A Secret

About 6 years ago we visited my sister in law. We brought an air mattress to sleep on since there were no extra beds. I slept great since the mattress was one of the heavy duty ones that is meant for a water bed and it was very comfy.

Somehow when we returned home I ended up inflating it again and sleeping on it alone. I think Mr. Sign was sick.

Our bedroom has two rooms. There is a small room off of the main part that I had always used as a dressing room. The mattress fit perfectly in that room. There is no door but instead there is a rounded extra large doorway with a small rounded top window on either side.

Each night that I slept on the mattress alone was better sleep than I had had since I was a kid. Mr. Sign has sleep apnea so he uses a CPAP machine at night. He wears a mask and the exhausted air always ends up hitting me in the face or the back. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad the he breathes now at night. He used to quit breathing for up to one minute at a time and the snoring was ridiculous (and his was pretty bad too).

Then there is the gas factor. Why is it that men seem to save up the days worth of flatulence until they get into bed? There have been many a night that I thought I was in Baghdad during bombings.

I'm no princess either since my nickname is Flipper while sleeping. I don't just roll over, I flip and often. This drives Mr. Sign insane.

Well, the more I slept alone, the nicer I became. I was free. I could do all the flipping I needed to and I could hog all of the covers while sleeping in the middle of the bed. I hadn't realized how much sleep I was missing while trying to stay in the "marriage bed".

The whole idea of other people knowing that we don't sleep together bothers Mr. Sign. I could care less. I can visit him whenever I please and then return to my bed (minus the wet spot because that's in his bed, he he). I honestly believe that if we still slept together that we wouldn't be married. My parents don't sleep in the same bed and neither do my grandparents. Actually, neither of them even sleep on the same level with one upstairs and one downstairs. At least we were in the same room.

Last night I tried to get to bed early since I was feeling a little icky. It was after 11 p.m. when I finally made it. I sunk into my feather bed that rests on top of the mattress and drifted off to sleep. About an hour later I realized that my hip was hitting the floor. I tried to roll my ass out of bed and realized that there was hardly any air left in the mattress. WTF? I went and got the vacuum cleaner that has a reverse air flow and blew it up again. Ah, that's better. An hour later I was back on the floor.

I decided that I couldn't try to figure out what was going on and slipped into my roommate's bed (a.k.a. Mr. Sign). He welcomed me in and even slid over to the middle (where he likes to plant his ass). I hovered on the edge holding on for dear life. Neither of us could sleep well. About 4 o'clock my body gave in and got about two hours of sleep. When I woke up every bone in my body ached.

Mr. Sign was pissy all day since he didn't sleep well either. He decided to go buy a new air mattress. He didn't ever want to have a night like the last again.

He brought home the new mattress and we started to inflate it and realized that it was one foot shorter and it was only six inches off the floor. This would never do since it cost over $120. We deflated it and actually got it back into the package it came in so he could return it.

I got out the old mattress and had the girls help me find the small hole. #1 found it and it was on a baffle. I put some Liquid Nails on the hole and I hope that it holds forever. I don't ever want to sleep with someone again.