell head over heals for each other and honestly, I never dreamed I would let my feelings get so intense. Over the months, things started to feel like we were married. We decided because we live an hour apart, that we should slow things down. Neither of us wants to be married again, but would rather like to enjoy each other's company. We are now happily dating and remain hopeful that two people can be a little more than "great friends".<br /><br />Another new love has crept into my life as well. I am now bicycling 125 miles a week. I went out to get in my car to walk one day and saw the bike sitting there. I thought, "What the heck?" and threw it in the car only to ride 21 miles on my first trip. Our city has an amazing river trail that is one of the most beautiful in the U.S. I don't have to worry about getting hit on the road by a car.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sj-kNni4usI/AAAAAAAACtM/EdLLKplgjzQ/s1600-h/downsized_0607091800a.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sj-kNni4usI/AAAAAAAACtM/EdLLKplgjzQ/s320/downsized_0607091800a.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350175436200000194" border="0" /></a>The end of the River Trail. <br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">My weight is still fluctuating about 5 pounds up and down. I decided to accept my accomplishements and continue being as active as possible. My new life is a work in progress but I wouldn't change a minute of my past. It's made me who I am today.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sj-kOGuZIqI/AAAAAAAACtU/Ke4ZuNMwb_0/s1600-h/0616091337_0001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 224px; height: 304px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sj-kOGuZIqI/AAAAAAAACtU/Ke4ZuNMwb_0/s320/0616091337_0001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350175444569760418" border="0" /></a><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: center;">(I'm working here, lol. I'm reading Sign Builder's Illustrated).<br /><br /></div>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-425508294399760862009-04-26T21:46:00.002-04:002009-04-26T21:52:53.501-04:00Quit Yer Complainin'It's time for me to fess up. I have been complaining and obsessing over my weight for the last 6 months. But, I wasn't doing anything about it. I still weigh myself every day and watch my weight fluctuate as much as 5 pounds a day, terrified that I will regain all that weight back.<br /><br />I was very disciplined with my eating habits until just after Christmas. That's when my life spun out of control (more so than it had already been). I allowed myself anything and everything my big a$$ desired. I told myself that it was ok to comfort myself with food because of what I was going through, never giving much thought to what I was doing to myself. When I did become aware of the fact that I was much like an alcoholic in regards to my addiction, things became worse. I found myself doing things that were unhealthy and just down right idiotic. If I tried even slightly not to cave, the craving became worse until I finally gave in.<br /><br />Strangely, in the past, I had found that I was not a stress eater. Before weight loss surgery, I would stop eating all together during stressful times. For some reason, this all changed and I'm not entirely sure that it was because of the surgery. This has been and is the most chaotic and unpredictable time in my life and I believe that has more to do with why I am eating.<br /><br />About a week ago, I realized that I was not feeling physically well and my mental state was in the proverbial crapper. I felt exactly the same way I had when I weighed 384 pounds. I was the fat girl all over again, searching high and low for her next fix. Believe me when I say that nothing I was putting into my body was healthy. I was running on pure sugar and feeling like a meth addict, living life in a cloud. Recognizing the behavior made me feel out of control and hopeless. My scale told me that my weight was almost 20 pounds above my lowest weight (I was only there for about 4 hours) and 17 above my most stable weight.<br /><br />I can hear some of you nodding your heads thinking that you knew I was going to gain the weight back. Trust me when I say that I will NEVER go back to that place in my head. I don't like it and I don't like me when I'm there. I worked way too hard to lose over 200 pounds to ever go back to those old habits. There's a fat girl in my head and I'm trying to kill her, but she just won't die! <br /><br />Something changed in my mentality. I don't know if it was that I was feeling so emotional about myself and only seeing the ugliness, but I decided finally to do something about myself. I reloaded my daily food intake program and set about journaling what my recent day's intake of food looked like. I had stopped journaling in October when my computer crashed.<br /><br />Let me tell you, the first day was eye opening. I ate over 4000 calories! 2500 of those were homemade chocolate chip cookies (I make the best according to the girls). I nearly threw up when I realized what I had been doing to myself. In order for me to continue to lose weight, I need to keep my calories at 1500 if I don't walk and 1700 if I do. I could see now how I had regained the weight.