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    Saturday, February 25, 2006

    A Secret

    About 6 years ago we visited my sister in law. We brought an air mattress to sleep on since there were no extra beds. I slept great since the mattress was one of the heavy duty ones that is meant for a water bed and it was very comfy.

    Somehow when we returned home I ended up inflating it again and sleeping on it alone. I think Mr. Sign was sick.

    Our bedroom has two rooms. There is a small room off of the main part that I had always used as a dressing room. The mattress fit perfectly in that room. There is no door but instead there is a rounded extra large doorway with a small rounded top window on either side.

    Each night that I slept on the mattress alone was better sleep than I had had since I was a kid. Mr. Sign has sleep apnea so he uses a CPAP machine at night. He wears a mask and the exhausted air always ends up hitting me in the face or the back. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad the he breathes now at night. He used to quit breathing for up to one minute at a time and the snoring was ridiculous (and his was pretty bad too).

    Then there is the gas factor. Why is it that men seem to save up the days worth of flatulence until they get into bed? There have been many a night that I thought I was in Baghdad during bombings.

    I'm no princess either since my nickname is Flipper while sleeping. I don't just roll over, I flip and often. This drives Mr. Sign insane.

    Well, the more I slept alone, the nicer I became. I was free. I could do all the flipping I needed to and I could hog all of the covers while sleeping in the middle of the bed. I hadn't realized how much sleep I was missing while trying to stay in the "marriage bed".

    The whole idea of other people knowing that we don't sleep together bothers Mr. Sign. I could care less. I can visit him whenever I please and then return to my bed (minus the wet spot because that's in his bed, he he). I honestly believe that if we still slept together that we wouldn't
    be married. My parents don't sleep in the same bed and neither do my grandparents. Actually, neither of them even sleep on the same level with one upstairs and one downstairs. At least we were in the same room.

    Last night I tried to get to bed early since I was feeling a little icky. It was after 11 p.m. when I finally made it. I sunk into my feather bed that rests on top of the mattress and drifted off to sleep. About an hour later I realized that my hip was hitting the floor. I tried to roll my ass out of bed and realized that there was hardly any air left in the mattress. WTF? I went and got the vacuum cleaner that has a reverse air flow and blew it up again. Ah, that's better. An hour later I was back on the floor.

    I decided that I couldn't try to figure out what was going on and slipped into my roommate's bed (a.k.a. Mr. Sign). He welcomed me in and even slid over to the middle (where he likes to plant his ass). I hovered on the edge holding on for dear life. Neither of us could sleep well. About 4 o'clock my body gave in and got about two hours of sleep. When I woke up every bone in my body ached.

    Mr. Sign was pissy all day since he didn't sleep well either. He decided to go buy a new air mattress. He didn't ever want to have a night like the last again.

    He brought home the new mattress and we started to inflate it and realized that it was one foot shorter and it was only six inches off the floor. This would never do since it cost over $120. We deflated it and actually got it back into the package it came in so he could return it.

    I got out the old mattress and had the girls help me find the small hole. #1 found it and it was on a baffle. I put some Liquid Nails on the hole and I hope that it holds forever. I don't ever want to sleep with someone again.


    MamaKBear said...

    My Mom & Dad haven't slept in the same bed together in years. Daddy has back problems and prefers a much firmer bed than Mom, so he sleeps in my sister's old bedroom on his own bed while Mom sleeps in their room.

    Strange how some marriages are like that, huh? It wasn't always like that for them, but whatever works!

    The Taker of Gist said...

    Sleeping on the floor is a privilege in some countries! Also, spitting on the ground is common practice there. You can't pick and choose.

    Mike said...

    Liquid Nail? On the Hole??? Um, OK?

    Barney said...

    LOL...On the subject of flatulence ..well, its like this Jenn...Men are not very good at holding it in, they just let rip whenever and wherever whilst a woman can pretty much hold it in forever if they have to...now..secrets are another matter..men can keep a secret..even forget they KNOW a secret..lol...whereas a woman is very poor at keeping secrets...they just gotta blurt it out...so i reckon if youre a guy and you want a woman to keep a secret....whisper it up her ass!!!! ;-)

    DZER said...

    you should look at some of the better bicycle tire tube patching kits ... just to make sure that hole doesn't re-leak ...

    Suze said...

    Jenn, you had me LMFAO there. I hope the liquid nails holds for you.

    Our friends have an inflatable matress for us to sleep on when we visit them. The down side to this is that when we are all a little worse for the drink, we have to blow it up with a foot pump which leaks.

    Yes, they don't have a reverse air flow vaccum. We all have to take turns to pump (Oh, err). The problem with this is that we can't blow it up for laughing. ;)

    sugarpunk said...

    LOL well i for one would LOVE to have my own room.. even if married.. you cant imagine the freedom in that room..

    but a separate bed is fine too.. and not all people work in the same way.. tell mr its ok..

    terry said...

    that is one thing i don't miss about being married...sharing the bed with a flatulent snorer!

    Velvet said...

    Sign Gurl, Me likey!

    Me likey a lot!

    Sparkle said...

    You know, you would like sleeping with someone if you could sleep with Velvet and me. ;-)

    Mike said...

    Flipper! OMG, that is too funny! Hey, I am staying near the airport on Tuesday if you want to get a drink.

    Big Pissy said...


    Someone else who doesn't sleep in the same bed as their husband!!!!

    My friends constantly tell me its so wrong that Sweet Man and I sleep in different rooms.

    We have different rooms for the same reasons you and Mr. Sign don't share a bed!!! ;-)

    barman said...

    I thought it was odd when I found out my parents did not sleep in the same bed but there are a lot of good reasons to do that. I suspect it is not all the uncommon. I can understand why that might be something you might not want to advertise but the truth is sleeping together has nothing to do with "visiting." I personally don't think it means much and I have seen several people mention if what we are talking about is actually sleeping, they would rather sleep in seperate beds anyway.

    I was going over my sisters house about every weekend for over a year helping with building their house. During that time I slept on an air matress all the time. I ended up getting an air matress from Meijer that worked fine for me for about $40 I think but it was right on the ground and about 6 to 8 inches thick. What I loved about it is it come with a pump that I could easily inflate and deflate the mattress with. This was great.

    Anyway I think I would look into a good patch such as what is used on a bike to try and patch up what you have.

    Oh by the way, I am a bit of a flopper myself. That and I know, at least when I sleep outside, I tend to snore. I can understand the desire for seperate beds.

    Mike said...

    Well...nothing like a bad night of sleep to ruin a perfectly good day huh?...lol

    Nonny said...

    If it works for you I say "do it". I think to much emphasis is placed on "the marital bed". My husband and I share a full size bed, not a king or queen, though we've managed to adapt to each others sleep habits.

    What happened to your profile pic? J's gonna be sad that you changed it, I'm sure a few others will be as well ;)

    Jodes said...

    I know so many people that do not sleep in the same bed. nothing wrong with it.