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    Thursday, October 15, 2009

    Moving On

    I've been officially divorced for just over a week. Things are starting to feel better as far as being on my own goes. The panic has begun to subside ever so slightly. I can't believe there could be any more tears left in this body. Do they ever stop? I absolutely hate my emotions, or at least hate showing them to others.

    I'm putting together a plan that will hopefully allow me to keep my house and get Mr. Sign's name off of the mortgage. I never dreamed that I would be so set financially one minute and so destitute the next. How does that happen? Michigan's economy sucks!

    A friend made a point about how I view myself. Honestly, I still see only flaws when I look in the mirror. I see the remnants of disregarding myself emotionally and physically. A life spent not giving a crap about what I was doing to myself by ignoring my own basic needs. So, every day, I make a point to try and see something good about myself. It's a struggle.

    My weight has stabilized at close to my lowest weight. I still make sure that I get all the protein in that I need to. I eat pretty much what I want but still in very small quantities. Gaining weight still petrifies me.

    My dating life is making me insane. This could be because the fat girl in my head just won't die. She yells at me that I'm just not good enough for anyone. She taunts me and tells me that people are snickering behind my back. She doesn't allow me much happiness.

    My life feels like it's on hold right now. It seems like I'm waiting for something but I have no idea what it is. I hope it's a good surprise because I'm at the point that I'm not sure I can handle many more bumps. Now, where's my helmet?

    9 comments:

    g-man said...

    NO!!!!
    Then you'd have Helmet Hair!!!

    g-man said...

    BINGO!!!!
    Uno!!
    Euchre!!!

    (Life is Good)

    Joker_SATX said...

    Divorce sucks! Everyone's economy sucks!

    I applaud your courage and fortitude for enabling your dreams of freedom...especially at this time in life!

    Susy said...

    Oh Jenn~ you have been kicked and hurt and it's ok to take the time you need to heal. time will fade the pain. cry, learn and love. I'm sorry your hurting and i think that just means you love someone with your whole heart. thats a good thing! take care of you jenn because your one of the special ones!

    I moved on with my blog and wanted you to know. I don't want to lose my blogging buddy.

    http://susyslittlelife.blogspot.com

    TAKE CARE OF YOU!

    SoCal Sal said...

    Just popped in to say hey ... WOW! I wish you all the best sweetie!

    I'm doing well.

    XOXO

    Sicilian said...

    You should write one nice thing on a piece of paper before you go to bed. Put it on the bathroom mirror. . . . . when you wake up and head to the bathroom. . . .make your self say it over and over as you prepare for your day. . . . repeat each day.
    You can make it through this. . . . keep blogging. . . . keep smiling.
    Ciao

    ell said...

    hang in there jenn, you'll get through this, and be better for it.

    hugs.

    Mona said...

    Things will change slowly but surely. For the better too! :)

    gab said...

    Well, Jenn its been a long and difficult road but you've made it this far with little problems that at times seemed hugh and you made it through ok so I say Hold your head high and say YES I CAN. I AM WORTH IT. I CAN DO IT.and live one day at a time. Hugs those girls then give yourself a hug from me.