I'm All A'Twitter

    Tweet on Twitter

    Monday, April 03, 2006

    Bus/Bar Crawl

    My friend rented a party bus to take us from bar to bar in Grand Rapids. The bus was a converted tour bus that had disco lights and a kick ass stereo system. The seats had been removed and the interior was made to look like a lounge. I didn't bring my camera since I was sure I would lose it somewhere in all the drunkeness.

    Here are some stats from the Bus/Bar tour Saturday night.

    • Number of men on the bus-12
    • Number of women-5 (good odds for me, huh?)
    • Number of bars visited- 5
    • Number of times the bus driver yelled at me-1
    • Number of times he apologized for doing so-2
    • Number of times my ass was grabbed-3
    • Number of times I grabbed other asses-lost track
    • Number of bald heads I rubbed for luck-2
    • Number of times I got kissed on the mouth-4 (one with tongue)
    • Number of Jello shots I consumed-somewere around 40
    • Number of Kamakazies-3
    • Number of shots of Jager-3
    • Number of beers-0
    • Number of Jello shots my bra can hold-8
    • Number of people who got lucky on the bus with someone other than their spouse-2
    • Number of people's heads on my lap at one time-3
    • Number of younger guys that did the bump and grind with me on the bus-2
    • Number of older guys that did the bump and grind with me on the bus-4
    • Number of bar brawls I broke up-1
    • Number of guys who said I had great dance moves (yeah, right)-2 (# who weren't trashed-0)
    • Average age of people attending the party 32
    • Number of times I asked, "Who's hand is in my shirt?"-2
    • Number of times someone fell on the bus-lost track
    • Number of people who passed out-2 (the same two who got lucky)
    • Number of times Mr. Sign got lucky-2 (not on the bus you pervs!)
    I wasn't feeling real great by the time the party started and questioned whether I was up for another night of drinking. Mr. Sign said that I was as pale as a ghost. We only knew four people and I was feeling a little out of my element since I was so sociable the night before. I decided to try to start drinking (I sound like an alcoholic) to try to make myself feel better. It worked and I pepped up quickly.

    My friend's husband was wearing an apron that looked like a barbeque apron with a towel sewed on the front. When you lifted the towel, there was a 12" penis including testicles and pubic hair. The penis lifted up with the towel by a fishline. He proceeded to show it off to every woman in every bar we visited. Some of the bouncers were not cool with it. I think they were just jealous.

    In one of the bars, some guy seemed to have a fasination with my ass. He asked me finally to rub his friend's bald head. I broke down and did it (it was soooo soft). Then he says, "I didn't mean that head!" He got a little tap on the back and I walked over to the birthday boy who proceed to tell me about how he was so glad I was there (insert big kiss here. I didn't fight him of course). Why does alcohol lower our inhibitions so much?

    Check Out Blinkyou.com for thousands of custom glitters and layouts

    The bus was rockin' with dance tunes like Shake That and Beep. By the end of the night, most of the people that weren't passed out were dancing while the bus drove us down the streets. We were all shaking our asses and having the most fun you can have with your clothes on. People walking on the streets could see into the bus. The only problem was that with all the alcohol that was spilled on the floor, it was slippery.

    Since you can't walk into a bar with alcohol, I packed my body with Jello shots. My bra has an amazing ablility to hold them. By the end of the night all the guys were helping themselves to my stash. One guy asked me what I didn't have in there. I told him I had everything he needed right here as I patted my chest. Gawd, I'm such a lush.

    One of the bars we went to was The B.O.B. There are six bars in one, on four different levels. We ended up in the dance club. Way to much fun.

    One of the guys was eating something and I asked him what it was. I swear he said penis, but he was trying to say peanuts. I'm still laughing.

    I'm still too tired to type more. I'll leave you with a little Jenn gem. After nearly 100 shots of Jello in 2 days, I think I'll shit a neon rainbow.


    DZER said...

    remind me to party with you and your buddies sometimes ... sounds like it's a guaranteed blast LOL

    barman said...

    Oh my god that sounds like a blast. Way to much fun. The B.O.B. is an awesome bar. Glad you guys made it there and also glad you survived.

    Next time a throw a party I am inviting you so I have a memorable party!

    Big Pissy said...

    WOW!!! Sounds like you guys had such a great time!


    So...did ya shit a neon rainbow?!?!?

    SignGurl said...

    DZER~You are SO invited next time and you better come. Haha-I said come.

    Barman~You better invite me. You now know I really can have fun in almost all situations.

    Pissy~As a matter of fact I shit a rainbow but it came in waves of colors. Like green, then red, then blue. You asked!

    MamaKBear said...

    Damn girl, you sound like so much fun to hang out with! Wish you lived closer!

    LOL...I couldn't help it...after reading that last line, Alan Jackson's "Chasing That Neon Rainbow" started immediately going through my head.

    Gary said...

    Now THAT'S what I call a party!

    You told how many fights you broke up, but you didn't mention how many you started. :)

    Kristen said...

    sounds like a party!!!

    I love those songs!!!

    Madame X said...

    *stamping foot and pouting*

    I wanna get grinded on by younger men!!

    Nonny said...

    You people are hard core party animals. I would have been done in after the first night.

    Suze said...

    Jenn, you're a party animal. Grrr. I would have helped you stash some of those jello shots.

    Quite like the idea of men rummaging through my bra for them. Quick thinking on your part. ;)

    crabcake said...

    I wanna ride the magic bus too!

    sigh. Here I sit, nothing more exciting going on than possible cheap Mexican food for lunch. I need more damn it!

    Only time my butt's seen any action lately is when I stopped fast and the dogs nose disappeared.

    cadbury_vw said...

    sounds like quite the party

    wish i was there

    kellywalters said...

    yeah.. your breasts are really great

    crabcake said...

    Sign, how come roxi knows all about your breasts? What pics aren't you guys showing us?

    Okay people right here....THIS is a good example of your ears on booze. ahhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    "One of the guys was eating something and I asked him what it was. I swear he said penis, but he was trying to say peanuts. I'm still laughing."

    ell said...

    jenn - you are too much! i was in the middle of leaving a voicemail for my friend as i was reading your "list" and i totally lost it. now i'm sure he thinks i'm in an alcoholic stupor.