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    Friday, February 29, 2008

    Coming To Terms

    My weight loss has slowed and almost come to a screeching halt. I knew it would happen sooner or later but had hoped I'd be one of the people that have a hard time stopping losing after weight loss surgery.

    Here is a weight loss breakdown by month:
    October & November total = 47
    December = 14
    January = 18
    February = 11
    March = 15
    April = 12
    May = 12
    June = 10
    July = 6
    August = 5
    September = 11
    October = 9
    November = 8
    December = 5
    January = 3
    February = 2
    _________
    Total -188
    (Since beginning of Pre Op diet on 10-11-06)

    I really shouldn't complain because throughout my journey, I've never hit a plateau for more than a few weeks at a time. Mr. Sign lost like crazy up until his 6 month anniversary and he hasn't lost a single pound in the last 8 months. I have lost 50 pounds more than he has which is good since I needed to lose more. He's taken the stance that he's very happy with where he is even though he could stand to lose 30-40 more pounds.

    I wish I could be as complacent about not reaching my goal as he is. He really looks great and is feeling even better. Why can't I be happy with the fact that I've lost 49% of my body weight? That's a pretty amazing feat. One hundred and eighty eight (188) pounds gone. I can hardly believe it myself.

    My disappointment in not quite getting to my goal is based on the fact that I have never reached a weight loss goal in my entire life. I want to be able to say that I've reached my goal. But what happens if I get to that goal? Will I only maintain it for a day? Then what?

    I know in my head that now that I have less to lose, my weight loss percentages are still high. So, when I lose 2 pounds in a month, that is 11% of my goal. I just can't live with only getting 92% of the way to my goal. I've come this far so I can't let that 8% escape me.

    The weight loss surgery center told me that the average loss for the second year is only 12-24 pounds. They also said based on my last six months of weight loss, that I should be able to lose 40. I've already lost 18 since my one year anniversary. I guess I need to quit complaining and be super proud of my accomplishments.

    In case you were wondering, my original goal for myself was 180 pounds. (The weight loss center doesn't set a goal weight for you. They consider losing anything over 50% of your excessive weight to be a success.) I know that I look healthy at 180 but had considered trying to get down to 165. I'm slightly frightened of what my face may look like at that weight. I have never carried much of my excessive weight in my face so even losing a few pounds will show up in my gaunt face.

    It's easier to eat more food now and I'm constantly reminding myself that just because I can, doesn't mean I should. I'm going to have to kick up the exercise to get the ball rolling again. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.

    Wow! I've spilled my entire brain here. These are the thoughts that rule my every waking moment. Thank you for reading them.



    16 comments:

    barman said...

    I hear you, it is not easy. When I was on Weight Watchers they set to low of a goal for me. When I got to where I thought I should be, they still said I needed to lose more. Somehow that all did not sit well with me and I allowed myself to start putting the weight back on.

    Give yourself credit for what you have done. You still will lose more, maybe not as much as you like but if you stick with it you will do fine. If you need to go back to being strict about what you eat and drink. I am betting you can make your goal yet this 2 year after the operation. I know you can do what ever you put your mind too.

    {hugs} to you here is to a better March. :)

    gab said...

    I know it isnt easy cause Ive tried...thing is you've at least lost alot compared to me. I also just found out that one of the new meds Im taking one side effect is gaining weight! I just cant win "sigh"
    So let me say I am proud of you and I hope that you will still loose some more but if not YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!

    The Savage said...

    Wow... darn near half of you is gone....
    You are a much bigger person now despite that....
    Woohoo for you!

    Susy said...

    I think your beautiful! Just focus on healthy as much as you can. I have the same thoughts as you. Alot of what you wrote I have said to myself too. You can still shape those beaufiful hips and shape your body with some soft of exercise. Remember after losing all that weight you no longer will suffer with the effects of being heavy. You'll have a better life! Remember playing with your kids in the snow last week. Hold on to those memories my friend. Love ya my internet friend!

    terry said...

    don't let numbers rule your world... but how you feel.

    you look fantastic. you have so much to be proud of.

    kimmyk said...

