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    Wednesday, September 12, 2007

    Why I'm Not The Perfect Female

    I was thinking about myself and the fact that I don't resemble the ideal female. Below is the list. I'm sure it will continue to grow.

    • Shopping is an abomination. I mean, I don't want to buy anything. You could try to pay me to shop and I still wouldn't do it.
    • I'm the one in a relationship that worries about money. "No, Mr. Sign, we can't afford that beautiful diamond ring for me."
    • I do all the financial planning including paying the bills. I left it up to him for a period of 3 months in which time he made an $800 error not in our favor.
    • Belching could be a second job for me especially at unexpected times. I may erupt at your formal company dinner party.
    • Cuddling is best left up to kids and their teddy bears. Ok, maybe for that 30 seconds post coitus when I'm in LaLa land it's acceptable.
    • Bugs don't cause me to shriek or even get excited.
    • Bathroom humor makes me laugh for days. After watching Dumb & Dumber, I was still laughing 3 days later. (The toilet scene with Jeff Daniels killed me.)
    • Romance is not a priority for me.
    • Getting dirty is acceptable and even enjoyable for me. The dirtier the better, as long as it's not inside my house.
    • Fru fru drinks don't do it for me. I don't need no stinkin' umbrella. Give me a vodka tonic or a tequila shot straight up, no lime, no salt.
    • Home improvements are my thing. I can hang and finish drywall as well as cut, bevel and finish cabinet doors. I am limited when it comes to electricity and plumbing makes me slightly ambivalent.
    • Shaving is done once a week whether I need it or not. I won't spend hours every week trying to stay stubble free. I'm too old to fight follicles.
    • I can get ready in less than half an hour including washing, drying, curling my hair and applying makeup.
    This list makes me sound like I'm not feminine. I do like to look nice and sometimes wear makeup. My hair has to be perfect because if it's not I will pout all day long and will not be able to look people in the eye because I know they are thinking about my awful hair. I love being a woman but admit that sometimes I have some of the aforementioned masculine traits.


    Yippeeskip said...

    Wow, my kind of woman-a little on the butchy side.

    lime said...

    i hate shopping too. and i refuse to fuss on my hair. if it requires more than about 60 seconds to style it after washing, i don't want any part of it. and make-up...fergit it, no way.

    Donna said...

    Holy shit... I think I lost my balls! Do you have them?


    My Grandmother used to call us women "stand-up broads."

    MilkMaid said...

    Funny..your list could be my list. All the way down the line.

    MilkMaid said...

    And PS, I think that makes us the PERFECT female. I'd like to be married to me. ;-) Or you. LOL

    Chrissie said...

    LOL... thats not the ideal woman??

    well.. its my ideal woman! I think your my perfect match... though I do freak on the bugs *L* if they touch me, or rush to attack me anyway.

    Crabby said...

    I think you sound plenty feminine. My list would be exactly the same. Which, of course, means...we're too hot to handle. WOOT!

    gab said...

    Sounds a little like me. I am a carpenter's daughter I know how to hammer, saw etc etc.
    I too hate to shave more than once a week. Make-up for me is not important. I just pain dont wear any. Hair...wash and dry. No style its not important. Dirt is dirt it happens. I dont care of it in the house but sometime you gotta put up with it. Finances well that Im very bad with. Mr Gab has the mind for that stuff so I leave it up to him.

    Top cat said...

    You sound like one cool chick to me.:)

    G-Man said...

    Are you kidding?
    You are the most feminine Woman that I've ever met!!
    And the most beautiful woman that I've met personally!!
    So There!!!!
    I DO love your mustache though...

    snowelf said...

    Oh my god, I love you, Jenn!!
    I feel so much the same about these things--not all of them, like I do like to buy myself things, and I like umbrella drinks, but the rest...pretty close to the same.

    And I love your hair.


    p.s.I am having a horrible hair day and I feel like I shouldn't even have left my house.