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    Friday, November 24, 2006

    Family Holidays

    Thanksgiving was hard for me but not for the reason you might think. Food was no problem. I had turkey, green bean casserole and mashed potatoes. I put them on an appetizer plate to make it look more full. I was very satisfied. I didn't snack on anything at the snack table.

    Things went south as soon as I entered the door. My grandpa answered the door and immediately let me know that everyone had been watching a video of me taken in 1987. He just couldn't get over how much smaller I used to be. I just let it slide and continued on into the house.

    My grandma then made the comment that I was looking better. I wanted to scream, "Better than what?" but instead I said, "I'll take that as a complement even though I'm not sure that's what it was meant to be." I've never talked back to someone who hurt me but I couldn't hold back.

    My stepdad then cornered me in the kitchen and was all excited because he had seen the video and he's sure that's what Mr. Sign and I will look like in a year. I had to yell at him (loudly), "I know, I know". I'm sure he meant well even though he's made many rude comments over the years.

    All of these incidents happened in about two minutes. I tried to shake them off and have a great day.

    Most of the day was spent with all 29 of us looking at old pictures which of course brought up how "thin" I used to be. (I was never, ever thin. I wore a size 13 when I got married.)

    As we were cleaning up, the final blow came. I was talking to Mr. Sign about all the rude comments I had endured all day. My mother opened her mouth and said, "I guess the truth hurts." I couldn't hold back and had to yell, "Yeah, mom, that was helpful to me."

    I immediately packed up and left without saying goodbye. I had to because I knew I could no longer hold back the tears. I cried all the way home and even after we got there. I was devastated.

    Most people wouldn't be hurt by these comments. I expect them from everyone, except my mother. My mom has always been the most supportive person of everything I've done, including my weight. She would take me shopping as I gained weight to try to make me feel better about myself. She's never once made a comment about how much I weigh.

    She tried calling as soon as I got home but I was still too upset to talk so I ignored the phone.

    A cousin called and talked to Mr. Sign saying how sorry she was about the abuse I had endured that day. (I guess it wasn't just me being emotional.)

    Mom called me this morning and chatted like nothing ever happened. That's her way of apologizing. I have never heard her say she was sorry to anyone.

    I was reminded of a conversation I had with my weight loss surgeon. He told me to be aware that those closest to me would be the ones who would sabotage my weight loss attempts. I never dreamed he would be so right.

    So how was your Thanksgiving?

    17 comments:

    Manny said...

    Wow, that's sounds hurtful. I'm sorry sweetie.

    Next year you and mr sign can just come to Crab's house. I'll mark my calender.

    I'm glad you got to eat something. I ate way too much and then after I got home, i had more food before going to bed. OK The mince pie is starting to talk to me now. LOL

    Sicilian said...

    Gurl. . . . I hate that your holidays were very hurtful. . . . I think you did a great job. . . . and that you endured. . . well that is your character showing. . . . I ache for you. . . I hope you will not let those things stick in your head and heart. . . . and mostly know that they are all doing what they know. . . . which obviously isn't much. . . .
    Hugs to you.
    Ciao

    gab said...

    Boy does your family sound like mine. While there has never been so many at one time together the ones who were there always make it a point to let me know how much Ive gained and what am I doing about it. Of course now that my mom has passed I rarely go see my dad(he was the most hurtful of them all) and I basically speak to my siblings on the phone or by email. Glad to hear that the food problem was easy for you to get through and I know your on the winning side of losing!!!!WTG. Im seeing the specialist next week got my fingers crossed.

    Anonymous said...

    What the hell is what with the parental units and their mouths this Thanksgiving? My dad almost got jacked up because of his stupid mouth yesterday....I think he forgets that I'll be the one picking out his redneck nursing home....

    Danyele said...

    Oh Mrs Sign.. I'm so sorry to hear about the bullshit that you had to endure on your Thanksgiving. I know that had to really hurt, especially now without food to console you the way it might have in the past. You're just as beautiful today as you were in those pictures - and now you've done something wonderful for yourself to inprove your health and enrich your life. If they can't be support of that, then to hell with 'em. When you're ready, I hope you tell your family members how they made you feel because you deserve better than that. Take care sweetie..

    R1 said...

    Hi,

    Long time reader but first time comment. I've admired your courage and sense of humor for quite a while. My best wishes to you.

    Family can be tough to take at times. That's why I moved away from my home state - to get away from them. I have told my family numerous times that "the more absent they are, the more fond of them I am"! What makes it really tough is that my wife is really close with her family so I can see how dysfunctional my family is compared to hers. Sad but true.

    Hang in there, R1

    Lori said...

    I'm so sorry that you had to put up with these comments. There's no excuse for them and I can imagine how it hurt to hear your mom say that.

    Maybe your mom was jealous of your attention and lashed out. I'm certainly not excusing her but maybe for some reason, she's both happy you're losing weight and yet, threatened by it.

    That's probably what your surgeon meant by the closest to you sabotaging your weight loss; it's scary to them that you are changing and you're not in your "usual" role in the family.

    Thanksgiving's over, thank goodness, and you'll have to figure out what to do about Christmas. But you have time to figure that out. Hang in there!

    tina said...

    I agree with Lori. Hopefully, they really are happy for you and just aren't good at expressing it!

    ell said...

    so sorry you had to bear those insensitive comments. why is it the ones closest to us usually inflict the most pain? hang in there girl.

    xoxo

    kimmyk said...

    I can't believe your own family would say such hurtful things. I'm really sorry to hear that and I'm sorry at a time to give thanks your family couldn't be thankful to have you on your way to good health.

    That just makes me angry for you.

    Keep your chin up-next Thanksgiving it'll be you with the Cheshire Cat grin and them with their mouths hanging open telling you how great you look and how beautiful and skinny you are.

    Not that beauty and skinny go hand in hand, but you know what I mean.

    Top cat said...

    Honey..you are beautiful!!
    Sending a big warm hug to you.
    tc

    BTExpress said...

    I'm so sorry. One major holiday down and one to go. Be strong and try to bite back with a few snide remarks of your own. Put them on the spot. It's worked for me. The people I said something back too, never opened their mouth again.

    MamaKBear said...

    Well, blah!! I'm sorry your Thanksgiving was marred by insensitive family members! I guess it's true, that the ones we love the most hurt us the worst. :(

    Our Thanksgiving wasn't bad...we stayed home this year, just us and the girls and avoided all the family stress! Won't be able to do that at Christmas though...

    MilkMaid said...

    I know this pain, I'm sorry you are in it. I'm willing to bet as time moves forward and your self worth grows stronger, this peeps are gonna be REAL SORRY LOL...(((((big big hugs))))

    Big Pissy said...

    I agree with Lori.

    I'm really sorry that happened to you.

    {{{hugs}}}

    Anonymous said...

    i am so sorry to read what you had to go through

    that is so awful

    i can't imagine what would possess someone to go on and on about the subject of your weight

    out of interest, are they "thin"?

    if they aren't, are they feeling threatened by your bold and courageous decision?

    tami said...

    Oh, sweetie - damn. That really sucks. Who gives a flyin' f**k if one is thin, thick, short, tall, hairy, bald, whatever - the fact is that they lack something that you have, and that is tact, plain and simple.

    I'm really sorry that they were rude, and I'm sending a virtual Guido your way for imaginary kneecaps to be busted.

    dayum.