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    Tuesday, November 22, 2005

    Why Yesterday Sucked and Today Still Does

    Went to work yesterday and all went unusually well. I didn't cut myself with the X-acto knife or crash the MAC. So on my way home I'm thinking everything is going great.

    I pick up daughter #2 (talky talk) and get to see a friends new baby while doing so, bonus. Pick up daughter #1 (talk talk) and she hands me a note and says I volunteered you to bring appetizers in tomorrow for the classroom feast. Classroom feast, WTF! I never heard anything about a feast. She says the teachers just didn't have it together until today so they are letting us know now. Great, now I need to find something to cook? I've been to the store 4 times this weekend. Why couldn't I have known then?

    We get home and I decide that I could make cornbread. Yeah, that's it. I have all the stuff so I won't have to go the the store that I hate so much.

    I make the cornbread and it's in the oven baking. Daughter #2 (she's 9) keeps saying, "That cornbread smells so good.". I tell her that it's not for us and watch her pout. I pull the cornbread out and it's perfect, of course. I leave it on the cooling rack and go to do some laundry.

    I am aware of a ruckus (yeah, I said ruckus) upstairs so I go upstairs to check it out. Both girls are beating the crap out of each other (a daily occurrence). I proceed to tell them to straighten up in my best mother's voice. #1 (13 year old) starts giving me crap about how I always pick on her and she hates me and she's going to live with her grandparents, etc. I tell her that she is being extremely disrespectful to me and that she is grounded off the phone and won't be attending a friend's sleepover. She stomps off to do her homework.

    As I'm yelling at #2, I notice that the cornbread had a big hole in the middle that wasn't there when I left it. I ask #2 if she made the hole. She proceeds to shake her head no while looking totally innocent. I say, "I know you did it and why would you lie about it?" Man, what is up with these kids? They are straight A students who are usually respectful. I'm chalking it up to hormones.

    I forgot to mention that earlier that morning I had to take a COLD shower. I guess the day really wasn't going that great. We had the water off all day Sunday so I thought maybe it just didn't have time to heat up, whatever. When I come home there is still no hot water. At this point in the kitchen remodel we can only use one side of the new sink because Mr. Sign bought the wrong fitting (twice). So I traipse down to check out the waterheater. I start to read all the warnings and decide that it's too complicated for my pretty little head. I tell hubby to check it when he gets home. After lighting 20 matches, he still can't get the sucker lit.

    My sister calls and tells me that her father in law passed away and gives me all the info for the services. So now I feel bad that I'm feeling sorry for myself while they have endured such a tragic loss. I decide that I'm going to bed early 'cause I'm super bitch and assume that things will get better in the morning.

    Morning comes and low and behold, things are not better. I decide to take matters into my own hands and try to light the waterheater. On my way down into the furnace room I step in the biggest ,wettest, grossest pile of cat puke you have ever seen. Whenever I see puke, I wretch and gag and carry on. It's all I can do to stop from hurling. I had my slippers on so I take them off and throw them into the laundry.

    I'm back on my way to the furnace room to try to light the further mucking thing. I have to lay on my stomach to try to light it because it's on the floor. I turn all the levers and light the match, put the match by the burner and........nothing. Nothing happens.

    I call the local gas company because my mom works for them and she says she thinks they will light it for free. After placing a call to them I find out that it's $50 just for them to come and then you pay them for their time and materials. Holy shit!

    I just can't bring myself to take a cold shower again. I haven't had my nipples be that hard since I was in Lake Superior last summer. They felt like they were going to explode like a 16 year old boy after watching his first porn scene.

    So, here I sit wishing I was clean and that I could start painting the kitchen. But I can't clean my brushes without hot water.


    MamaKBear said...

    Awwwww sweetie! Sending you big hugs!

    gigi said...

    What did you do about the cornbread? I can't believe the friggin' teachers waited until the last minute!

    My 9 year olds favortie new phrase is
    "I don't care!"
    As in E. no TV for the rest of the week!

    "I don't care!" in that snotty voice only a 9 year old can manage.

    It's not hormones it the holidays-they smell them coming!

    SignGurl said...

    Thanks MamaK. Right back at ya!

    Gigi, I did what every good mom would do, I cut them into tiny squares and took out the middle piece. I wanted to just send the whole pan in so they could take the size they wanted.

