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    Wednesday, September 06, 2006

    My Perfect Mate

    I started making a list in my head last night. I checked off characteristics that I find helpful in a relationship with me. Without further adieu, my perfect man;

    • must be able to lift heavy objects (mainly me).
    • will take care of my car. I can check the oil, tires and pump gas, but beyond that I need him to get it fixed. I hate when mechanics look at you like a dumb broad because you're trying to make the noise your car makes. Then, they charge you three times the price it should cost to fix it because they know you won't know the difference.
    • must want sex when I do, not on his schedule. I'm not a morning sex person unless I've brushed my teeth and showered. How can anyone expect me to try and be sexual when it tastes like someone shit on my tongue and I have bed head?
    • loves me even when I'm a bitch. He knows I will eventually become that sweet woman who will do almost anything for him.
    • knows my children always come first. No exceptions.
    • likes nature as much as I do.
    • tells me that I'm beautiful even when I am bloated and feel uglier than a troll.
    • will grocery shop for me. I hate it! I think it's hereditary since my mother rarely shops for food.
    • understands that I must be left alone when I am ill. There is nothing you can do for me except let me be.
    • knows I have to shower at least once a day, sometimes twice. I can't stand to sit in my own funk.
    • knows that I hate public displays of affection unless I'm drunk.
    This is the short list. I'm working on the long one.


    The Savage said...

    hmmmmmmm where's the booze? (wink)

    Sally Rand said...

    Thanks for commenting in my blog. I have to be honest, I haven't read a bit of yours ~ but I will someday. Hopefully in this lifetime!


    SignGurl said...

    Savage~ I thought you brought it!

    Beasley~ Thanks for visiting even if you didn't have time to read.

    buddha_girl said...

    Nothing wrong with some introspection. Nothing at all! Love it!

    Kristen said...


    I love this list........might have to use this in the future........

    you rock

    barman said...

    Well I may not be perfect but to me it looks like you have a mighty fine list started here.

    SignGurl said...

    Blogger just ate my comment! Blah!

    Buddha Girl~ Glad you liked it.

    Kristen~ Us girls need to put it out there so the guys know what they are supposed to be doing.

    Barman~ Who is perfect? I can only come up with this crap when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

    Madame X said...

    The perfect man doesn't fart in bed, push your head under the covers and laugh.

    The perfect man lets you pick at the black head on his back.

    The perfect man not only will buy you tampons but will know enough to ask which absorbency.

    The perfect man will always give you his chocolate even though you've eaten all of yours.

    The perfect man always buys two sodas at the movies cuz he knows you hate greasy spit covered straws.

    I got more...

    Manny said...

    I want one! Please!

    All the one's I've run into lately are just too damn controlling. I have a mind you know?

    I even had one tell me I was unapproachable. I told him it was because he was a dumbass.

    He said, "you think because you got everything on your own" I said " No, it's because I think"

    I just want to be loved, I don't need to be rescued.

    Fridaysweb said...

    The perfect man also gives you a credit card with no limit. And lets you use it. With no limit. Forget booze - I want shoes, dammit!

    DZER said...

    what about the bug-killing ability? lol

    SignGurl said...

    Madame X~ I'll add those to my list.

    Manny~ When I find another one, I'll send him your way.

    Friday~ How could I forget about shoes?

    DZER~ Bugs don't bother me, but if you're volunteering, I have something else for you to do.

    SignGurl said...

    OMG! I forgot the most important one. Putting the seat back down. How could I forget that?

    Tumbleweed said...

    First of all, Sorry I have not been around. I am tired of blogger too! I do love the new look.

    I think we must have been seperated at birth cuz my list is almost duplicate of yours with "good sized penis" added to it! lol


    Suze said...

    You can add, go to the supermarket to buy you tampons when you forget to buy them in.

    I'm so forgetful Alex is always having to do this for me. :)

    Nonny said...

    You've just decribed my husband to a T. You can't have him, he's mine!

    crabcake said...

    I never thought of a man list.

    Sayyyyyy, that's a crackerjack idea, Sign.