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    Thursday, September 07, 2006

    Why I'm NOT the Perfect Female

    I was thinking about myself and the fact that I don't resemble the ideal female. Below is the list. I'm sure it will continue to grow.

    • Shopping is an abomination. I mean, I don't want to buy anything. You could try to pay me to shop and I still wouldn't do it.
    • I'm the one in a relationship that worries about money. "No, Mr. Sign, we can't afford that beautiful diamond ring for me."
    • I do all the financial planning including paying the bills. I left it up to him for a period of 3 months in which time he made an $800 error not in our favor.
    • Belching could be a second job for me especially at unexpected times. I may erupt at your formal company dinner party.
    • Cuddling is best left up to kids and their teddy bears. Ok, maybe for that 30 seconds post coitus when I'm in LaLa land it's acceptable.
    • Bugs don't cause me to shriek or even get excited.
    • Bathroom humor makes me laugh for days. After watching Dumb & Dumber, I was still laughing 3 days later. (The toilet scene with Jeff Daniels killed me.)
    • Romance is not a priority for me.
    • Getting dirty is acceptable and even enjoyable for me. The dirtier the better, as long as it's not inside my house.
    • Fru fru drinks don't do it for me. I don't need no stinkin' umbrella. Give me a vodka tonic or a tequila shot straight up, no lime, no salt.
    • Home improvements are my thing. I can hang and finish drywall as well as cut, bevel and finish cabinet doors. I am limited when it comes to electricity and plumbing makes me slightly ambivalent.
    • Shaving is done once a week whether I need it or not. I won't spend hours every week trying to stay stubble free. I'm too old to fight follicles.
    • I can get ready in less than half an hour including washing, drying, curling my hair and applying makeup.
    This list makes me sound like I'm not feminine. I do like to look nice and sometimes wear makeup. My hair has to be perfect because if it's not I will pout all day long and will not be able to look people in the eye because I know they are thinking about my awful hair. I love being a woman but admit that sometimes I have some of the aforementioned masculine traits.


    Kristen said...

    I applaud this list.........

    I so don't do bugs......ick

    LOL @ too old to be fighting hair follicles

    Kristen said...

    WOO HOO........I'm first!!!!

    The Savage said...

    Awesome list!!!

    SignGurl said...

    Kristen~ The hair follicle thing is such a bother any more.

    K2~ Boo ya!

    Savage~ Thanks ;)

    barman said...

    That explains it. You are just one of the guys ... and yet not. Great list.

    sassinak said...

    i'm not that far off that list... i shave a little more often as an excuse to hang about in the hot steamy shower... sometimes i shave when there's practically nothing there just to let the hot water hit my back some more.

    i know, ridiculous. i should get a pedicure kit instead *grin*

    otherwise though? yeah i like getting dirty and i like staying dirty... but then the eventual shower is from heaven.

    and cuddling? *whispers* fucking word.


    Chrissie said...

    No wonder I like ya! You're me! lol

    Except for grasshoppers. I really dont like those. So Ugly.
    And MEAN!

    On the other hand... you must have em there... fireflys! Oooo coool absolutely THE best bugs! Write your initals with their butsts!

    Come to cali! Tequila is on me!

    Chrissie said...

    btw.. i keep forgetting to say! I really like the new look! bootiful!

    Sheets said...

    So, I have some drywall issues (still) in the mudroom....your rate?


    MilkMaid said...

    LOL...yes yes and more yes!

    Since MilkMan is out of commission on the bike riding front, I called one of our buddies to see if he was riding last weekend. He answered with a hangover but said..'yeah yeah, I'll go, I mean you are one of the brothers'.

    ahahahahaha, whatever, I can ride with you or I CAN ride by myself.

    American Navel said...

    i actually like cuddling, but I'm an odd boy.

    and there is someone home, but unfortunately, he doesn't have any inspiration right now. It has been a while since someone submitted something. I guess it's time for me to post another pic of my own navel.

    Babygirl said...

    But I've seen photos and your are girly girl looking. What's up with that?

    tina said...

    I was going to say the same thing! You always look so feminine - your pink lips and perfectly styled hair!

    I'm with you on some of your list. I love home improvements, getting dirty, and I don't like shopping either. I am probably more cautius with finances than the hubby is. However, I love cuddling and I cannot stand the feel of hairy legs - I mean my own hairy legs, not someone else's LOL!!

    As for alcohol - I really don't like the taste - so if I do drink something - it's a sweety fluff of a drink. And I'm not a belcher.

    I love romance and I completely get you on the hair. A bad hair day can just make the whole day go wrong!

    jillie said...

    Love the belching part...too funny! And I hear you on the fuu fuu drinks...although I do enjoy a nice glass of wine if it's not a vodka and tonic or a beer :o)

    Big Pissy said...

    You really do look like a girly-girl!

    So you must be hiding all this stuff on your list pretty well! ;-)