Bus/Bar Crawl

My friend rented a party bus to take us from bar to bar in Grand Rapids. The bus was a converted tour bus that had disco lights and a kick ass stereo system. The seats had been removed and the interior was made to look like a lounge. I didn't bring my camera since I was sure I would lose it somewhere in all the drunkeness.

Here are some stats from the Bus/Bar tour Saturday night.

• Number of men on the bus-12

• Number of women-5 (good odds for me, huh?)

• Number of bars visited- 5

• Number of times the bus driver yelled at me-1

• Number of times he apologized for doing so-2
  

• Number of times my ass was grabbed-3

• Number of times I grabbed other asses-lost track

• Number of bald heads I rubbed for luck-2

• Number of times I got kissed on the mouth-4 (one with tongue)

• Number of Jello shots I consumed-somewere around 40

• Number of Kamakazies-3

• Number of shots of Jager-3

• Number of beers-0

• Number of Jello shots my bra can hold-8

• Number of people who got lucky on the bus with someone other than their spouse-2

• Number of people's heads on my lap at one time-3

• Number of younger guys that did the bump and grind with me on the bus-2

• Number of older guys that did the bump and grind with me on the bus-4

• Number of bar brawls I broke up-1

• Number of guys who said I had great dance moves (yeah, right)-2 (# who weren't trashed-0)
  

• Average age of people attending the party 32

• Number of times I asked, "Who's hand is in my shirt?"-2

• Number of times someone fell on the bus-lost track
  

• Number of people who passed out-2 (the same two who got lucky)

• Number of times Mr. Sign got lucky-2 (not on the bus you pervs!)

I wasn't feeling real great by the time the party started and questioned whether I was up for another night of drinking. Mr. Sign said that I was as pale as a ghost. We only knew four people and I was feeling a little out of my element since I was so sociable the night before. I decided to try to start drinking (I sound like an alcoholic) to try to make myself feel better. It worked and I pepped up quickly.

My friend's husband was wearing an apron that looked like a barbeque apron with a towel sewed on the front. When you lifted the towel, there was a 12" penis including testicles and pubic hair. The penis lifted up with the towel by a fishline. He proceeded to show it off to every woman in every bar we visited. Some of the bouncers were not cool with it. I think they were just jealous.

In one of the bars, some guy seemed to have a fasination with my ass. He asked me finally to rub his friend's bald head. I broke down and did it (it was soooo soft). Then he says, "I didn't mean that head!" He got a little tap on the back and I walked over to the birthday boy who proceed to tell me about how he was so glad I was there (insert big kiss here. I didn't fight him of course). Why does alcohol lower our inhibitions so much?



The bus was rockin' with dance tunes like Shake That and Beep. By the end of the night, most of the people that weren't passed out were dancing while the bus drove us down the streets. We were all shaking our asses and having the most fun you can have with your clothes on. People walking on the streets could see into the bus. The only problem was that with all the alcohol that was spilled on the floor, it was slippery.

Since you can't walk into a bar with alcohol, I packed my body with Jello shots. My bra has an amazing ablility to hold them. By the end of the night all the guys were helping themselves to my stash. One guy asked me what I didn't have in there. I told him I had everything he needed right here as I patted my chest. Gawd, I'm such a lush.

One of the bars we went to was The B.O.B. There are six bars in one, on four different levels. We ended up in the dance club. Way to much fun.

One of the guys was eating something and I asked him what it was. I swear he said penis, but he was trying to say peanuts. I'm still laughing.

I'm still too tired to type more. I'll leave you with a little Jenn gem. After nearly 100 shots of Jello in 2 days, I think I'll shit a neon rainbow.