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    Wednesday, January 13, 2010

    My Quarterly Post

    January leaves me thankful that the holidays are over. I spent my first holidays completely alone. Christmas Eve the girls were with me during the day but left for the night to go to their dad's. As I sat staring at empty stockings lining the roaring fireplace, I lost it. I cried because my girls had never slept anywhere but here for Christmas Eve. I realized that no children would come bounding down the stairs at 4 am for the first time in 17 years. I wouldn't have to worry about negotiating with them to go back to sleep until at least 6 am.

    So, I pulled myself together and decided to quit feeling sorry for myself and went to bed. I woke up with a brighter outlook and felt better for having made it through the night alone on Christmas for the first time in my life. Christmas day was filled with family and the girls were once again with me for a while.



    My brother in law, sister, me, and #2.

    My birthday was the week before Christmas and I had a great day. I got to see many friends who proved their love to me. I had an excellent dinner with family and friends. After dinner, the girls bought the cutest little cake. It was delicious!


    Midnight on New Years Eve found me alone as well. Some plans fell through at the last minute. So, I decided why not spend yet another holiday alone. Several of my friends called me just after midnight which was awesome. Thank God I have friends or I'm not sure how I would made it.

    My girls keep me going. They are everything to me. I'm really sad that #1 will be going off to college this fall. She was accepted at Michigan Tech but is holding out for University of Michigan. U of M hasn't denied her, but hasn't accepted her either. Oddly enough, she was happy to get this news. We should find out this spring whether she will be accepted.



    Financially I'm still in a terrible position. Mr. Sign lost his job in July and I lost half my income when child support stopped. Honestly, I have no idea how I've made it this far. I am thankful daily for all that I have, but most thankful for my girls!



    #2, me and #1 at a birthday party

    9 comments:

    snowelf said...

    I'm so sorry to hear the holidays were rough for you. I do truly believe that there is nothing more inspiring or motivating than our own children though. Life has been kicking my ass royally as well, and mine are what have been keeping me going too.

    I'm wishing your daughter well with U of M! :)

    Hugs to you,

    --snow

    Big Pissy said...

    I'm sorry the holidays were tough for you. :(

    I was alone on New Years Eve myself. I didn't even have plans that fell through. of course, I'm old so it's not as important. ;-)

    {{{hugs}}}

    Joker_SATX said...

    I remember my first weekend without my kids right after my divorce. I did not know what to do with myself.

    Lets just say that someone was looking out for me.....

    Susy said...

    i totally understand where your coming from. Sucks to feel alone. You are more amazing than you realize Jenn. I'm proud of stepping up and not sinking down. This is your year! Amazing kids and you have done a great job. Cyber hugs sent cause you are my friend and I think a lot of you. Amazing woman you are. Keep looking to a brighter future and one day @ a time. You love with your WHOLE heart Jenn and thats a quality of yours. You didn't choose this path but good for you for learning and going through the pain rather than pushing it aside for later. No regrets Jenn. Be happy, and take care of you.

    Sheri said...

    You know I love you and am right there with you. Your strength knows no bounds. Peace to you my sistah.

    Sarah said...

    I love seeing pictures of you.. Mostly cause you are smokin hot

    lime said...

    i'm sorry you spent the holidays alone but glad you found out you can survive and well. the economics can be scary but again, you've proved your strength. one day at a time, girl. big hugs.

    Blasé said...

    Life is always changing, it never stays the same. Peace and Love

    Stealth said...

    Sorry I am late reading this...

    I always count my kids when things are rough too....

    I hope you are doing okay now...

    -Melanie