<br /><br />The next day, I buckled down and kept exact track of what I ate and kept my calories at about 1200. Low and behold, when I jumped on the scale the next morning, I was down 3 pounds from the day before. I did great all week and this even continued on through the weekend. As of today, 5 days into it, I'm down 9 pounds.<br /><br />So, I have new, old goals of continuing to lose weight at 2.5 years after weight loss surgery. I continue to work out 5 days a week and have been walking 2 days.<br /><br />No more complaining without taking action first. I plan on keeping my head above water and enjoying the swim.SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-66573760638252675522009-04-06T15:47:00.008-04:002009-04-06T17:30:54.115-04:00Where Was I?Life as a separated, single parent is just plain strange to me. Most of my friends don't call or make an effort to find out how we are doing. Their response is that they just don't know what to say. "We always thought you were the perfect couple.". I'm here to tell you that nothing and no one is perfect in this world.<br /><br />For those people that assume that the dissolution of our marriage was based solely on both of us having weight loss surgery, you simply have no idea. Our problems started way before that. What I will say about losing over 200 pounds, is that it gave me the courage to know that I could venture out on my own. I knew at 384 pounds that the world was too mean to fat chicks and wouldn't allow me to live life alone.<br /><br />Living life on my terms has empowered me to know that I can make it in this world. It has also given me moments of sheer terror about being all alone. I become panicked when I think about what I have to do totally on my own. Things like keeping up the lawn and taking care of the house. (I should tell you that Mr. Sign has given the house and most of the contents to me. He has been more than fair and for that I am grateful.) During these fits, I basically lose my mind and cry my eyes out for no apparent reason. I hate emotions, or at least hate showing my emotions. I've always been the strong one who was there for everyone else. I'm not used to having to lean on others for emotional support. God has put new people in my life to help me along this journey, since the old ones seem lost.<br /><br />Only those that have been there seem to understand that divorce is worse than a death. At least with death, there is some finality. I find myself happy one minute and sobbing the next. Mourning a lost time, not necessarily a lost relationship. I miss the simplicity of married life. You know the one: Get up, go to work, come home and cook dinner, watch tv, go to bed, lather, rinse, repeat.<br /><br />Things seem harder because Mr. Sign and I remain friends and don't hate each other. Sometimes I think it would be easier to break that 21 year old relationship if we despised each other.<br /><br />Some of you have asked how I'm doing with my weight. I'm going to be totally honest and let you know that I have regained about 8 pounds. This scares the crap out of me. I know that it's because I have become a stress eater. I am powerless over food. No matter how hard I try to avoid bad foods, the more they seem to call out to me, promising comfort from the evils of the world. The more I worry about eating, the more I want to eat.<br /><br />Regardless of how bad I know it's going to be, I still weigh myself every day. I spoke with my weight loss surgeon and he assured me that weight gain is normal. In fact, most people gain back at least 20 pounds. I don't want to be that statistic. I am hopeful that with the approach of Spring will come a loss of appetite.<br /><br />I also struggle with the fact that when I do lose weight, it is usually in my face. I don't like looking gaunt and sickly. I also don't like my big fat rear end. It's kind of a toss up, big butt or super skinny face.<br /><br />Thank you all for your kind and sincere words. You have no idea how much it means to know that you are there for me during this turbulent time in my life.<br /><br />I will leave you with a few pictures of the girls and me:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sdp0dY2NXHI/AAAAAAAACs0/_KWNpAtgPoM/s1600-h/tree.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sdp0dY2NXHI/AAAAAAAACs0/_KWNpAtgPoM/s320/tree.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321693957926509682" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SdpzNEc64tI/AAAAAAAACsk/VWa9aplNToM/s1600-h/house.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SdpzNEc64tI/AAAAAAAACsk/VWa9aplNToM/s320/house.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321692578062197458" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sdp0QydnAZI/AAAAAAAACss/YYACOf2d6Lc/s1600-h/car.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/Sdp0QydnAZI/AAAAAAAACss/YYACOf2d6Lc/s320/car.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321693741464355218" border="0" /></a>SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-22033337110910042882009-03-10T20:18:00.005-04:002009-03-10T21:29:55.994-04:00Great Expectations ~ Part DeuxThis is a continuation of the post below...