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    Saturday, April 21, 2007

    We All Do It Sometime

    Recovery has been affecting my brain. I've been bored out of my mind so when my mother called yesterday and invited me to go to the casino, I jumped out of my chair and got ready.

    We had a great time playing Black Jack and had a wonderful lunch.

    During lunch my mom asked me what I was doing that evening. My mind raced thinking of lies to tell her. You see, I was supposed to attend an adult toy party. The only other one I had been to was years ago and my mother and grandmother were in attendance. I spent the entire night explaining what each item was to my grandma, a most horrifying act.

    My mother is always the center of attention and loves to embarrass me. She also loves sex and any talk about sex so I knew she would want to go if I told her where I was going. She squealed with delight as I told her my evening plans. I knew there was no way to stop her from coming (no pun intended).

    I need to explain that I have always been considered a prude by my family. I'm really not, I just enjoy making them think that I don't have sex. It's better that way.

    The demonstrator started the show and asked people to raise their hand if they had tried certain products. Of course, my mom held her hand high several times. I couldn't look and must have been 5 shades of red. I really don't need to know about my mother's sex toy preferences. Blech!

    The products where passed around as lotions were tasted and rubbed in. I was a gooey mess by the end of the night. I put phermones on that are supposed to smell different on everyone. One lady smelled like peaches, another like cherries. It smelled musty on me. My mom suggested that maybe swamp men would be attracted to me. Thanks, Mom.

    The real fun didn't begin until after the presentation. The demonstrator brought out a huge box filled with vibrators. She began putting batteries in them and the entire room was abuzz. My mother suggested that the older you get, the more power you need. Again, uggg. Some had enough power to chip your teeth.

    My mom was the first to order and was taken to another room so as to remain anonymous. Once she had her purchase, she bolted out the door and hardly said goodbye. I felt imidiate relief.

    My turn came to order. For all you pervs out there, I got something for him, something for her, something for us. One of the products I chose was out of stock. The demonstrator said, "I think you mom got the last one. Oops, I didn't just tell you that!"

    Now I'm stuck with the knowledge that my mother and I have the same taste in toys. Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!

    26 comments:

    barman said...

    OK that is just so wrong in so many ways. But at least you where not bored for a little while. Glad you had a good time.

    jillie said...

    LOL...oh that's funny! I could JUST imagine taking Cleo (the motherload) to one of those parties. Ummmm...I'm thinking not so much...

    Now my grandma? She would be a BLAST!

    Have a great wknd xo

    Chrissie said...

    LMAO! NICE!

    I still have clear memories of finding my M&D's collection stuffed in the back of her closet when i was being a sneaky lil snoop of about 12... *L* I dont think the image will ever leave my mind!

    cadbury_vw said...

    that's hysterial

    that is an extremely funny piece of writing

    you are hoot

    and so is the story

    Susan said...

    You know, there are somethings we are just better off not knowing about our parents, ya think? I had to laugh, because I've always been considered a bit reserved on this topic by my family, esp. my "let it all hang out" mother. What can I say? They were adults in Berkeley in the 60's.

    Now I could go to a breast cancer thing with my mom, a DAR meeting, or a bra fitting. But I would so not want to know what my mom's prefs were in sex toys. Esp. since I'm guessing that some of the tendencies are inherited. TMI.

    *S*

    lime said...

    LOL, I would so love to go to one of those parties. not with my mom though.
    i do recall a visit from my grandmother though, she and a carload of her widowed friends all came to my house many years ago. they sat around talkign about the ways they 'ease the tension'. i gotta say it was a real eye opener!

    alex said...

    .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ...

    MilkMaid said...

    Looks like Alex got a clue with all the wordy shit posts LMAO....

    Jenn...you ARE going to share pictures, right?

    gab said...

    I know nothing about sex toys...god my life is a bore!

    G-Man said...

    Signgurl!!
    This is my favorite post ever!!!
    ...Have your Mom call me!
    xoxox

    wmy said...

    HA!! Your mom and my mom sound like twins!! They would have so much fun together, trying to outdo each other and see who could embarrass us more!! btw...I went to a toy party with my mom too...she bought me my first vibrator...the little silver bullet! I love my mom...and my little silver bullet!

