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    Thursday, May 25, 2006

    What Women Have To Do

    I've groomed the cooch and scrubbed until I'm sparkly clean. In less than an hour I'll be at Dr. Googly Eyes with his face inches from the land that gave life. I dread this more than anything. I'd rather have my teeth drilled without anesthesia (which I do anyway) than get a yearly exam.

    I hate the paper gown that opens in the front. What's the purpose of this? It doesn't cover much. I hate the drape that goes across your lap. I hate that your ass is hanging in the air with the wind blowing across it. I hate the cold hardness of the speculum. I hate all the goop that continues to ooze out of you for the rest of the day.

    Ok, I got that out of my system. After that, I'm having an honor roll pizza party at the school for the 4th and 5th grades. It's gonna suck because it's supposed to storm so it will have to be done inside.

    I'm going to go kick my negative self in the ass. I promise to be a little more chipper as soon as June 8th gets here. Then, I'll have much more time on my hands.

    12 comments:

    Suze said...

    Jenn, I hate having those done too. Just close your eyes and think of England and the two of us painting the town red.

    I hope all goes well.

    Gary said...

    When I get my next prostate exam I think I'll just close my eyes and think of England.

    Nonny said...

    I get to deal with women having pap smears everyday-woo hoo! I personally only have one done about every 3 years, even though I have a history of abnormal pap smears. It really is a degrading experience.

    barman said...

    I feel some of your pain. The prostate exam has some portions of what you mentioned but to a lesser extent. Still it is not pleasant. I hope your day goes well.

    Sal said...

    Pizza sounds good. Find the bright spot sweetie!

    Denny Shane said...

    You would think in today's age of modern science and medicine they would come up to space age techniques for these exams and prostate exams. These tests go back to the middle-ages.

    bg's Little Sis said...

    Crap way to start the day that's for sure. I hate that day of the year. In my younger years the doc I went to would talk about the weather and had posters on the ceiling above you to read, that was more horrible I think. I told him to "Shut up Please" if I wanted to talk weather I'd go somewhere else, just get in and out and be done PLEASE.

    Hope the pizza goes well, my kids love that kinda stuff at school. So with the ones there with our without rain *smile*

    -lil'sis

    ell said...

    ditto, ditto, and ditto on the exam thing.

    can you say "humiliating"?

    mgc said...

    my wife doesn't care for those either! at least it is only once a year and not quarterly or something awful like that.

    cutie said...

    You know....you could always add sparkles....sparkles makes everything feel like a party!

    :o)

    Starved said...

    just enjoy the pizza.. get through what you have to get through.. Love ya.

    Big Pissy said...

    I am SO not a fan of the big spread. :(

    But ya gotta do it.....