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    Saturday, January 14, 2006

    Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

    I have always been known for someone who had beautiful hair. I'm not trying to be conceited ('cause God knows I'm an inferior being). In high school I was voted BEST HAIR. It was really the only thing about myself that I always liked. In the 80's I had all that big hair. You know, the huge bangs that took an hour and a bottle of hairspray to keep up every day?

    It's really hard to find someone who cuts hair well. In my whole life there have only been three. One was a man who always cut it the way he thought it should look. He didn't care what I wanted but when he was done, I always looked fabulous.

    The second was a great friend who just knew how to work with my locks. She was awesome and thankfully she was still around when I got married. She ended up moving away and I still consider driving the 5 hours round trip to get that good cut.

    I went at least 12 years without having a real haircut always cutting my own hair. I would get it cut professionally once in a while but always hated how it turned out.

    About 3 years ago I decided to cut my hair short. I had always had medium to long length hair and it was a big decision for me to cut it. I had always admired Meg Ryan's cute short styles. I wanted to look just like her. (I wish! She's so cute and little.)

    One day I was walking in the mall by myself. I saw one of those walk in hair places and decided to go for it. A young girl cut it and it took her over two hours. (I donated it to Locks Of Love.) When she styled it, it looked awesome. I didn't even think about the 45 minutes it took her to style it. I was happy and free. It felt like a weight (literally) off my shoulders.

    I went to a party that night and everyone told me how awesome it looked and that it really drew attention to my face. Not really what I was going for but what the hell. They liked it, they REALLY liked it!

    The next morning I woke up and excitedly washed my hair and proceeded to style it. WTF? I couldn't do a damn thing with it. I looked like a boy! I was completely horrified. I called the salon and asked to speak to the girl who had cut it the day before. She convinced me to come in and she would show me some products that would make my hair time easier. $80 later, I found that the products didn't help at all since I had no idea what to do with the short mess on my head.

    I suffered for about 6 months and decided I would once again try and get it cut. The young girl this time cut it even shorter than the time before! Argh! I looked like hell and was sure I'd only be know for my scary hair for the rest of my life.

    A lady who's daughter went to school with mine started talking to me on a regular basis and I soon found out that she was a hair stylist. I told her about my dilemma in not being able to style my hair and was sure she thought I was an idiot.

    I decided to give her a try and didn't have to make an appointment since she works in one of those walk in places. She did an awesome job and even taught me how to style it! I was indebted to her for life!

    Fast forward to November. I went in just after Thanksgiving to have my hair cut one last time before she left to have her baby. I asked her to cut it a little shorter since she wouldn't be able to cut it for a while. It turned out great but started growing at a phenomenal rate.

    Last weekend I decided that I could stand it no longer. I decided to cut it myself.

    Now I have cut many people's hair and really think I may have missed my calling. I have always cut my girls, hubby's, mom's, sister's and best friend's hair so I'm no spring chicken in this area.

    I went to work in the bathroom and started to feel like Edward Scissorhands. Hair balls were flying all over the bathroom. I even tackled the back. It's only hair. It will grow back, right?

    After I got done, I cleaned up my mess and threw it into the bathroom garbage can. My hair looked great and I patted myself on the back since I had just saved myself $20 dollars (remember, I'm a cheap bitch).

    Hubby came home late that night and asked me if I was ok. I sheepishly said that I was and why was he asking. He said that he had seen all the hair in the garbage and he assumed it was MY PUBIC HAIR! I was laughing so hard at the thought of him thinking that, I couldn't breathe. When I finally calmed down I told him that I think he would have noticed if the beaver had gotten that wild.

    I want to know why my mother never told me that your pubic area was a place that needs to be groomed just like your eyebrows? Am I the only one who never knew this? And why, now that I'm older does it seem to be more unruly?


    Suze said...

    LMFAO Jenn, just how long is it since he visited kitty?

