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    Tuesday, May 01, 2007

    New Drugs For Women

    DAMNITOL
    Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full
    hours.

    EMPTYNESTROGEN
    Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by
    reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait
    till they moved out.

    ST. MOMMA'S WORT
    Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
    preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

    PEPTOBIMBO
    Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed
    before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
    prevents conception.

    DUMBEROL
    When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,
    resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

    FLIPITOR
    Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage
    and the urge to flip off other drivers.

    MENICILLIN
    Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
    lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

    BUYAGRA
    Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,
    duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

    JACKASSPIRIN
    Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your
    birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

    ANTI-TALKSIDENT
    A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too
    eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

    NAGAMENT
    When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
    irritation level as nagging him.

    16 comments:

    G-Man said...

    Menicillin, Hahahaha.
    I'm so glad that flatulance thing is no longer an issue..
    This is a great post, something very G-Man Worthy!!
    Drive safely today ..xoxox

    Chrissie said...

    LOL I suggested to the girl sitting next to me that we get her a shot of the manicillin... since she is here AGAIN hangdoggin it because she told her BF "she couldnt do this anymore"... *sigh* I swear i'm gonna send her home before the day is out... so not in the mood

    ~~R~~ said...

    LOL can I get some DAMNITOL and some ANTI-TALKSIDENT PLZZZZ I need some lol

    jillie said...

    OMG...peptobimbo...THAT IS FREAKIN HILARIOUS...

    I have never seen those before.

    How are you feeling...are you "out of air" yet? lol

    xo

    *S* said...

    Very cute, Signgirl!

    *S*

    Suze said...

    Jenn, just where do I get some of that Flipitor?

    I don't know how some people passed their driving test...you can tell I had a bit of left over road rage. :)

    Big Pissy said...

    *LOL*

    I could use some of several of those! ;-)

    gab said...

    Ohhhh I cant even begin to tell you which one of all those I need so heck give them all to be and let me sweet, stupid, lazy and what ever else my body comes up with by taking all! LOL

    Lady Roxanne said...

    where can I buy these lovely drugs?

    Cazzie!!! said...

    Oh man, as a crazy nurse and a mum I can sooo piss myself laughing over this post, well done, ROTFL.

    Manny said...

    Ahhhhh ah ah ah ah You make me laugh.

    The Savage said...

    ANTI-TALKSIDENT exists.. it's called mace...

    Top cat said...

    LMAO why do women get all the good drugs?
    tc

    jillie said...

    I've tagged you Jenn now you have to see what it's about....yeah, I know you love me now MORE than ever right? Jenn...RIGHT??? HELLOOOOOOOOOOO??

    Danyele said...

    hehe.. I'm going to send this to my mom today. Thanks for the laugh!

    buddha_girl said...

    Jackasspirin!!!

    My good friend, W, calls that problem 'jackassery.'

    I've actually used that term at work.

    Why are you writing that kid up?

    General jackassery.