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    Friday, December 09, 2005

    What Happened?

    I woke up this morning and found something strange. No it wasn't the Italian guy. He's always strange.

    I had a bruise on my left breast, a weird hickey like mark on the right side of my neck and I can hardly lift my left arm. I know that Mr. Sign didn't take advantage of me while I was in a coma because he slept downstairs. What happened to me last night?

    I think I have been abducted by aliens. Yeah, that's it. Now I'm afraid to check my orifices for fear that something like a probe has been inserted into my naughty parts. Maybe they did some
    kind of sexual experiments with me. If I find green goo oozing out of me someplace I'm calling the X-files.

    I'm sure this happened to me because I heard some freak on the radio last week and I was making fun of him. He lives somewhere in New York and he makes hats out of plastic and sends them to people who have aliens tapping into their thoughts. He makes them out of the same material that computers are made out of using exactly 7 layers. 6 is not enough and 8 is too many. He has scientifically decided this. He claimed that by wearing the hat, aliens would not be able to communicate with you, therefore, you would not be able to be abducted.

    So I have ordered my hat and plan on wearing it to bed. Dead Sexy!

    P.S. Mother nature dropped 7 inches of the white stuff (not the sticky kind, hehhehe) last night so the kids have a snow day. My dance worked HEYYAWANNASNOWADAYA HEYYAWANNASNOWADAYA.

    I'm still working on the mother in law story for those 2 people that care to finish reading.

    Edit~ I just spent 1 1/2 hours blowing the neighbor's and mine. I'm talking about the driveway you pervert!

    28 comments:

    kellywalters said...

    Fucking YEAH! you were taken by the green people! thats fucking pimp..

    Look at my snow pic!

    Laurie said...

    I hate snow days. HATE them.

    Quazirob said...

    Hey I resemble that lasrt remark ... oops, i'm out (lol)

    Maybe you were dreaming of being ravished by some hot guy, it was so real you woke up with the proof.

    SignGurl said...

    Roxi~ Green guys do rock, don't they? And cool pic!

    Laurie~I secretly like snow days 'cause I don't have to drag the girls to 2 different schools and them pick them up later.

    Rob~You know, come the think of it (I just said come *snicker*), there was this one guy in particualar that I'm starting to remember......hrmmmm......

    Jay said...

    Hey Jenn, used to love snow days, but down here these hillbillies go to the stores and buy up all the h2o, bread & beer. They think that a 1/2 inch will snow them in for a week!

    Seriously, it's a mad dash to Wal-mart and the shelves get emptied fast!

    gigi said...

    SLUT!

    Top cat said...

    left, I thought the hickey was on your right breast...oops!..lol

    I hope YOUR snowdance works..LOL

    later,
    tc

    Big Pissy said...

    Bet your neighbor appreciated the "blow job"! :)
    Were you watching "X-Files" before you went to bed or something????

    The infamous Jen said...

    i hope the green stuff doesn't ooze out of you, its supposed to stay in

    ~Deb said...

    Got poked and prodded? Hmmm.... can you send them my way? My bed has absolutely no activity. *sigh*

    SignGurl said...

    Jay~Those people are why I live in the North.

    Gigi~Yes, I am. ;-)

    TC~Oops, my bad, it is!

    Big Pissy~My neighbor LOVES it when I blow him! and no, I haven't seen the X-Files in a long time. I'm sure it was the idiot on the radio that made me think of this. Hmmm...maybe he sent them because I was laughing at him.

    Jen~So far no green stuff or anal probes have popped out.

    Deb~If I see him tonight I'll send him toward New York. Sorry about the bed situation.

    pantylines said...

    any green stuff yet????

    well things her in socal are nice...sorry to hear about the snow. i don't know how you east coasters do it....

    I am pretty sure it was 75 and sunny today!

    Calzone said...

    Yeah umm...sorry. That was me.

    barman said...

    Green ooze, oh my. You know I have had this sore sholder lately for no reason and this ... well I would rather not go into it. No probes yet that I am aware of (thank goodness) but you never know. Maybe I am being visited too.

    The truth is out there.

    The Village Idiot said...

    Ha! I'm tagging you with the malicious Seven Sevens Thingy! Tag, you're it!

    Ha!
    the idiot

    SignGurl said...

    Pantylines~Keep rubbing it in. About the weather I mean, but feel free to rub other stuff.

    Calzone~I have informed my husband that I will be leaving him for you.

    Barman~Glad you haven't found any probes. Those things will scare you.

    Idiot~Do I know you?

    Lara said...

    Ewwwww snow! Heck, I'd rather blow the neighbors for 1 1/2 hours than deal with snow!!! Who knows... maybe the aliens & their probes would even be better!

    wmy said...

    OMG!!! What in the hell are you doing in your sleep??????? That will teach you to make fun of freaks huh? hahahahh...and I am one of the 2 people who are interested in the MIL story k?

    Calzone said...

    Whoa baby...not so fast. You know I love you but I need some time to figure this out. Why don't we keep fooling around and you keep loaning me money for a while.

    Suze said...

    Jenn, I kept getting bruises in strange places without explanation a couple of months ago.

    Alex posted about the "sexual injury fairy", who gives you bruises of unspecified origin.

    Has he been to visit you too? LOL.

    SignGurl said...

    Lara~Just enjoy the white stuff, and the snow too.

    WMY~Thanks for admitting you are one of the two.

    Calzone~I never knew I could have feelings for a dragon. I guess after you admitted it was you in my bed I was hooked. You obviously rocked my world. I just wish I was sober at the time and could remember it.

    Suze~Keep the fairies in the UK please. I don't need any more problems.

    Calzone said...

    You were so wasted baby. I put your panties on your head and everything.

    SignGurl said...

    I wondered how that happened. I forgot to mention it mostly because I was embarrassed by being drunk off my ass (again). Next time be sure to roll me over and tuck me in nicely, ok?

    DZER said...

    it wasn't me ... unfortunately. I was at a party with a couple hundred people as witnesses ;)

    SignGurl said...

    Dzer~If only Guam weren't so far away, *sigh*.

    Jon said...

    My driveway is clear, but I could sure use a blowjob

    Michele in Michigan said...

    How does your butt feel? Does your butt hurt? Cuz if your BUTT hurts, you have so TOTALLY been visited by the ay-lee-ums. Word!

    Oh, and that guy in New York is full of shit. Those hats only work if they're made out of foil! Sheesh.

    ;)

    SignGurl said...

    Jon~sorry but I'm really tired. I just had to blow everyone again 'cause we got more. Hehehehe.

    Michelle~My butt's feeling right perky today. Much better since I crapped out that huge satellite just like Cartman did on South Park.