    If you had got a bush like that you wouldn't need to wear pants. LOL. Aren't men great?

    SignGurl said...

    Suze~It hadn't been long at all! That's why I was laughing so hard. LMAO at not needing pants!

    Danny said...

    I need a picture

    Bruce said...

    That's just too funny...

    gigi said...

    Here on the pube tending...never knew! Also never knew you were supposed to shave past your knees...I knee bangs for a long time!

    Anonymous said...

    you ARE so FUNNY!LOL

    I want to see your hair cut..pretty please!

    SignGurl said...

    Danny~I didn't take pictures.

    Bruce~Glad to be of service.

    Gigi~I didn't know you were supposed to shave above the knee!

    TC~which hair cut?

    DZER said...



    and yes ... let's see the shortie haircut ;)

    Anonymous said...

    uh huh....you got me! I think the ones above your pretty blue eyes will do for................now.(wink)

    sassinak said...

    i still don't shave past my knees... just don't care. as for the pubes i can't shave cause it makes the herpes act up so i leave it wild and trim it short.

    as for haircuts... dude when i lived in vancouver i only got my hair cut when i visited toronto... i SO sympathise with how hard it is to find a hairdresses.

    The Seeker said...

    A weekly trim keeps the forest away... Why don't you get hubby to do it for you?

    barman said...

    Boy what a nice little post ... then it went down hill fast. LMAO I take it you have natural curly hair?

    I would so love to see the hair cut ... above the waist especially if it shows off those lovely eyes.

    By the way, I am not all that concerned about my hair so I have not looked around but I have only had probably two people who I think did the impossible and made me look good.

    SignGurl said...

    DZER~My haircut looks the same as it always does but still ok.

    TC~Glad you clarified that, heh heh!

    Sass~You know, now that I'm married, I hate to say I really don't care if my thighs are shaved either. I also don't shave the kitty. Just keep it tightly trimmed.

    Seeker~He's good for at least that, huh?

    Barman~You really thought it went down hill? I thought it got funny. I'm weird like that.

    Bill the Apostle said...

    God loves your hair..I asked him

    Anonymous said...

    Okay, I read it all and have to say you are funny and entertaining. Keep it up, and the hair short, without the husband being caught off gaurd.

    Laurie said...

    Umm.. are you that hairy?



    SignGurl said...

    Bill~Thanks for puttin' in a good word for me. I wasn't sure you would after last night.

    Lance~Thanks, I plan on rockin' hubby's world and getting a lower mowhawk.

    Laurie~Umm, yes I'm a hairy bitch! But luckily, I'm blonde!

    da buttah said...

    reminds me of when i went to my trust hairstylist..said i wanted something new and hip

    and poof. she cut off my entire ponytail. took me 3 years to grow it out...i looked like a little boy, and i hated it. never cut my hair again..well..not to any level above my shoulders.

    thank god i found an awesome hairdresser here...who has some nifty things with my highlights (it's tough getting decent looking highlights when your natural haircolor is dark red..ya know? everything looks retarded).

    tell your hubby to eat out more, if you know what i mean ;)

    wmy said...

    High five on the big eighties hair! Woot, woot...LOL...
    As long as you don't have grey hair DOWN THERE yet, you should be okay. hahaha

    mazmocko said...

    I love to read your cute and nice blog. Make me addicted to read ..read and read.

    confusedandlost said...

    at least you can tell your stylist how you want it cut. Trying living in a country where they don't speak English.. I have to trust my barber that he doesn't screw up with my hair.

    Polyman2 said...

    You could always
    get creative
    with the bush-
    say, a landing strip,
    fu man chu
    or even better-
    a Yul Brenner.

    Calzone said...

    Hey whats up Boo??

    I got some meat for sale...anyone home?

    tami said...

    omg jenn! i'm pissing my pants! i... i have absolutely nothing to add... thank you thank you thank you for making my day!!!

    (also an ex hairstylist)