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    Monday, February 13, 2006

    This One Is For The Ladies

    I'm going to write about something that I hope that all the male readers out there know nothing about. Feel free to skip right over this if you must. You have been warned!

    Most of you know that I'm a big girl. Always have been. Big girls need big bras. I've been wearing underwire bras since high school because my mother insisted that I get used to it. You see, my mother was a 40 F. Yes, you heard me right, she was huge. Not grossly huge, but huge. My mother had been that size since the age of 12. I cannot even imagine.

    Her whole life, she was known by the size of her breasts. Those things had a mind of their own. She pushed people around with them. You could be having a conversation with her and all of a sudden her boobs were in your face and space. She could herd people like cattle. We would be working in the kitchen and I would ask her where something was and she would point you in the general direction by using her breasts.

    As you can imagine, men loved her. She has a sparkling personality to go along with the set God gave her so they (her and her boobs) were always the life of the party.

    Her breasts defined who she was. She would never hear of having them made smaller even though they affected everything she did. She had to buy shirts 2 sizes bigger just to fit over the girls. In order to play golf, she would have to tuck her boobs under her arms in order to swing. Quite amusing to watch people's reactions around us on the golf course. *snicker*

    I'm talking about her size in the past tense because last May she had a breast reduction done. She had terrible shoulder problems and the doctor told her that the only thing that would correct it was breast reduction surgury. She thought about it for months and after much suffering decided to go for it. She was very sad and I told her to cheer up because they would be perky. She didn't know that they lifted them too. She was ecstatic!

    I got to be her nurse afterward. I had to change the bandages and apply ointment. At first they looked Frankenstein-ish because she had been cut from under her arms, all the way around below her breasts, then staight up to the nipple, and then both areolas were cut off, their size reduced and reattached. I have never been so sick of seeing boobs in my life. Especially since they were fabulously firm and perky! They are now 38 B's and perfect. Bitch! Just kidding, I'm happy for her.

    Why am I talking about my mother's huge boobs? I can't remember....oh, I remember now. I was trying to lead into my over the shoulder boulder holders otherwise known as bras.

    When Mr. Sign and I were dating, he went into my mother's room to change his clothes. He came out with eyes as big as saucers. I asked him what was wrong. He said that he had seen my mom's bra and he wanted to know if mine were ever going to grow up like hers. Men! Sheesh!

    Back to my bras. As I mentioned before, my mother had taught me to wear underwires. While I was at work today, my underwire snapped. I thought, "No problem, I can just wear it this way even though my left boob was all deformed looking now. It's not like I can go without one."

    The day progressed and unfortunately the wire worked it's way through the material and cut into my breast. It hurt so bad but I decided to tough it out. The pain was unbearable and when I got home, I took my bra off (as I always do, so if you are coming to visit you might want to call first) and it was soaked in blood! Ugh! How attractive is that?

    So, I ask you, who invented these torture devices anyway?

    So which style of bra should I choose to replace the one I wrecked

    today?

    Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too.

    27 comments:

    cutie said...

    Oh honey, let me guess...it was a Lane Bryant underwire that snapped...right? I have had my share of those snapping, poking wires. The day usually ended with a wad of toilet paper stuffed under my bra to keep if from drawing blood!

    And I have to say, as a big girl with bodacious ta`s...I truly doubt that the black bra would look that good on 'real' big boobs. You see, my boobs would hang over and cover the pretty scalloped bottom! Ha!!!

    C.

    American Navel said...

    If the item of clothing on the right is considered a bra, then I suggest that one. Though I have a feeling it might not provide the most support.

    Anyway, happy valentines day.

    DZER said...

    I vote the one on the right.

    But you knew that, didn't ya? LOL

    Tumbleweed said...

    I don't feel one damn bit sorry for you(jealous)! I am a 38 B and it is no party here. Give me some of what you got and we will both be happy! :)

    BTExpress said...

    I think you should get one of each. The one on the left for work and the one on the right for play. Makes sense, right? Happy Valentines Day.

    Jodes said...

    Oh my, that is awful that you were bleeding. I am very small chested and always wish for more, guess I should shut up and be happy. :)

    hyena9 said...

    Against all advise, particularly my own mother's, I ALWAYS cut the wire out of the underwire bras.
    They stick, they poke, they cause BLEEDING and they're just damn annoying. But sans wire, they work just as well.

    But why don't you just get non-underwire bras?

    I'm glad ya asked! ;>
    The truth is, I don't like 'em. For us voluptuous women, they're not terribly comfortable or attractive and those bras use more material than necessary. So if it's hot out, or you're wearing multiple layers because it's cold, you end up with boob sweat. No thank you!
    So, as I'm sure you've already guessed, I vote neither. Get a cute and comfy underwire bra and modify that puppy. It's the punk way to deal with a bra!!! ;>

    crabcake said...

