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    Tuesday, May 09, 2006

    The Postman Always Rings Twice?


    I was reading a post at Alex & Suze's the other day that inspired me to write about my hatred of our mail carrier.

    It all started on the second day after we moved in. The postal carriers walk their routes since the houses are so close . I had attached the mail box onto the front of our house as is customary since we live in the city. It was on the right hand side of the door (when exiting the house). I was quite proud of myself for doing the job on my own.

    This was our first house, and being that we were young and in love, we took it upon ourselves to do what young lovers do and initiated the family room in the back of the house. The French doors were open since it was a beautiful Spring day.

    I looked like a spider on top of my prey as we did our thing on the floor. Suddenly, we heard a knock at the back door (remember, it's open. New house = no curtains or blinds). I jumped off Mr. Sign and quickly looked around for my clothes. Mr. Sign just layed there smirking at me as I scrounged around for my clothes and ended up with Mr. Sign's shirt on.

    I sheepishly looked out the door only to be greeted aggressively by the mailman. He began to yell at me about my placement of the mailbox. He said that I had placed it on the wrong side as it was on his left side and that he had to walk up steps to reach it.

    I said, "Why are you knocking on our back door? Did you even try the front bell? Isn't it your job to get the mail into the box no matter what side it's on?" He told me to move the box or he wouldn't deliver the mail.

    And so began a 14 year hate/hate relationship with the mail jerk. None of the neighbors cared for him either. He married a woman who was on our route. That's probably why he delivered our mail at 8 p.m. most nights (using a flashlight in the winter months).

    I still laugh when I think about his first impression of us since I know damned well he knew what we were doing when he knocked on the back door.

    17 comments:

    The Taker of Gist said...

    He knew because he's telepathic. I know the type; always scrounging at the back of K-Marts, looking for bargains.

    Suze said...

    LMAO Jenn, I can only relate this to the way he dressed in a morning.

    BTW, the pictures on the Internet were good, that colour shirt suits you. Lol.

    Manny said...

    big stupid mailman. I hope that you called and complained.
    Did you move your mailbox?

    Phain said...

    So I'm guessing he DIDN'T get any McDonald's gift certificates for Christmas???

    Sal said...

    To funny. Would that be Spiderwoman? Woo Hoo

    buddha_girl said...

    You gotta be fucking kidding me here. I'd report that nitwit to the Postmaster General in a NY Minute.

    As for delivering the mail at 8pm...that's a bunch of shit.

    If I knew the ins and outs of the mail thing, I'd tell ya more. Husband Guy's father is some big-wig with the post office, but seeing as that shmuck hasn't talked to his own son in about 18 years, I got nothing. *shrugging*

    (That pic on the post gives me the freaking willies!)

    SignGurl said...

    Gist ~ He IS a telepath and he works at KMart in his off times.

    Suze ~ Umm, what pictures? I'm scared now, lol.

    M-E ~ I didn't have to call on the ass. All of the neighbors beat me to it. Yes, I gave in and moved the box. I had to plug the old holes and repaint, argh!

    Le Chat ~ He never got anything from me except dirty looks. I'm so mean.

    Sal ~I've got moves you've never seen ;-)

    Buddha Girl ~ Luckily he retired a couple of months ago. What really pissed me off once (one of the many) was when I went to a local restaurant and found our mailman sitting there at 2 pm smoking and reading the paper. I asked the waiter if he had ever seen th mailman before and he said that he was there every day. Fucker, why aren't you delivering my mail before 6pm? Could it be because you are sitting on your ass all day? The guy in the pic actually looks better than our mailman.

    barman said...

    I don't know my mail carrier. Even though I am in a city (township actually) they make us place the mail boxes at the curb so they can drive on through. I have been fortunate my mail carrier has went out of his way on a handfull of occasions and other than that I hardley notice he is there. Of course someone does manage to miss sort the mail.

    I can not believe the carrier would have went into the backyard. I guess I should be real happy with what I have.

    By the way, spider woman, too funny.

    barman said...

    Oh I forgot. Once I was in Ypsilanti at a pizza hut. We were there for over and hour. It was about 3:00 in the afternoon and there were postal carriers there longer than us and I think they were drinking beer but I may be mistaken on the beer. It seems funny they would be done at 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon.

    They put barcodes on my mailbox that the carrier needs to scan as they do their route. Maybe they should do that everywhere.

    mgc said...

    watcher, what a perv! did any of your mail come soiled? asshole.

    Motor City Monk said...

    I'm no longer taking my amazingly consistent and timely mailman for granted! Thank you.

    Nonny said...

    Is he still your mailman? Did you move the mailbox? If so, why? Is there an actual city ordinance stating the mailbox must be on a certain side? Do you have a homeowner's association? Honostly Jenn this post has raised more questions than it answered ;)

    ell said...

    what a piece of work! lucky for you he's retired.

    Laurie said...

    Careful that he doesn't go postal on you...

    I constantly get mail in my mailbox that is for my neighbors which leads me to believe that my mail carrier is dyslexic or more likely, just plain stupid.

    You should have just kept on with the spider thing.. LOL

    crabcake said...

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA!

    You should have made him at least pay you for the show. LOL!

    I had a mailman like that too! It was......3 houses ago! Bustard!

    Maybe it would have been easier for the poor thing if you guys had just all driven out to the post office to pick your mail up.

    American Navel said...

    what a douche

    Chrissie said...

    lol what a dickhead... at leats you are rid of him now! Hows the new one??

    My town is very small... mario is the one who comes to work, hes a wealth of infomation LOL... the one here at home is John, hes nice, always smiles n waves while my dogs snarl thru the window at him.

    Now... the one you should come by to see is the overnight guy... Zack.. holy cow. Hes such a cutie! If only I were about 15 years younger LOL... We all flirt shamlessly with him anyway, hes a babe. geez.