    Manny said...

    Next time invite me. I haven't been to one in years.

    SignGurl said...

    Barman~ It was right in so many ways later, haha!

    Jillie~ Well, next time you can come and bring grandma. We'll have a blast.

    Chrissie!!~ I have that same imagine in my mind. My mom wasn't very good at hiding anything. I've missed seeing you around.

    Cad~ As hysterical as it is, it's funnier in real life.

    *S*~ I haven't figured out my mother's lack of inhibitions. Maybe it was growing up in the 60's. Maybe it is her ability to be an attention whore in any situation. I'm afraid I may be becoming a clone of her, albeit, a more reserved one.

    Lime~ I would have loved to be in on your grandmother's conversation. We can learn a lot from those ladies if we are willing to listen.

    Alex~ I'm begging you to please go away!!!!! You are like that herpes sore on a whores lip. No one wants to see you.

    Milkmaid~ Email me and I'll hook you up with the web site. I'm sure there's something everyone could use there ;)

    Gab~ It's not to late to learn. Variety is the spice of life.

    G-Man~ Are you hitting on my mom in my comments? I'll give her your number.

    WMY~ I know nothing about the silver bullet *cough, cough*. We have so got to get together. Not in that way you pervs! She likes the boy parts too much.

    Manny~ You are first on my list. *smootch*

    SignGurl said...

    Grrrrr.....please ignore my typos and misspellings above.

    Suze said...

    Jenn, I like your mum!

    You must let us all know what you bought. No secrets here. Lol

    Big Pissy said...

    Oh, Jenn! I could just see your face! ;-)

    How funny! *LOL*

    Big Sassy Girl said...

    Omg, you crack my shit up. That is hilarious. I like the sex toy parties, so fun, but not with your mom.

    Cazzie!!! said...

    Oh bugger, my mum sounds so much like yours, she certainly embarrased me no end at many a party like that.
    The first one she took me to I was only 12yrs old. It was at my Aunt's. First thing she told everyone was that I was now a lady, I had begun my "monthlies". If I was a turtle I'd get inside my shell sooo fast!!!

    Strumpet said...

    First off...

    I guess you got yourself some entertainment!

    And...

    I just watched that cute little video of yours and I'm thinkin' with THAT new toy and THESE new toys...you could entertain US with a new VIDEO that might insight ME to break-out a toy of my own!

    You know, just if the whim takes you when you're sittin' 'round the old homestead and all. I hear it's always good to explore your inner self just after gall bladder surgery. Helps speed the healing process, they say.

    I'm really glad to hear everything is going so smoothly for you, Ms. Sign...cos you rock.

    My suggestion? Take a double-dose of happy pills (screw that...a triple-dose, dude,) and THEN play with your new toys. Mom who??

    God, I LOVE sextoy parties. There's a sextoy shop here that has the most shizznit of classes. It's called Early To Bed. Unfortunately it's WAY on the Northside, but it's well worth the trip.

    xoxo, Your Signaliciousness

    The Savage said...

    You are very strange sometimes.... no wonder I keep coming back.... (wink)

    Top cat said...

    I can't imagine doing something with one of my parents.LOL
    That's funny and at least you guys are open with one another.
    tc

    No One In Particular said...

    Crazy crazy! I'd never want to attend one of those with my mom! Ew!

    kimmyk said...

    OMG.OMG.OMG.

    OH.MY.GAWD.

    I don't even wanna ever experience such a night. No thank you.

    Good LORD no.

    Kristen said...

    LOL!!!!

    I wish my mom was more open about stuff like this

    Susan said...

    My mom's openness was probably really shocking for her generation, at least as they were growing up. But I give her lots of credit - I always did feel like I could talk about anything with her. It's just my inner "Emily Post meets Great-Grandma Grace" that keeps me from being more like her.

    Unlike your mater, mine is more of a behind the scenes person. And I know I'm getting more like her.

    *S*

    wmy said...

    Hey chickie!! Whats shakin??
    I miss ya! Hope all is well.