    I kinda like btexpress's idea.

    The husband bought me one of those Miracle bras once for Christmas. I wanted a video game. the thing cost him like $50 or something. So I say to him..."What the hell is this? Where's my video game? Why would you pay so much for lousy stuffed bra?" And he answers..."What price would YOU pay for a miracle?" Asshole.

    Signgurl. You were bleeding? Oh man. That sucks. I dunno. I might have been tempted to pull that puppy off and let the girls roam.

    Madame X said...

    Gee, I can't remember the last time I wore a bra.

    Danny said...

    I went back to work today because vacation sucked so bad.

    Oswald Croll said...

    I vote on the one on the right....and some ass-less chaps.

    Happy Valentine's Day....

    Os

    MamaKBear said...

    Ugh...I hate bras! One of the best things about being a SAHM...I go without as much as possible!!

    Worst experience ever concerning bras?? Bra shopping with my grandmother when I was about 13 or 14! Oh, the horror!!

    But hey, Happy Valentine's Day!!

    Top cat said...

    definitely the one on the right(wink)!
    Nice story about your mom's boobs, somehow I feel I know you all a lot better.:)
    tc

    ell said...

    i'm totally on the other end of the spectrum, but that's really the pits - sorry you hurt yourself! i have my own underwire bra story though. my washing machine was on the fritz, and my other half who prides himself on being mr. fixit, couldn't figure out the problem. so he grudgingly calls for service. i come home from work and there he is standing next to the repairman, the two of them grinning, and he's holding up the culprit. an underwire from one of my bras snuck it's way out and ending up breaking the washer! how embarassing is that???

    Cupid said...

    BABY YOU CAN COME OVER AND COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR BREAST SIZE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. AS LONG AS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I GET TO SHOOT YOU IN THE ASS WITH THIS ARROW.

    YEAH BABY. YOU'LL LOVE IT

    SignGurl said...

    Cutie~Us big girls gotta stick together!

    Navel~I'm thinking the one on the right is not supportive enough, but it's so sexy.

    DZER~Yeah, like I didn't, heh! Perv!

    Weed~Dammit girl, feel sorry for me!

    BTE~Brilliant idea!

    Jodes~Small is always better, trust me!

    Hyena~I've done that before but somehow my boobs look all egg shaped. Weird, huh?

    CrabCake~OMG, I just typed CraPCake instead of CraBCake! Sorry about that. He got you a Wonder Bra instead of a game? I would have kicked his ass and made him wear the damn bra!

    Madame~Biotch!!!

    Danny~Oh no! I'll be right over to see if you are ok.

    Os~Send me some assless chaps! Ha ha!

    MamaK~The only thing worse than shopping with my grandma (size 34 A) was shopping with my mother who would inevidably tell you to put the bra on and lift up your boobs into the bra and bend over so they fall into place. Nice, huh?

    TC~I love a dirty minded kitty! ;-)

    Ell~That's hilarious! My sister had the same thing happen only it was her entire bra stuck in there!

    Cupid~I wasn't complaining about their size, just the pain I have to deal with because of them.

    Monkey said...

    I like the idea of buying the underwire bra and taking the wire out. I like the "Body by Victoria" brand of bras. They are the most comfortable of all the ones I've tried.

    I love Boob Chat.

    Monkey's Human

    jiggs said...

    Happy VD signgurl!

    jiggs said...

    Also I should add that I'm enjoying the website that you got that pic on the right from.

    SignGurl said...

    Monkey's Human~I love boobie talk too. Let's do it more often!

    Jiggs~I'm glad someone enjoyed the fruits of my labor. That sounded kinda dirty, huh? I meant it that way, hahaha!

    MamaKBear said...

    LOL That was EXACTLY what my Grandmother did, only she'd even stick her hands in there and arrange them herself!! I about died!

    Big Pissy said...

    the one on the right looks like the most fun! :)

    Love your story!!!!

    Lara said...

    If you're going to wear a bra, it should be attractive. The one on the left should be thrown away!!!

    Of course, if you're going to wear a bra, they should also fit. Funny how so few people make 36A bras. So I generally go without too. Yes, even at work unless it will show TOO much!

    jiggs said...

    You are a dirty signgurl.

    confusedandlost said...

    The one on the left. Better be comfortable while wearing a bra.

    Just my opinion though

    ~Deb said...

    True face: You can get hit by lightening just by wearing underwire bras. Hmmm....

    My mother has a very very very large chest. She has to wear 40 F's or something to that nature. Her bras are like camping tents---for real. I can only dream--right? *sigh*

    Her back hurts her all the time but she refuses to go under the knife. It must be a real strain on the back I can only assume. I can only ~dream~ to assume. Lord help me.

    ~Deb said...

    True FACT* .... Sorry. What was I thinking?