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    Monday, March 09, 2009

    Great Expectations

    I'm not gonna lie when I tell you how bad I feel about abandoning this blog. Many of you know of my trials and tribulations. I'll give you the brief overview.

    Over three years ago, Mr. Sign and I decided that we needed to work harder on our marriage. I wasn't happy, mostly with myself. My weight had gotten the better of me. So, we decided to have weight loss surgery together. This brought us together for a time.

    Last Spring I started thinking about turning 40 and the fact that I had spent more than half of my life with one person and where did my life go. So, I did a lot of soul searching. In my quest, I realized that I needed to spread my wings and go forth with the life that my weight had compressed. I decided that I wasn't going to settle for being just "ok".

    Don't get me wrong, I have led a very charmed life. Mr. Sign has been more than supportive of me for our entire relationship (21 years, 19 of them married). However, I realized that he wasn't entirely happy either.

    So, I told him to go find what made him happy. I believed that in letting him go, things would be easy for me. I thought I wouldn't have feelings because feelings are messy and I don't like letting them show. And, things were easy at first. I was doing my thing and he was doing his. We decided to continue to do our own thing but to stay married for the girls' sakes.

    This only worked for a few months when we both realized that it was too hard to go this route for everyone. Mr. Sign moved into an apartment that was closer to his job. It was an hour away from me and the girls. We decided that on weekends we would switch residences so that he could be with the girls and we wouldn't have to see each other. This worked well.

    A few months later, we decided that we needed to formally separate. We hadn't told anyone that we had been separated since June. Again, I assumed that this task would be easy because I didn't want to allow my feelings to be involved.

    Wow, this is getting wordy so I'm going to post this much and finish it at a later time....


    Kim H. said...

    Wow - I'm so sorry to read up to this part. I've noticed things about myself that are different after having surgery too - so far it's mainly been with the ways in which I dealt with things in my childhood.

    I will be praying for you - for peace and for healing.

    lime said...

    you've been missed jenn and i know the absence hasn't been an easy time. whether you are in the blogosphere or not, you've got friends who care about you and are thinking of you and want only good things for you.

    big hugs.

    kimmyk said...

    aw. i wondered what was happening with you SG. i'm so sorry all this is going on for all of you.

    i hope that the life that you have is a happy one now...and for mr sign too. that's all you can hope for for anyone.

    we're all here for you....i've missed you!

    sending big hugs your way.

    Michelle said...

    I am sorry to hear about this...I am a unfortunate product of a divorce after my surgery too :( sometimes small things rollercoater into big things....

    snowelf said...

    Jenn, You are so brave and you have been through so much... I cannot send you enough hugs and love.


    Susy said...

    You were missed Jenn! I come often looking for a update. You have inspired many of us in the past few years.

    It's time to take care of you. Time to get to know yourself again. I believe in you and you will come up on top.

    Hugs to you my friend! Missed ya!

    Sheri said...

    Jenn, you know we've talked through this. Loosing the weight, we also loose the buffer of our feeling about the events in our lives as well. I've had my trials with trying to numb the pain. Keep taking care of yourself. We're here for you and if you want to call and just have me listen to you breathe, that's ok too. I'm hugging you.

    Sarah663 said...

    Hey, Jenn- I have been thinking about you and just checked your site the other day for an update!! I know that your life has changed so much and that you are trying to do what's best for yourself - just keep on doing it!! I have been reading you since right before you had the surgery...back in the days when KJ was writing all the time - I think I found you through her! Anyway, keep us posted. You've got a lot of friends out there in blog world!

    G-Man said...

    You having fun yet?

    S said...

    Hi Jenn
    Being honest is always best.
    That you two have been brave enough to "go there" has to be difficult.
    I wish you, your um husband, and your lovely kids the best.
    Be brave, and be proud of all that you have accomplished, that you both were able to look inside yourselves, and that old saying,
    "when one door is closed, another is open', mon"

    I am proud of you.
    So proud.


    Michele in Michigan said...

    I support you, no matter what :)

    Sending hugs your way. you are stronger than you know.

    Sicilian said...

    So sorry. . . but stuff happens. .. it isn't easy to disolve all those connections that the years bring. . . I have done it. . . it wasn't fun. . . but I have grown.
    Best wishes. . . . the kids will survive.
    Take care of you!

    jillie said...

    No matter who wants this or the circumstances, it's NEVER EVER easy.

    Know that there are a LOT of people out here Jenn that just love and adore you.