Why Yesterday Sucked and Today Still Does

Went to work yesterday and all went unusually well. I didn't cut myself with the X-acto knife or crash the MAC. So on my way home I'm thinking everything is going great.

I pick up daughter #2 (talky talk) and get to see a friends new baby while doing so, bonus. Pick up daughter #1 (talk talk) and she hands me a note and says I volunteered you to bring appetizers in tomorrow for the classroom feast. Classroom feast, WTF! I never heard anything about a feast. She says the teachers just didn't have it together until today so they are letting us know now. Great, now I need to find something to cook? I've been to the store 4 times this weekend. Why couldn't I have known then?

We get home and I decide that I could make cornbread. Yeah, that's it. I have all the stuff so I won't have to go the the store that I hate so much.

I make the cornbread and it's in the oven baking. Daughter #2 (she's 9) keeps saying, "That cornbread smells so good.". I tell her that it's not for us and watch her pout. I pull the cornbread out and it's perfect, of course. I leave it on the cooling rack and go to do some laundry.

I am aware of a ruckus (yeah, I said ruckus) upstairs so I go upstairs to check it out. Both girls are beating the crap out of each other (a daily occurrence). I proceed to tell them to straighten up in my best mother's voice. #1 (13 year old) starts giving me crap about how I always pick on her and she hates me and she's going to live with her grandparents, etc. I tell her that she is being extremely disrespectful to me and that she is grounded off the phone and won't be attending a friend's sleepover. She stomps off to do her homework.

As I'm yelling at #2, I notice that the cornbread had a big hole in the middle that wasn't there when I left it. I ask #2 if she made the hole. She proceeds to shake her head no while looking totally innocent. I say, "I know you did it and why would you lie about it?" Man, what is up with these kids? They are straight A students who are usually respectful. I'm chalking it up to hormones.

I forgot to mention that earlier that morning I had to take a COLD shower. I guess the day really wasn't going that great. We had the water off all day Sunday so I thought maybe it just didn't have time to heat up, whatever. When I come home there is still no hot water. At this point in the kitchen remodel we can only use one side of the new sink because Mr. Sign bought the wrong fitting (twice). So I traipse down to check out the waterheater. I start to read all the warnings and decide that it's too complicated for my pretty little head. I tell hubby to check it when he gets home. After lighting 20 matches, he still can't get the sucker lit.

My sister calls and tells me that her father in law passed away and gives me all the info for the services. So now I feel bad that I'm feeling sorry for myself while they have endured such a tragic loss. I decide that I'm going to bed early 'cause I'm super bitch and assume that things will get better in the morning.

Morning comes and low and behold, things are not better. I decide to take matters into my own hands and try to light the waterheater. On my way down into the furnace room I step in the biggest ,wettest, grossest pile of cat puke you have ever seen. Whenever I see puke, I wretch and gag and carry on. It's all I can do to stop from hurling. I had my slippers on so I take them off and throw them into the laundry.

I'm back on my way to the furnace room to try to light the further mucking thing. I have to lay on my stomach to try to light it because it's on the floor. I turn all the levers and light the match, put the match by the burner and........nothing. Nothing happens.

I call the local gas company because my mom works for them and she says she thinks they will light it for free. After placing a call to them I find out that it's $50 just for them to come and then you pay them for their time and materials. Holy shit!

I just can't bring myself to take a cold shower again. I haven't had my nipples be that hard since I was in Lake Superior last summer. They felt like they were going to explode like a 16 year old boy after watching his first porn scene.

So, here I sit wishing I was clean and that I could start painting the kitchen. But I can't clean my brushes without hot water.