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    Friday, February 23, 2007

    The Drunkest I've Ever Been

    This is a repost from last year. I dedicate it to G-Man. I know of his love of pukers. (Remember, you did say you would hold my head.)

    I wasn't even legal drinking age. My future husband and I were getting the wedding party together to meet each other. We wanted everyone to get to know each other better so we decided the best place to do that was the bar.

    We got to Tangos at about 6:00, so it was early. The bar was one of those swanky bars where everyone thinks they are better than everyone else. I don't like these kinds of places. I'd much rather go to the biker bars because they are much more laid back. But I digress.

    There were about 20 of us there that night. Everyone was having a great time. Some of my husband's friends decided to see what I was made of. They started buying me drinks (remember that I'm not even legal yet). I had worked all day and hadn't had time to eat. The first drink that came my way was beer. Drank it down quick. It tasted so good. Next friend decides that I need wine. No problem, drank that too. Next "friend" conjures up some champagne.

    I was starting to get a little buzzed so I decided to have some food. The only thing I could muster up was those huge green olives that they put in Martinis. Gobbled up about six of them and decided that I was full.

    Hubby's best man asked me if I had ever had a whiskey sour. No? Well you need to try one. One went down so well that I had to have 5 more.

    The next thing I know I'm on the dance floor with one of hubby's friends and his tongue is down my throat. I'm thinking that this isn't a problem because "he's drunk".

    Tongue guy brings me a Long Island Iced Tea. It went down so smoothly that I ordered 4 more (someone told me later how many I had had).

    At this point I must have decided to go to the bathroom because that's where some girl woke me up. I was on the floor. She said "Honey, I think you have a problem." Little did she know.

    I somehow stumbled out to find hubby on the dance floor and told him that I thought maybe we better go because I was hungry and maybe a little drunk (just a little).

    I don't remember how I got to the car but somehow found myself in it. It's only about 9:00 and hubby is hungry.

    His car was a Buick Sommerset and all the controls for the door locks and window switches were in the middle on the console. (I'm telling you this to set up the next scene.)

    We pull up to Burger King and hubby orders the food. While waiting to get to the first window, I have my first inkling that I might throw up.

    Hubby pulls up to the window and the girl asks him if he needs salt or ketchup. It was at this point that I now know that I'm going to hurl. My first reaction is that I need to get out of the car but the damn door won't open. Hubby had locked the doors because he thought I might fall out of the car. Remember that the controls are in the middle but I don't remember that. I'm clawing at the door and trying to roll the window down but there is nothing to roll it down with. Just as puke spews all over me and the interior of the car, the BK girl hands hubby 1 napkin, laughs and yells for all of her worker friends to come and check out the sad drunk girl. Hubby screams at her, "I think I'm gonna need more than one napkin".

    I had chunks of green olives in my long hair, on my clothes that I had borrowed from my mom, and all over the car.

    Hubby starts to freak out when he sees the huge mess in his car and the train wreck next to him that he's supposed to marry. He decides to take me to my friends house to try to clean me up. He leaves me in the car (doors unlocked this time) and goes up to see if she is home. Of course she isn't.

    So he takes me to my bosses house. Now at that time I had a pretty cool boss. She was about 10 years older than me and she had 2 daughters. Hubby leaves me in the car and comes back to help me out and into the boss's house. Remember that I'm reeking of vomit and totally trashed.

    He immediately takes me to her bathroom, pushes me in and shuts the door. So now I'm alone and the room is spinning so I lie down on the floor. Of course it was right in front of the door so when hubby opens it, he smashes my head. Good thing I was anesthetized and couldn't feel it until the next day.

    I was feeling better so I decided that I should shower. Still don't know how I was able to do it standing up.

    I had a 1:00am curfew. How stupid is that? I was engaged for God's sake. Hubby decides to take me home. I lived about 45 minutes away. He drives me home and wasn't even man enough to walk me in.

    When I entered the house, my stepfather was still up reading the paper. He is a recovering alcoholic so he's been down the road that I had just traveled. I kept my head down , told him that I had fun and walked up to my room thinking that he didn't know how trashed I was.

