The Drunkest I've Ever Been

This is a repost from last year. I dedicate it to G-Man. I know of his love of pukers. (Remember, you did say you would hold my head.)

I wasn't even legal drinking age. My future husband and I were getting the wedding party together to meet each other. We wanted everyone to get to know each other better so we decided the best place to do that was the bar.

We got to Tangos at about 6:00, so it was early. The bar was one of those swanky bars where everyone thinks they are better than everyone else. I don't like these kinds of places. I'd much rather go to the biker bars because they are much more laid back. But I digress.

There were about 20 of us there that night. Everyone was having a great time. Some of my husband's friends decided to see what I was made of. They started buying me drinks (remember that I'm not even legal yet). I had worked all day and hadn't had time to eat. The first drink that came my way was beer. Drank it down quick. It tasted so good. Next friend decides that I need wine. No problem, drank that too. Next "friend" conjures up some champagne.

I was starting to get a little buzzed so I decided to have some food. The only thing I could muster up was those huge green olives that they put in Martinis. Gobbled up about six of them and decided that I was full.

Hubby's best man asked me if I had ever had a whiskey sour. No? Well you need to try one. One went down so well that I had to have 5 more.

The next thing I know I'm on the dance floor with one of hubby's friends and his tongue is down my throat. I'm thinking that this isn't a problem because "he's drunk".

Tongue guy brings me a Long Island Iced Tea. It went down so smoothly that I ordered 4 more (someone told me later how many I had had).

At this point I must have decided to go to the bathroom because that's where some girl woke me up. I was on the floor. She said "Honey, I think you have a problem." Little did she know.

I somehow stumbled out to find hubby on the dance floor and told him that I thought maybe we better go because I was hungry and maybe a little drunk (just a little).

I don't remember how I got to the car but somehow found myself in it. It's only about 9:00 and hubby is hungry.

His car was a Buick Sommerset and all the controls for the door locks and window switches were in the middle on the console. (I'm telling you this to set up the next scene.)

We pull up to Burger King and hubby orders the food. While waiting to get to the first window, I have my first inkling that I might throw up.

Hubby pulls up to the window and the girl asks him if he needs salt or ketchup. It was at this point that I now know that I'm going to hurl. My first reaction is that I need to get out of the car but the damn door won't open. Hubby had locked the doors because he thought I might fall out of the car. Remember that the controls are in the middle but I don't remember that. I'm clawing at the door and trying to roll the window down but there is nothing to roll it down with. Just as puke spews all over me and the interior of the car, the BK girl hands hubby 1 napkin, laughs and yells for all of her worker friends to come and check out the sad drunk girl. Hubby screams at her, "I think I'm gonna need more than one napkin".

I had chunks of green olives in my long hair, on my clothes that I had borrowed from my mom, and all over the car.

Hubby starts to freak out when he sees the huge mess in his car and the train wreck next to him that he's supposed to marry. He decides to take me to my friends house to try to clean me up. He leaves me in the car (doors unlocked this time) and goes up to see if she is home. Of course she isn't.

So he takes me to my bosses house. Now at that time I had a pretty cool boss. She was about 10 years older than me and she had 2 daughters. Hubby leaves me in the car and comes back to help me out and into the boss's house. Remember that I'm reeking of vomit and totally trashed.

He immediately takes me to her bathroom, pushes me in and shuts the door. So now I'm alone and the room is spinning so I lie down on the floor. Of course it was right in front of the door so when hubby opens it, he smashes my head. Good thing I was anesthetized and couldn't feel it until the next day.

I was feeling better so I decided that I should shower. Still don't know how I was able to do it standing up.

I had a 1:00am curfew. How stupid is that? I was engaged for God's sake. Hubby decides to take me home. I lived about 45 minutes away. He drives me home and wasn't even man enough to walk me in.

When I entered the house, my stepfather was still up reading the paper. He is a recovering alcoholic so he's been down the road that I had just traveled. I kept my head down , told him that I had fun and walked up to my room thinking that he didn't know how trashed I was.

I woke up the next morning to the worst hangover ever. I had the screaming shits and I was still puking. My mom got up and I told her what I had done. I told her that I didn't think my stepdad knew. She laughed and asked me how he couldn't have known. She said that she could still smell the alcohol.

I was sick for 3 days with alcohol poisoning. 2 days later our parents met for brunch to get to know each other. I had to tell hubby's parents that I had the flu.

P.S. Hubby had to sell the car as he could never get the smell out. And he still married me!