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    Saturday, March 18, 2006

    The Things We Do For Love

    Mr. Sign is half Italian (Sicilian) and half Romanian. This makes for a hairy fellow. I started cutting his hair before daughter #1 was born almost 14 years ago. We had bought a new set of hair clippers and I tried them out on him. I've done a great job except for the few times that I boxed the hair around his ears.
    At some point, the hair on his back became more than I could bare. I don't know when or how this happened because I swear that he wasn't that hairy when I married him. I got the bright idea to use the clippers to trim the wild hairy back. The clippers do a good job but leave stubble. At least it looks better.

    As you can imagine that someone who has excessive back hair must be that wooly everywhere. If you think back hair is gross, surmise what ass hair must be. One day the clippers just happened to slip below the belt. I asked him to bend over and as he did I yelled, "BINGO!" I had to stop for a minute and compose myself. I also trim up the chest area and the underarms. If I didn't, I fear it would grow long enough to braid. Someone should tell Alec Baldwin about body hair trimming. Doesn't that look like a rug on his chest? And yet he has little to no hair on his upper arms? Weird.

    You may be asking why I don't wax Mr. Sign's back. I'm glad you asked. We tried to wax it once. I heated up the wax to the perfect temperature and slathered it onto that area just above his ass. You know, the hairy patch. It was kinda sticky but it's supposed to be, right? I got out the strip and smoothed it over the waxed area, held down the surrounding skin and pulled it off quickly. Mr. Sign screamed like a little girl falling on the bar on a boy's bicycle. I called him a sissy before I looked at the strip. I was checking out the newfound smoothness and noticed that most of the hair was still there only there was blood pooling at the shaft of each little hair. Upon examining the strip I see that there is more skin than hair on it. YEEEOUCH!!!!! The stupid part is that he wanted me to continue. He's that desperate to be hairless. I threw the rest of the wax away.

    I feel really bad because people are really rude about excessive hair. It's not like he can help it. At least he is trying not to disgust you. Something people don't take into account is that having all that hair on your body makes you feel hot and sticky all the time. You can't escape the heat since the folicles seem to hold in the heat.

    I get really sick of cutting everyone's hair in my house. Mr. Sign threatens to get it cut in a salon. I told him, "Go ahead. When you're there pull your pants down, bend over and ask them if they can help you with that."

    So, ladies and gentleman, I'm doing you a service by keeping my man well groomed. I ask everyone to do the same.

    17 comments:

    one said...

    Mrs. grooms me too... but ot my ass... it isn't an issue (at least not yet). She does do my back though.

    We loved your blog by the way and added a link to it on our HNT list on our blog.

    Top cat said...

    I've had the same problem Jenn with excessive hair on my back and chest.
    It wasn't until I started doing an HNT pic that I realized how gross it was, so yep I got out the beard trimmer and did my chest..wifey loved it and so I asked her to do my back...my GAWD I was hairy!

    Just about time to do a trim again..maybe if the wife is busy you could help me out..LOL just go East on 96..

    tc

    Suze said...

    Jenn, I love Alex Baldwin but would probably end up with hair stuck between my teeth. LOL.

    I once used Veet on Alex's pubic area. Never again, it burnt him. So I did what they suggested on the pack and swabbed him with vinegar and water. This made the situation worse, it apparently felt like I had covered him in battery acid.

    We laugh about it now but he didn't then (I did don't tell him. LOL). So now we use the razor instead. :D

    barman said...

    Poor Mr Sign and you for all your trimming duties. Fortunetly I have more than two hairs like one friend but much less than a forest so I think I am safe.

    The Taker of Gist said...

    What in the Gist...?!

    Nooooooooooo!

    DZER said...

    ummm ... LMAO

    GREAT post, darlin' ... fucking great!

    that poor waxed signman ... ugh

    hoooooooo!!

    *deep breath*

    thanks for the laugh *smooch*

    Sweet Lady Jane said...

    My ex. couldn't grow hair except out of his nose, and what little hair he had under his nose covered the fact he had no upper lip. Need to stay away from men without upper lips.

    Madame X said...

    EXCESSIVE HAIR is gross...

    but the bare chest ting also grosses me out!

    Alec Baldwin is Black Irish and we are hairy fuckers and I'm 1/4 Italian so I spend a lot of time on hair removal...just sharing!

    crabcake said...

    "So, ladies and gentleman, I'm doing you a service by keeping my man well groomed. I ask everyone to do the same."


    You know I'd do anything for you but I am NOT shaving Mr. Sign's ass.

    btw. You haven't seen me. I'm working. Just like I promised Bob. No more blogging until the work is done.

    That's where I am.

    SignGurl said...

    Horny Couple~Let's hope your ass never needs it because it's not a pretty sight.

    TC~Come on over and I'll groom the kitty!

    Suze~I also used a hair remover that I bought from the TV. I sprayed it on his back and proceeded to wipe it off. He said that it was painful. Later we found out why. He had chemical burns all over his back. I can just picture you and Alex grooming each other. Hot!

    Barman~I'm happy for you that you don't have to suffer from being mistaken as Big Foot.

    Gist~The gist is that you need to stay hairless but seeing as how you are a paper bag, I guess you are.

    DZER~You are a lucky hairless man! You have no idea how lucky until you have used Nair on your ass.

    Jane~Isn't nose hair the worst?

    X~Thanks for sharing.

    CrabCake~Get your ass back into the dungeon before Bob catches you! Oh, when you're done come up this way. I've got a chore for you, heh!

    Mike said...

    I wish I had someone to trim me up!

    The Taker of Gist said...

    News flash! My blog has changed addresses. The new one is here. I thought I should tell everyone, even though I left a switchover post on The Gist Of It.

    The new address contains 40% less hair.

    Big Pissy said...

    That's amazing! What a public service you're performing!*LOL*

    American Navel said...

    Poor mr sign. I know a wee bit about body hair and the general discomfort it can cause people when they are trying to look at my navel.

    cadbury_vw said...

    as a hairy guy i appreciate your desire to keep your mate well groomed

    Chrissie said...

    Omg... LMAO! You are too funny... but it sweet of ya to shave him down! The only things I’ve shaved for a guy are his balls (Thank God)

    On my end though... sometimes I miss chemo *L* It cut my time in the bath considerably since i shave everywhere!

    honkeie2 said...

    I dont have the back hair yet but I trim my chest hair in the summer and I shave my arm pits. I have the whole Austin Powers chest hair and I hate it. Body hair is nasty lol