    I woke up the next morning to the worst hangover ever. I had the screaming shits and I was still puking. My mom got up and I told her what I had done. I told her that I didn't think my stepdad knew. She laughed and asked me how he couldn't have known. She said that she could still smell the alcohol.

    I was sick for 3 days with alcohol poisoning. 2 days later our parents met for brunch to get to know each other. I had to tell hubby's parents that I had the flu.

    P.S. Hubby had to sell the car as he could never get the smell out. And he still married me!


    G-Man said...

    This is dedicated to me?
    Thanks Jenn, My very own barf post!!
    You sure know how to treat a man baby!!...G x

    Anonymous said...

    jenn, that's quite a story.
    I've never understood why people think it's funny to push multiple drinks on a rookie and break the golden rule of drinking..don't change drinks, stay with one thing.
    I'm sorry but what kind of friend would tongue kiss his friend's wife to be?
    Oh well, we all have done silly stuff and considering your age you did pretty well.

    Thanks for sharing this story cutie, I'm glad I didn't eat breakfast yet.(chunks of olives in your hair is not a pretty visual)lol

    G-Man said...

    Jenn, My wife puked in a brand new car of mine before we got married..
    The car ALWAYS smelled like bleu cheese after that. Of course I dumped it soon after.
    Thats sooooo sweet that you thought of me here!
    The Puke Post....
    The Blog Whore!

    Anonymous said...

    bleu cheese..now I know I'm gonna get sick...

    jillie said...

    WOW...does that bring back some memories. Nothing like the cold floor on the face telling yourself "I'm just going to lay here for a minute" and then I'll be better!

    HA...I've learned from the past...don't mix your drinks. But I don't think that I've "quite" learned my lesson.

    Thanks for the laugh and have a GREAT wknd!

    ONE MORE WEEK and I am rid of this damn cast! wooooohoooo!!!!

    jillie said...

    Oh yeah, I forgot to add...1 napkin? That's like bringing a dixie cup for you to barf in.

    Suze said...

    This is just the kind of post I enjoy reading after having had a 24 hour stomach bug.

    Jenn thanks for the great visuals. lol

    kimmyk said...

    I had one very bad experience...it was like 10 years ago and it has left a lasting impression in my memory bank.

    i miss drinking a good strawberry margarita though. guess that's the price we pay to be beautiful though. lol.

    MilkMaid said...

    Do you eat olives still?

    And...biker bars ARE the best, smoky, dirty, loud, bars with a good good juke box. Home sweet home LOL

    G-Man said...

    Well HELL-LOW Milkmaid!

    Can I buy you a Lone Star?
    Although I prefer Pearl.

    wmy said...

    The screaming shits huh?!? Aint those the best? hahahahh
    I had a boyfriend who was not man enough to bring me to the door after a similar night...I did not marry him though. as a matter of fact, he went and propped me up against the shrub next to the door, rang the bell, and ran like hell...I still lived at home. I was only 17 years old, and he knew my dad would have beat the bloody shit out of him if he had stayed with me at that door. Fucking pussy!! I am glad I threw up on his "brand new converse shoes...dammit" yeah, he was an asshat alright! lol

    BlogWhore said...


    MamaKBear said...

    Only 3 days of alcohol poisoning?? Oh, girl...just WAIT 'til I do a post like this of my own! Thanks for the blogging inspiration...credit will duly be given! :)

    Glad you survived and lived to tell about it! How long did you go before you ever had a drink again after that?

    Donna said...

    "And they lived happily ever after." :)

    Now, will your kids have a 1am curfew? ;)

    Thanks for sharing... great story!

    Manny said...

    I never threw up in his car.

    We did have to pull over on I-70 during a blizzard so I could hurl though. LOL

    G-Man said...

    Jenn, a little too much puke talk....

    Anonymous said...

    whenever I have green olives jenn I will always think of you.:)

    G-Man said...

    If you really want to dedicate a post to G-Man, how about........
    The Horniest That I've Ever Been?

    SIMPLY ME said...

    Wow, the things we do! I can relate........have a good weekend.

    ~~Rae~~ said...

    I have yet to have a hangover or get sick lol not for lack of trying though..I have always wanted to experience that first hangover and get it over with

    Manny said...

    Damn, you must still be drunk. I haven't heard from you in 2 days.