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    Saturday, January 07, 2006

    Mannequin Dreams

    I was just commenting over at Mike's and the subject of mannequins came up. Mr. Sign's best friend has one he named Betty. He's had her for over 20 years. She has moved from state to state with him and now his wife and family. His kids consider her part of the family.Betty's clothes change for different occasions and she even has her own guitar. Somewhere along the way she lost a finger. I don't want to know what happened to it but it was during a wild party that I can't really recall much from. Betty has different wigs some of them are pink and some brunette. She has many different looks. He loans her out but only to special friends since she is such an asset to the family.

    I have no idea if this friend has ever gotten freaky with Betty, but knowing him he probably has. That's just something I don't need to bother my mind with.

    Mr. Sign worked as a store director of a large department store for many years giving him access to mannequins. When they got old or broken, they were thrown away.

    We had a friend who had always wanted a mannequin so Mr. Sign brought one home that was on it's way to the dumpster. There wasn't anything wrong with her except that the store was changing all the mannequins to a different looking one.

    For some reason I got the job of delivering her to the friend's house. I stuffed her torso into the back seat of my Honda but had to remove her arms and legs to make her fit. I had to put them into the trunk. I felt like one of the Goodfellas trying to load her into the back of the car in pieces and luckily she didn't put up too much of a fight.

    When I got to the friend's house, he wasn't there. I decided to leave the mannequin there anyway because I didn't want to drive any further with this "person" in my car. You can imagine the looks I got as I drove around with an armless torso in my car. I opened the garage door and started to unload.

    I assembled her right there in front of the big door. I didn't have clothes for her so I decided to leave her in a compromising position with the door up. Every time someone drove by, they could see a naked woman who looked real. Some of the neighbors were not amused since the school bus passed by fully loaded with kids. I am so bad!

    The funniest part is that someone took her before the friend got home and she was returned the next day fully clothed with a note attached saying what a great time she had.

    The friend is a big NASCAR fan and frequents Michigan International Speedway (MIS). He drives a big bus and takes the mannequin with him. He puts her on top of the bus once he gets settled.

    He returned once to find that she was AWOL. He had no idea if he would ever see her again as he imagined what some NASCAR loving redneck might do with his precious date. Not long after, he saw a gang of bikers ride by the bus and the mannequin was on the back of one of the bikes. They had dressed her in a black leather bustier and had a collar around her neck. I can just picture some hard core biker dude riding around with his "woman" with him.

    The bikers were kind enough to return her after a day of fun. The friend now keeps her chained to the bus so no one will steal her.

    Ah, to live the life of a mannequin!


    georgiabelle said...

    LMAO! This is too freakin' funny! You did a great job describing the life of Betty! I could totally picture her in all of these situations!
    The whole time I was reading I was thinking about the 80's movie, Mannequin, with Kim Catrell and Andrew (Shue?). I LOVED that movie! Still do!
    Thanks for sharing such a fun story!

    steff81 said...

    I love your sign...I'm such a comment whore too. So feel free to stop by my little piece of blog and drop me a line!

    Anyway, I too like the golden corn theory. To be truthful I stole if from my friend Leigha who announced it one day in the school cafeteria right after a bunch of people took bites of their corn. We had an instant bond!

    Anyway, since you're a comment whore too here is your comment!

    scumbag said...

    thank you fer yer support and shit. i'm sorry our blog is racist.

    Big Pissy said...

    What a great story! I especially loved how the bikers returned her!

    wmy said...

    Your in the mob...ADMIT IT!! LOL
    He chained the damn thing to the bus?? That is just great!! Thanks for the visual chicklet!

    Barney said...

    How comes Darryl Hannah didnt have the life of Betty huh?

    What?...was Betty the bag lady of Mannequins? ;-)

    ShyRocket said...

    Chained to the BUS???!!! That POOR helpless mannequin. HILARIOUS story, almost worth owning one just for the fun of it... jiggyness aside!

    wmy said...

    BTW...just read your comment on Os' blog about the ass fucking and midget porn...you filthy devil you! hahahahahahaha

    Suze said...

    Jenn, that mannequin gets about more than me. This bloody blog keeps me busy most of the time. LOL.