<br /><br />So where did I leave off? Oh yeah, we were telling our families that we were divorcing. That was interesting. My mom wanted me to wait to tell my grandma until after the holidays. When I called to tell her, she barraged me with questions about why we couldn't make things work and what our problems were. She gave no regard to my feelings and how I was dealing with all of this. Her concerns were about our family not being "perfect" anymore.<br /><br />I should tell you that most people assume that the demise of my marriage was based on the weight loss. This would only partly be true. It's a fact that losing the fat gave me the courage to venture out of my comfort zone and know that I could try and do things on my own. I would have never even tried to go it alone at 384 pounds. The world is just too cruel to fat chicks. I remained comfy and cozy within my fat walls.<br /><br />No, this mostly had to do with the fact that I had decided that I had loved the one I was with long enough. In the process of my self discovery, I encouraged Mr. Sign to find out what made him happy, knowing full well what that was. All I'm going to say about that is that he decided to chose and alternative lifestyle and I want nothing but happiness for him.<br /><br />In the midst of all of this turmoil, I became ill and was diagnosed with something that will remain with me for the rest of my life. As I was reeling from this news, two days later, Mr. Sign lost his job, including all health care benefits.<br /><br />I was beyond myself and felt so completely alone. I have never been alone for more than a day in my entire life. I can only say that I was as low as I've ever been to the point of almost not being able to function. I got through my day and spent the evenings and nights just sobbing alone in my bedroom. I had been seeing a counselor but could no longer do so without insurance. Great timing, huh?<br /><br />Somehow, with the support of my family and friends, I was able to pull myself up and out of the darkness. I wanted to blog, but as a great friend and fellow blogger said, "You don't want people to feel sorry for you. You know they will if you tell them what's going on".<br /><br />So, we had my measly income, two residences, double bills for everything and no way to pay for it. We spent much time together while he looked for a job. He wanted to spend as much time with the girls as he could. This was hard on us both. We had a hard time being around each other as it made things seem like old times. We finally came to the conclusion that we really needed to be apart for both our sakes. I should mention that most of this happened after our trip to Las Vegas, so basically just after the first of the year.<br /><br />Mr. Sign finally got a job that is actually better paying so we were able to file the paperwork for the divorce. Since everything is amicable, the lawyer will file a motion of hardship which will push our divorce through in 60 days instead of 180.<br /><br />Imagine that I was thrown literally into the dating world by a friend with good intentions. She decided that I needed to get out there and play the field. I haven't dated in over 20 years. My, how times have changed.<br /><br />To sum things up, I'm stress eating, lonely, poor and confused, but I'm alive and kicking. I am ready to face the new big bad world on my own, but still have my moments of self doubt.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://s137.photobucket.com/albums/q225/signgurl/March%202009/?action=view&current=DSC00473.jpg" target="_blank"><img style="width: 350px; height: 262px;" src="http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q225/signgurl/March%202009/DSC00473.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />So what have you all been up to?SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-80533360484856735702009-03-09T20:18:00.003-04:002009-03-09T20:31:18.377-04:00Great ExpectationsI'm not gonna lie when I tell you how bad I feel about abandoning this blog. Many of you know of my trials and tribulations. I'll give you the brief overview.<br /><br />Over three years ago, Mr. Sign and I decided that we needed to work harder on our marriage. I wasn't happy, mostly with myself. My weight had gotten the better of me. So, we decided to have weight loss surgery together. This brought us together for a time.<br /><br />Last Spring I started thinking about turning 40 and the fact that I had spent more than half of my life with one person and where did my life go. So, I did a lot of soul searching. In my quest, I realized that I needed to spread my wings and go forth with the life that my weight had compressed. I decided that I wasn't going to settle for being just "ok". <br /><br />Don't get me wrong, I have led a very charmed life. Mr. Sign has been more than supportive of me for our entire relationship (21 years, 19 of them married). However, I realized that he wasn't entirely happy either. <br /><br />So, I told him to go find what made him happy. I believed that in letting him go, things would be easy for me. I thought I wouldn't have feelings because feelings are messy and I don't like letting them show. And, things were easy at first. I was doing my thing and he was doing his. We decided to continue to do our own thing but to stay married for the girls' sakes. <br /><br />This only worked for a few months when we both realized that it was too hard to go this route for everyone. Mr. Sign moved into an apartment that was closer to his job. It was an hour away from me and the girls. We decided that on weekends we would switch residences so that he could be with the girls and we wouldn't have to see each other. This worked well.