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    Monday, August 27, 2007

    This & That

    You may have noticed that I haven't been around much lately. I can't seem to bring myself to even turn on the computer. The only reason I did so today was to check my bank balance.

    I'm not depressed or anything like that. I've been out living life instead of writing about it.

    It's not like there has been a shortage of things to blog about. We had major tornadoes that touched down a mile from our house on Friday. The girls and I were upstairs getting ready to go to a party and I could hear what sounded like a freight train. I screamed, "GET TO THE BASEMENT"! Lucky for us, it missed us. We were still able to go to the party, although the hosts had no electricity and still don't. We had to detour about 8 miles to get around power lines and trees that were across the road.

    I'm having a bit of a hard time coming to grips with my place in the hierarchy of relationships. I've always been the fat friend/daughter/mother. I realized this weekend at the second party I attended, that I have no idea where I fit anymore. I've always outweighed my best friend by at least 100+ pounds. Now she outweighs me by 40 pounds. I see the look in her eyes when she looks at me. I know the look well. It's the look of hopelessness and devastation at not being able to control an aspect of your life.

    My friend isn't really sure how to talk to me anymore. It's so strange because I haven't changed who I am, only how I look, or have I?. I'm still the same friend who's been there to listen to every tear drop. How can I convince her that it's me, when I'm not sure she still sees me as her best friend.

    I hate that people feel badly about themselves because I remind them that they have a weight problem. I used to make people feel good about themselves because they weighed less than I did.

    Maybe I have changed. I do have more self confidence. I don't look down when I walk, keeping my eyes straight ahead, taking on the world instead of hiding from it. I guess that does mean I've changed. I only hope it's for the better.

    16 comments:

    cadbury_vw said...

    i am really happy you are out living life - it's pretty wild

    glad you're safe - we are in a tornado zone and it's not fun when the warnings hit

    i have some friends that haven't talked to me very much since i lost weight and split with stbx-Mrs_C

    not because of split loyalties, but because they feel they can't relate to me anymore

    i'm sad that this has happened because of your tremendous accomplishment

    remember the sabotage comment your doctors and counselors made? not all sabotage is with intent...

    i hope she comes around

    Manny said...

    Try not to feel too badly about your friend. Maybe she just has a decision to make. Maybe she's thinking...damn, it can be done. And besides, she can't blame you for taking action and her simply standing still.

    Hopefully the 2 of you will stay good friends and not grow apart.

    I'm positive it'll work out.

    xoxoxoxoxoxxxxx

    you get more x's than g.

    Manny said...

    Oh, Belive me, I understand not even turning the dumb thing on. I really don't computers much anymore.

    Top cat said...

    It is for the better.
    Making people feel better because you weigh more than them is not a basis for any type of relationship.
    As the people around you see how you've changed you may very well serve as an inspiration to them and motivate them to make some changes.
    Think positively about how your weight loss affects others, ok?
    HUGS
    tc

    barman said...

    Sign, just be sensitive around her not to talk to much about losing the weight. I doubt you do but be on guard. Other than that be there to talk to her if she wants that. If what you say does happen to be true, she needs to decided if that bothers her to much and if she wants to do something about it.

    I am sure you would be more than supportive of her should she decide to diet or try a bypass or what ever else.

    As to have you changed, yes you have. But I think it is for the good. Hopefully others can accept that. Basically you are still the same person you have been with a little more confidence and probably zest for life (yikes, my finges just typed sex... they have a mind of their own).

    Wow I would have thought they came even closer than a mile Sign. I know I heard ruffly where things were and it did not sound good. I heard the rain was driving so hard you could not even see more than a few feet. They evacuated us for a little while which was fine until it was quitting time. Everyone was brave and left. By then the weather was pretty much past.

    'Just Me' said...

    I think the best you can do is always be yourself. There will always be some that love you, some that don't...and those that are just jealous. You should be proud of losing the weight. Your friend will come around...if she is a true friend:-)

    BTExpress said...

    Lack of blogging is a summer thing. It happens every year. Bloggers actually get a life when the weather warms up. Once the cold weather sets in, it's back to normal blogging.

    Me, I'm remodeling and just have too much to do to browse blogs and make comments. I still check many out when I have time, but just don't take the time to comment. I can't, there is too much else to do.

    That is the end of BTExpress' Words of Wisdom for today.

    Signing off and good night.

    kimmyk said...

    First of all, I'm glad to hear you and your family are safe. Tornadoes scare me. They came through here Saturday night.

    Secondly, your friend. Maybe you can help her with the way you eat. If someone had showed me the way of eating for post op gastric bypass maybe I would have lost weight. Who knows. Wouldn't hurt to try. But I believe after having this surgery our lives have changed. I know I have. And yeah, some people don't like it that I am the way I am now-which is the way I've always been. I guess they just sort of thought misery loves company and well...I always hated being miserable.

    Sorry SG. Hopefully she'll come around...

    G-Man said...

    Before,
    you were beautiful!
    Now, you are stunningly beautiful, and smoking hot!!
    If people only knew how really awesome you look they would freak!
    Mere images on a computer screen, do NOT do you justice at all..
    You have the most perfect skin in the world, and a gorgeous smile....
    You intimidate people without even realizing it....So next party, get some Billy Bob teeth...
    xoxox

    MONA said...

    SIGN GURL!! YOU ARE BACK!!! YAYY!

    & YAYYY! For enjoying your perfect little vacation :D

    Hey.. You are perfect. No need to even doubt whether you have changed for the better or not. You sounds so good.. from the past as well as now! & look really hot!

    DZER said...

    real friends change along with their friends ... keep up the great work on you, physical and otherwise :)

    Yippeeskip said...

    My sister was always the cute one and me the smart (read: "fat:) one. Our relationship did change markedly after my weight loss. Friends and family don't want to admit that they prefer to relate to you fat rather than thin and confident. It's painful to look at our biases. May time heal your relationship with your friend and mine with my sister, on our terms, thin(er), looking at life head on instead of through our hair.

    Big Pissy said...

    I'm so happy for you Jenn...and so proud of you for the hard work you've done.

    It'll be an adjustment for your friends and family....but those true friends will make the adjustment if they treasure your friendship as much as they should. :)

    lime said...

    if you've gained confidence you have changed for the better. you are feeling better about yourself and it must show, even though you are still sorting out where youfit in life and how others perceive you and even how you perceive yourself.

    you are very sensitive to be thinking about your best friend and i know youare such a caring person you'll never communicate anything but acceptance and love to her. i certainly hope she is able to receive it.

    terry said...

    isn't it awful that your weight loss has changed your relationships? i should think a true friend would be happy that YOU'RE happy with what you've accomplished.

    you should be proud.

    t_cole said...

    Jenn-

    over the years i have been on both sides of the friend weight-loss things, the loser and the gainer. and just as you are adjusting to the new you - so are they. be patient with yourself and them.

    one truth i can share - those that truly love you - will always love you. and they will do what they have to in order to find their new comfort zone with you.

    those that don't adjust and accept - realize that is a reflection of their character and insecurities, not yours.
    my best to you-
    t