    I am now 2 years and 4 months post op and I don't think I've lost a pound in probably at least a year. Infact, I think I've gained 6 pounds in the last year. I remember feeling sad about not losing a pound when I would step on the scale, but then recently I've noticed I've lost inches. Like alot of inches. I dropped a whole 'nother pants size since Sept. so I think in some sort of odd way it all balances out. I mean, when you look at someone you don't say "Oh, I bet she weighs 150 pounds..." you say "Oh I bet she's a size 9" and you visualize people that way. [or maybe that's just me?] My point it-don't get discouraged because the scale isn't being so weight loss friendly. My doctors think I can lose another 25 pounds-I can't imagine doing that honestly. I feel good now...and that's what really matters dont you think?

    Don't get discouraged-it'll happen when you're least expecting it.

    -hugs.

    What the Chuck said...

    Hi Jenn,

    Well, first-- you look fantastic!

    Second-- now is the point where you move toward exercise. Throw away the weight goals, and look at fitness goals, like resting pulse, miles walked or cycled, etc.

    You think you feel good now...

    XOXO

    Chuck

    What the Chuck said...

    BTW-- I almost forgot-- Pilates. Take a super-easy beginner Pilates class. It's just amazing.

    And do it for yourself, and your kids-- it's that example you set that will drive them as well.

    Lori said...

    Oh Jenn...I know how you feel. And I know what it feels like to be ruled by those thoughts. I am sorry sweetie. It's so hard to just be happy in our own skin no matter what it looks like.
    But so you know, you ARE beautiful and TONS healthier now. The weightloss may slow down but I agree with chuck...if you wanna lose more you may need to exercise now.

    YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! HUGS

    Yippeeskip said...

    We are so critical of ourselves. Trying to be okay with what is is difficult.
    Be at peace my friend.

    Donna said...

    Quit thinking about what you haven't done and never did before. Think only of yourself at that goal. It is human nature to work toward achieving a goal when we can visualize it. I know it sounds hoakie, but don't spend your energy going over what you have yet to do. Just focus your energy on positive things you need to do to get to your goal. I bet ya anything, once you incorporate exercise, your body will comply. In fact, I'm certain of it. :)

    Donna

    lime said...

    while my only knowledge of how this works is through you i think you are being a bit hard on yourself. numbers are so cruel, especially if you get that close and then get hung up on them. from reading you and getting to know you it seems you chose the surgery because you wanted a significant weight loss for the sake of improved health and a better quality of life all around.

    you have absolutely had a significant weight loss and there is no doubt you are healthier and able to participate in life so much more fully. i think you have succeeded wildly and i hope you won't let the last few pounds(very few by comparison) take away your joy and pride in achieving what you have.

    katie said...

    You are a gorgeous woman both inside and out, Sign Gurl!

    I hope you are having a great weekend!! :)

    jillie said...

    That's one thing I've noticed with scales. It runs and can ruin a persons life with numbers. You are eating healthy, active doing things you've never been able to do and enjoying your life. Jenn...you have, in my opinion, BEAT your goal(s). Look at the things you ARE doing. Not at what the numbers are saying to you. You have come a long way and you have sufficiently marked your goals.

    Don't be so hard on yourself.

    XOXO

    *S* said...

    Yes, you do need to be proud of what you've accomplished - and not give up a positive focus. One of the weird things about WLS is that the weight continues to shift. I have not lost a pound this month (not calendar month), yet my butt is bonier (again, and not fun), my ribs are even more prominent, etc. so something is going on.

    I'm not sure how it is for the RNYers, but for DS the "weight loss window" while no longer wide open, is certainly not nailed shut.

    First, get better from your illness - I've just had a month of carbs for the stomach flu :( - and then focus on doing something positive and different. A lot of people remark on how you need to shake things up every so often - change workout routine, times of eating, etc. - something to jog the body out of its pattern.

    Feel better!

    *S*

    snowelf said...

    Jenn, I also think that when it FINALLY warms up,(and I am in full optimistic mode that it will warm up again someday...) I bet you'll be outside doing so many more things, so that will really help, too.

    You rock. don't forget it. :)

    --snow

    p.s. If you can find take a Pilates class like WTC suggested , I highly second pilates. It is my favorite type of exercise cause it makes your whole body feel great.