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    Tuesday, June 12, 2007


    G-Man posted about the least romantic honeymoons ever. He inspired me to write about ours.

    Mr. Sign and I were married in December of 1989. We honeymooned in Aruba. It was the most romantic place I've been with the exception of Paris.

    Our problems began because I had to wear a long line bra with my wedding gown (see picture on the left). You know, the ones with whale bones to hold everything in?

    Anywho, the bra was ill fitted and bruised my rib bones. I could barely breathe by the end of the wedding night and had to be extracted carefully from my wedding garb by Mr. Sign. He didn't get lucky that night because I could hardly move.

    After a couple of days in Aruba of being smacked around by big beautiful waves which made my rib cage even more sore, Mr. Sign had all but given up on consummating the marriage.

    He had to pull me up out of bed every morning and endure my screams of pain. I'm sure the neighbors heard them as sighs of passion. Weird how pain and pleasure can sound so similar.

    By the third night, we were able to consummate our marriage on the beach although I was still in great pain (who says I'm not a giver?).

    Unfortunately, by the fourth day, Mr. Sign had contracted food poisoning and spent the entire day in the bathroom.

    Mr. Sign and I went snorkeling. Since I was a skilled snorkeler, I was taken out a couple of miles off shore with a small group (Mr. Sign is NOT a skilled snorkeler. He wore a life jacket while snorkeling if that tells you anything). We were instructed to fall back off of a small dingy into the water over a shipwreck. I was the first to go over and upon entering the water felt immediately like my body was on fire. I had dived into fire coral. I was able to continue the dive in great pain. When we got back to the main boat, one of the crew members took me below the deck and rubbed me down with vodka. It kills the sting and I have to admit that having a native man's hands all over me was pretty hot. I forgot about the pain after my 3rd drink.

    The trip home was almost as crazy when the flight was over booked and I was asked to stay back without Mr. Sign. I had to throw a tantrum (I wasn't even 21 years old yet, give me a break!) in order to get my way and another passenger kindly stepped off the plane.

    We ended up having a great time and I wouldn't change a thing.


    G-Man said...

    Yeah Baby, I'm sure it was well worth it!!
    And you screaming to get your way???
    Imagine that!!!!!
    Another great sex post Jenn!!!
    I rate this..PG-13

    xoxox.....I'm buyin!!!

    Big Pissy said...

    Wow! That was really bad!

    But funny! :)

    lime said...

    oh my stars, what frustration! you tell it so humorously too...the native man almost got more action than mr sign eh? hehehehe

    i have one story from my wedding night but if i put it out on the internet you'd be reading my eulogy.....lol

    lalepro said...

    Oy vey, what you went through to have a happy honeymoon. But the proof of the pudding is in the eating (boy, is that an ill-chosen metaphor, or what?) and you've stuck it out since 1989. Kudos to both of you. And I love your new avatar!


    barman said...

    Well I think it is time for a second honeymoon if you have not done so already. This time less dramatics please. Although the Vodka rub down, you might be able to leave that one in for old times sake.

    jillie said...

    OMG...the visuals are killing me! If it wasn't one thing it was another. I'm thinking it was a test to see if you two could take what was given to you. AND YOU PASSED!

    Oh man.....I'm realin in pain from laughing...sorry!

    snicker snicker

    jillie said...

    Did they put a wedge of lime in your mouth with the vodka rub down?

    Paul Champagne said...

    fire coral ... ouch. First Aid for that is rubbing alcohol ... vodka works better on the inside than the outside.

    snowelf said...


    I can't even imagine! You and Mr. Sign deserve a do-over!