Mannequin Dreams

I was just commenting over at Mike's and the subject of mannequins came up. Mr. Sign's best friend has one he named Betty. He's had her for over 20 years. She has moved from state to state with him and now his wife and family. His kids consider her part of the family.Betty's clothes change for different occasions and she even has her own guitar. Somewhere along the way she lost a finger. I don't want to know what happened to it but it was during a wild party that I can't really recall much from. Betty has different wigs some of them are pink and some brunette. She has many different looks. He loans her out but only to special friends since she is such an asset to the family.

I have no idea if this friend has ever gotten freaky with Betty, but knowing him he probably has. That's just something I don't need to bother my mind with.

Mr. Sign worked as a store director of a large department store for many years giving him access to mannequins. When they got old or broken, they were thrown away.

We had a friend who had always wanted a mannequin so Mr. Sign brought one home that was on it's way to the dumpster. There wasn't anything wrong with her except that the store was changing all the mannequins to a different looking one.

For some reason I got the job of delivering her to the friend's house. I stuffed her torso into the back seat of my Honda but had to remove her arms and legs to make her fit. I had to put them into the trunk. I felt like one of the Goodfellas trying to load her into the back of the car in pieces and luckily she didn't put up too much of a fight.

When I got to the friend's house, he wasn't there. I decided to leave the mannequin there anyway because I didn't want to drive any further with this "person" in my car. You can imagine the looks I got as I drove around with an armless torso in my car. I opened the garage door and started to unload.

I assembled her right there in front of the big door. I didn't have clothes for her so I decided to leave her in a compromising position with the door up. Every time someone drove by, they could see a naked woman who looked real. Some of the neighbors were not amused since the school bus passed by fully loaded with kids. I am so bad!

The funniest part is that someone took her before the friend got home and she was returned the next day fully clothed with a note attached saying what a great time she had.

The friend is a big NASCAR fan and frequents Michigan International Speedway (MIS). He drives a big bus and takes the mannequin with him. He puts her on top of the bus once he gets settled.

He returned once to find that she was AWOL. He had no idea if he would ever see her again as he imagined what some NASCAR loving redneck might do with his precious date. Not long after, he saw a gang of bikers ride by the bus and the mannequin was on the back of one of the bikes. They had dressed her in a black leather bustier and had a collar around her neck. I can just picture some hard core biker dude riding around with his "woman" with him.

The bikers were kind enough to return her after a day of fun. The friend now keeps her chained to the bus so no one will steal her.

Ah, to live the life of a mannequin!