    Do male mannequin's have genitals? I've never looked. If they do I may try and find one. LMFAO.

    Anonymous said...

    hey mrs.goodfella, I got a dame I'd like ya to stick in the trunk, ya up to it wiseguy?

    sugarpunk said...

    funny how other want to partake in the adventure of the mannequin..

    but yes chain her down..

    scum.. crackerhead.. nana pudding lover..i think jenn will have to read the archives of your own personal blog hate site...

    and jenn.. im an insomniac .. i answered ya back on mine..

    oh and did you have the link to WHERE the "stripper shoes" came from .. cuz like em says .. those are HAWT shoes there missy!!!

    i call them lollipops.. just cuz its sexier... and i call men the suckers! HA!

    SignGurl said...

    City~It was Andrew McCarthy. Glad you got a laugh!

    Steff~that corn theory was "golden", I keeelll myself (again)!

    Cap'n~You know you are loved :-)

    Big P~Bikers are awesome!

    Wendy~You DO know that Mr. Sign is Sicilian? So, yeah, sometime's there's a little Italian in me. I don't mean little, heh!

    Michael~How's Darryl Hannah get in here? I'm confused.

    Shy~You know it!

    Wendy~I learned all my filthy comments from you!

    Suze~Male mannequins don't have genitalia lest every woman would have one.

    TC~Is she hot? If so I might climb in there with her ;-)

    Sugar~you know it's easy to confuse me but what the hell does this mean, "scum.. crackerhead.. nana pudding lover..i think jenn will have to read the archives of your own personal blog hate site..." ?

    Laurie said...

    LOL - that's funny about the bikers! Did he get a picture of that?

    This reminded me of one of our friends - he was dating this chick that was sooooo boring, we nicknamed her "the mannequin". haha

    sugarpunk said...

    answered.. although none less confusing..

    he uses cracker.. i call him food references.. *shrug* sry it got muddled

    SignGurl said...

    Laurie~That's too funny, Mannequin!

    Sugar~I get it now! I thought you were calling me a scum, which I guess I am sometimes! *laughing*

    sugarpunk said...

    OH NOOOOOOO... never ...

    so please tell us where the stripper shoes came from.. we all want pole dance one day..

    SignGurl said...

    I got them at Shoe Carnival but over a year ago. The name brand is Soda.

    Suze said...

    Jenn, I can see an opening in the market there. We should set up business manufacturing male's with genitalia.

    Now, who could we model them on? LOL.

    SignGurl said...

    Suze~Maybe we could use Alex. I'm sure he's up for it!

    barman said...

    How much fun. I thought of the movie that was mentioned as I read it.

    I heard of an incident, I believe on the news from this area. Someone had their snowman stolen from their house and kept for a whole week before being returned. When they got it back it was accompanied by a photo album filled with photos from the vacation the snowman took.

    St. Francis said...

    I care about you signgurl

    Mike said...

    OK, I found one! Yes, I now have my own! Thanks for stopping by!

    SignGurl said...

    Barman~I remember the one about the gnome lawn ornament. That was funny!

    St~I care about you too.

    Mike~Glad you got your own Betty. Hope she lives up to your expectations.

    da buttah said...


    maybe i'm weird...but manequins always creeped me out..and still do.

    No idea why....but...*shudder*

    Polyman2 said...

    if Betty will be
    available after
    everyone has their way
    with her...
    she sounds like my
    kind of gal.

    SignGurl said...

    Buttah~They are exeptionally creapy especially when you are alone with them.

    Poly~Betty is everyone's kinda gal!

    barman said...

    Hey Jenn, what do you expect from a senior citizen. Well maybe I am not one yet but my mind sure fits the bill. You were correct about the gnome of course. I thought the snowman sounded odd.

    Everything Nice said...

    One of the companies I work with has a mannequin at the receptionist desk named Madeline.

    She is part of the company to say the least. She gets a pay check, her own phone line, and new clothing every once and awhile.

    Madeline is handy, why? Because she sits there in the front with her back turned to the door... people that walk in assume she's real and start saying "Excuse me? ummm... misss? EXCUSE ME!"

    Thanks to the security survelliance the staff has an opportunity to laugh their asses off even during the most stressful of deadlines!

    ell said...

    another great story! LOL