I Blew A Nut

Hehe, that sounds so dirty. I'm not talking about what I did to Mr. Sign. That's my friend's favorite saying for "losing it".

Mr. Sign and I had our last visit with the Internist today before all of our information is turned into the insurance company to determine if we fit the criteria for weight loss surgery.

I wasn't preprared to have an EKG but I did. The medical assistant (an adorable brunette) who did it was very nice. She was unhooking one of the leads and she dropped one on my face. She said, "I didn't mean to beat you up". To which I replied, "Sometimes it can be fun". I have no idea how that slipped out but she didn't seem very amused. She told me to strip except for my underwear and put on this ginormous gown. It's always nice to meet someone in your skivies.

The doctor was a woman. She entered the room and immediately made me feel uncomfortable. She was very aloof and treated me like I wasn't human. She got right to the point and asked me if I had any doctor supervised diets. I told her that I didn't even have a primary care physician for 8 years.

She asked me what I do for a living so I told her I make signs. She said, "Oh, you paint signs by hand?" I told her that it's all computerized now. I let her know that I do everything from designing to the actual making of and installing the signs. She said that it was interesting. I'm assuming that she was looking down her nose at me.

She then felt me up (haha, at least my legs and belly). She listened to my heart and lungs. I guess I've never had a woman doctor before. Weird.

She said my EKG looked great. I asked her about my bloodwork. She kept looking at it and squinting like she couldn't read it. She said everything looks good, "surprising". My cholesterol is 160. LDL is 99. HDL is 51 which could be a little higher since that's the good one. Glucose is 91. My pulse is 65 and blood pressure is 117/72. All of my liver functions were great as were my thyroid tests. So basically I'm damned healthy for a big girl.

When she was leaving she said, "You should prepare yourself for the insurance company to deny your request based on the fact that you don't have 2 years of doctor supervised diets. I've asked my billing specialist about working with your insurance company and they are likely to reject you." I was devastated. I told her that I had asked all along every step of the way if this was a possiblity and was assured that I was a prime candidate.

I had to wait in the waiting room for Mr. Sign to get done. I sat stewing in my own madness about the whole thing. I was pissed because I now know that they put everyone through this process just to get their money knowing that they will be rejected. If anyone had tried to talk to me right then, I would have exploded.

As soon as I saw Mr. Sign I broke down and went on a rampage yelling about how this was bullshit. He tried to calm me down but I was inconsolable.

He immediately got on the phone and called the insurance company to ask (for the third time) what criteria we had to meet. She said that with our plan of coverage, we don't have to do the 2 years of doctor supervised weight loss. Apparently there are different levels of coverage and ours covers weight loss surgery.

The doctor was trying to cover her ass. I realize now that she was judging me based on my job. She thought that since I'm a lowly sign maker that I would have the lowest coverage.

It would seem that someone who works with people who have researched and put all of their heart and soul into making the decision to have a life changing surgery would be a little more gentle in her approach of rejection. I realize now that she was just preparing me in case it happened so that I wouldn't be devastated. She really burst my bubble.

Everything now goes into the insurance company. I hope it doesn't take too long to find out the outcome.

Next stop, my primary care physician on Thursday for my yearly physical. Dr. Googly Eyes will have his huge bug eyed glasses near my cooch yelling, "I can't find it". At least that's what he said last time. I lifted off the table and asked him how could he not find it? He said it was my cervix he was having a hard time locating. Just my luck. A doctor that can't find all my parts.

I can hardly wait.