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    Monday, December 26, 2005

    Family Fun

    Christmas this year was fast. Christmas eve was fun. We had 13 for dinner and the food was delicious.

    My grandparents kept everyone entertained with their Subway story. They had never eaten there and didn't know what to expect when they stopped in for lunch the other day. The employee asked my grandma whether she wanted 6" or 12". Of course my grandma's dirty mind went to sex. She told the lady that she could probably only handle 6". So the lady fixed her sandwich to Gram's specifications and then asked her if she wanted to split it. Grams said that she could never split 6" because 3" was never enough besides she was hungry. So Gramps orders the exact same sandwich to which the lady behind the counter said, "I could have split the 12" in half and saved some time." Grams said something to the effect of he doesn't have 12". It's so strange to hear your 80 year old grandfather and your 75 year old grandmother referring to sex. Gotta love them! I'm sure that the way my Grams told this was much funnier.

    Christmas day was spent at Gram and Gramp's. They cooked a meal for 30 of us. As soon as we got there, I could smell smoke. Mr. Sign went up to check on the 20 pound turkey and as soon as he opened the oven, 4" flames shot out of the oven. Gramps had decided to cover the heating element with aluminum foil because the juice was spattering on it. Thank God we got there or they might have burned down the house.

    Soon after the turkey incident, I heard a loud banging. My aunt was locked in the bathroom and couldn't open the door because the handle fell off in her hand. I was relieved that it wasn't one of my kids since they usually are the ones having bathroom troubles. My aunt was in there for over half an hour and there were at least 7 men trying to get her out. My cousin slid cookies under the door so she wouldn't get hungry. Another cousin climbed a ladder up onto the balcony and tried to get her out the window but it was painted shut. He couldn't use the door to the balcony because the doors were all sealed shut. Finally, Mr. Sign told her to pull the door pins and he was able to push the door down saving the day. I was just glad it wasn't me locked in there because I'm afraid to miss a meal.

    I spent today in Detroit with my grandma, mom and sister at the casino. I only lost $3 and
    consider that a win since I usually lose much more.

    I still didn't play at the poker tables. I'm intimidated by all the mean old men who g
    lare at you. I thought about playing since I had my low cut blouse on with all the bling and thought that would be a distraction but I lost my courage when I found that the tables had $1000 buy ins. Just a little out of my range.

    I'm looking forward to a slightly slower pace of life. The holidays can wear you out!


    DZER said...

    that's some adventure there, darlin' ... LOL

    and next time, buy-in to the table! I'm sure you'll win big ... especially with the cleavage bling going on!!

    Lara said...

    Yes they can wear you out... but sounds like you found your way through them & still had fun.

    Your grandparents sound wonderful! :)

    Glad you had a great time!

    wmy said...

    Glad you had a nice Christmas, that was too cute about the cookies under the door...btw, your font got really small in the second half of your post...are you trying to make fun of me for needing glasses or what?LOL

    davinia said...

    My friend angie is preggers and problems too as shese aids as well-scumbag or enother two guys coud bethe father, its seerius

    Suze said...

    Well Jenn, you certainly had a fun packed holiday.

    I love your gran, I'd like to adopt her. LOL.

    kellywalters said...

    heheheheh I love it.. I wish my grandfather was that funy.. heheh

    gigi said...

    I will never be able to order a 6" salami again with out thinking of your Granny!

    ~Deb said...

    Hmmm, maybe if I did meet a "hero" who was 12 inches long, ....I'd probably wouldn't be a lesbian. So few of those 12 inchers out there... ;) Know what I mean?

    Oswald Croll said...

    Your Gram, sex talk, 12 inches, ... I am glad I wasn't there to see her eat the sub. That would be good for at least 2 years of electro-shock therapy.

    On the other hand, at least she wouldn't make THAT FACE my relatives do whenever I say anything inappropriate....so 99% of the time really.

    Too funy. I want to hang out with your garndmother.

    Calzone said...

    Can you hook me up with your grandma's digits?

    ell said...

    jenn, great story, you had me in stitches. sex-talking grannies, flaming turkeys, and aunties locked in bathrooms. a real norman rockwell Christmas if ever i heard one!

    Big Pissy said...

    Jenn: What ell said!!! LOL :) I especially love how y'all slid cookies under the door to tide her over for the turkey! heh heh!!

    SignGurl said...

    DZER~I'm not sure I will ever get up the courage to do it. Funny thing is I have done local tournaments and won.

    Lara~I'm lucky to have the grandparents and they have all their senses to boot!

    Wendy~You do need glasses! Ha! I tried to fix it several times but blogger is being all BLEAH!

    Davinia~I think I saw your friend on Springer.

    Roxy~You have no idea how funny my gramps is.

    Suze~My grams would adopt YOU

    Gigi~I know!

    Deb~let me know if you meet him, k?

    Os~I hadn't thought about that mental picture. Thanks a lot (said sarcastically)

    Calzone~My grams would rip you a new dragon hole!

    Ell~Come on over and join the family fun!

    Big Pissy~Our family has a fear of going hungry. Heh!

    Mike said...

    lol...sounds like you had an eventful christmas.

    ~Deb said...

    Believe me, all I see are women with boobies that hang as low as the ones you see in an Italian deli. It's awful. So, 12 inches are not, I may be switching back to men. ha! Don't tell my girlfriend...at least she had the courtesy to get implants.

    Hmm. Superficial? Naw. I'll let you know when I come across a 12 inch salami.

    Ciao bella!

    barman said...

    I spend the day on the raod and I miss out on so much. Congrats on your get together. So did you get many comments on you recently finished kitchen? The cookies under the door was so much fun. The Grams and Gramps ... how absolutely precious. Make sure you appreciate them at every moment you can. I have both sets of grand parents passed on for some time now. Do you rent them out for parties? As to the 12 inch salami being mentioned ... I have a whole summer sausage that I think is at least 12 inches, does that count? That goes for GiGi and Deb as well. LOL What a fun time at the casino. All that entertainment for $3, you won if you ask me.

    Glad you had a nice holiday. I suppose I need to do a couple of blog entries now to get caught up including a little about meeting Top Cat, what super people he and Mrs Top Cat are (appearing on a blog near yours soon).

    davinia said...

    not funny we were frens for too nites an im wurried to much now- fance her dooing that to me

    Top cat said...

    Hi Jenn, what a funny story.

    You, low-cut blouse, bling, no one would've noticed you didn't have $1000.lol

    Chrissie said...

    LOL I like your Grammy!! Does she have a blog? i'd read it!

    and the poker... LOL I NEVER play... I tried to play 21 once in Reno when I got married the first time and the old guys got so irritated with my not knowing what i was doing... i'll never try again. Bastards!

    Davinia said...

    ive gotten sors all round me mouth from shanes siffy cock wattle i do now.