Why I'm NOT the Perfect Female

I was thinking about myself and the fact that I don't resemble the ideal female. Below is the list. I'm sure it will continue to grow.

• Shopping is an abomination. I mean, I don't want to buy anything. You could try to pay me to shop and I still wouldn't do it.

• I'm the one in a relationship that worries about money. "No, Mr. Sign, we can't afford that beautiful diamond ring for me."
  

• I do all the financial planning including paying the bills. I left it up to him for a period of 3 months in which time he made an $800 error not in our favor.

• Belching could be a second job for me especially at unexpected times. I may erupt at your formal company dinner party.

• Cuddling is best left up to kids and their teddy bears. Ok, maybe for that 30 seconds post coitus when I'm in LaLa land it's acceptable.

• Bugs don't cause me to shriek or even get excited.

• Bathroom humor makes me laugh for days. After watching Dumb & Dumber, I was still laughing 3 days later. (The toilet scene with Jeff Daniels killed me.)

• Romance is not a priority for me.
  

• Getting dirty is acceptable and even enjoyable for me. The dirtier the better, as long as it's not inside my house.

• Fru fru drinks don't do it for me. I don't need no stinkin' umbrella. Give me a vodka tonic or a tequila shot straight up, no lime, no salt.

• Home improvements are my thing. I can hang and finish drywall as well as cut, bevel and finish cabinet doors. I am limited when it comes to electricity and plumbing makes me slightly ambivalent.

• Shaving is done once a week whether I need it or not. I won't spend hours every week trying to stay stubble free. I'm too old to fight follicles.
  

• I can get ready in less than half an hour including washing, drying, curling my hair and applying makeup.
  

This list makes me sound like I'm not feminine. I do like to look nice and sometimes wear makeup. My hair has to be perfect because if it's not I will pout all day long and will not be able to look people in the eye because I know they are thinking about my awful hair. I love being a woman but admit that sometimes I have some of the aforementioned masculine traits.