<br /><br />A few months later, we decided that we needed to formally separate. We hadn't told anyone that we had been separated since June. Again, I assumed that this task would be easy because I didn't want to allow my feelings to be involved. <br /><br />Wow, this is getting wordy so I'm going to post this much and finish it at a later time....SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-42758185810995216322009-01-21T20:13:00.005-05:002009-01-21T20:24:30.132-05:00Thursday Portrait ~The Dreaded ArticleI'm stepping out of hiatus in order to share this little tidbit with you. It's yet another reason for my complete break down.<br /><br />Several months ago I told you all about being interviewed for a magazine. I was excited and nervous. I wrote up my answers and sent away my pictures. Apparently, the picture I sent was unusable. The writer called me while I was on a scaffold hanging a banner in the rain and told me that I had to get to her office to have my picture taken because the one I sent didnt' work. I drug myself there only to find that she had never used the camera before. So, I look like I have 2 foot tall legs and weigh more than I did before I lost weight. Also, I cannot take a flash picture with my eyes open to save my life. <br /><br />I didn't misspell lose as loose or the spelling of my name Jenn. ;)<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Click to read:<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SXfIVYTOvHI/AAAAAAAACqs/lV8e41l7pXI/s1600-h/Article.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SXfIVYTOvHI/AAAAAAAACqs/lV8e41l7pXI/s320/Article.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293920156623223922" border="0" /></a><br />I truly appreciate all of your kind comments regarding my whereabouts. I'm pretty much just getting by. If I get up the courage, I'll share all of my woes with you. For now, I'll just tell you that my life went from fairytale status to the crapper in a matter of months.<br /><br />Miss you all...SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-64383115425168873412009-01-07T08:15:00.003-05:002009-01-07T08:19:05.169-05:00HiatusAs you can see, I've been neglecting this blog.<br />I need to take a little time to get my poop in a group. <br />I'm trying to learn to deal with the cards that I have been dealt. <br />Never fear, SignGurl is rarely down for long.<br />For I know that life will get easier (at least I hope it will).<br /><br />I appreciate all of your support and concern. <br />Some of my best friends have been made here. <br /><br />Be back soon...SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-51408266290756837572009-01-02T14:16:00.001-05:002009-01-02T14:22:42.807-05:00Flash 55 ~ Take 57He gave her something she had never in her life had.<br /><br />It was a thing that all humans need in order to survive<br />life as we know it.<br /><br />She was reluctant to take it from him since it was such a<br />precious gift, but she knew she had to.<br /><br />Self confidence is hard to find.<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />If you are interested in attempting to write a 55, you<br />can visit <a href="http://susiestheboss.blogspot.com/2006/03/55-friday.html">here</a> to learn about it.<br />If you do one, go tell <a href="http://g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com/">G-Man</a> that you did.<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17159042.post-65923971845945669122008-12-29T06:25:00.003-05:002008-12-29T06:31:35.541-05:00A Few More Birthday PicturesThese pictures were taken at the Ghost Bar on the top of the Palms Hotel on my birthday.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Check out the view behind us:<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SVi0OKw4UwI/AAAAAAAACn4/QIPbw_8HoF8/s1600-h/DSC00194.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SVi0OKw4UwI/AAAAAAAACn4/QIPbw_8HoF8/s320/DSC00194.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5285172318219817730" border="0" /></a><br />Here we are and I'm not really sure what we were doing. Too much alcohol:<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SVi0OymWpVI/AAAAAAAACoA/zwUmOph5VmY/s1600-h/DSC00205.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o79yTJWh_-w/SVi0OymWpVI/AAAAAAAACoA/zwUmOph5VmY/s320/DSC00205.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5285172328913085778" border="0" /></a><br />I really will eventually get around to posting the story of the Las Vegas trip. Hopefully this week.SignGurlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637199338513235368noreply@blogger.com9