    Oh, well at least I will have hot water soon. My stepdad came up and lit the stupid thing with one try. It seems that I didn't remove one of the panels and that I was trying to light the wrong side. Arrrrr...I'm an idiot!

    barman said...

    Isn't owning a home fun and then you add in kids too, one of them being a teenager? I am not sure how you do it.

    I had problems with a hot water heater too but now I have it all figured out ... until the next time. At least yours did not need to be replaced. One time I was walking on the carpet near the heater (finished basement with living space) and it was squishy. Many days and many, many dollars later and I finally had hot water again.

    One more quicky. When I was a wee little one my Mom had made a cake and it was out cooling. My sister and I (mainly me however) ate the center out of the cake. What did we do? I added flower and water to the center of the cake of course. When my Mom got off the phone she wondered how the center of the cake was not cooked. Yes, I was a bit of a handfull.

    I hope you servive the holidays. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

    Leesa said...

    Two things: (1) How do you have a site meter. I am relatively new at this blogging thing, and I want to know who reads my random thoughts. From what part of the world, at least.

    (2) Sorry about your day. I would blame it on the cold shower. When I have really bad days, I recommend a warm bath. Oh, but you can't take one. Ouch.

    Quazirob said...

    I’ll up the recommendation to a hot … sudsy … bubble bath, throw in some scented bath oil for good measure. I have not one, not two, but three …yes three daughters: I feel your pain. You wonder why I’m gray …geez. Hang in there Jenn.

    I think those hard nipples would make an acceptable HNT photo (snicker).

    Have a great Thanksgiving see ya next Tuesday. I’m updated.

    Dirk the Feeble said...

    I no longer feel the need to purchase birth control devices; this post has done it for me.

    Anonymous said...

    Oh God...do I have a headache now..lol

    Normally on most hot water heaters you turn the red knob to pilot but you have to press in on it and hold it in for about 45 seconds when you first light the match.
    This should hold the flame, after the 45 seconds you can let it go and the flame should continue burning, then turn the knob to the temperature you want.

    good luck.

    Boris Yeltsin said...

    just go to SiteMeter.com and they'll have the code you put into your blog. They'll tell you how to put it in, but where you put it in will take some experimentation. I've found my biggest "customers" are people from Canada and Vanderbuilt and Yale. (WTF???!!!) Anyhow, it's a little screwing around with the code, but it's worth it once you've got it properly placed.

    Boris Yeltsin said...

    "Both girls are beating the crap out of each other (a daily occurrence). I proceed to tell them to straighten up in my best mother's voice. #1 (13 year old) starts giving me crap about how I always pick on her and she hates me and she's going to live with her grandparents..." - SignGurl

    Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt; loved the way you articulated it. I remember doing the same thing to my parents, and now the tables are turned!

    DZER said...

    you poor thing ... *hugs that somehow also rub your super-stiff nipples* ;)

    I'm sure things will get better much soon ... I mean, they pretty much have to, don't they? LOL

    ~Deb said...

    You had me at hard nipples. What exactly happened at Lake Superior???

    Anyway---that's what scares me about having kids----when they are at that age when they flare up due to hormonal changes...geez, I'm a hormonal wreck myself, and I'm 31!

    I hear ya with the water heater problems. Mine blew out not so long ago and the cold showers did me good---since my girlfriend was sort of being cheap with the intimacy.


    I feel your pain. I hope your week gets better.

    barman said...

    Hey ~Deb, being from Michigan ... lets just say that Lake Superior is very deep and it never gets warm, never ever. Not even in August. I would imagine for the ladies that would turn anything hard and give the guys a terrible case of shrinkage.

    Now if there is more to the Lake Superior story I would like to hear that myself. LOL

    David said...

    Um.... where's the man of the house to take care of that crap?

    wmy said...

    hello again SG
    I love your blog too!!! Great minds think alike huh? Cat puke...blahhghhhhhhgggg!! Please tell me how you get those neat pictures like the corn bread to show up on your blog...specifically please...I have been stuck on stupid lately!! lol thanks in advance!

    Virginia said...

    Huh. My 13 yo son and 8 yo daughter have been going at each other non-stop. I'm ready to strangle them, thinking I'm a bad mom and they're bad offspring (how come THAT term never comes into the picture??!). I didn't have siblings, so this whole beating each other to tears is new to me, but everyone tells me it's norrmall. Yeesh.
    I feel for ya, and I'm glad I'm not the only one. *grin*