Bon Jour!

Well hello there! Yes, G-Man, I realize that I missed my quarterly post. That's because life has been so busy.

Firstly, my girls quickly came to their senses and came home. We worked things out. I think they realize that I am one of the few people in this world who will love them no matter what.

My oldest daughter graduated from high school 18th in a class of almost 300. Not too shabby. Because of her scholastic merits, she was able to get most of her first year of college paid for. In August, we took her 500 miles from home into the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and dumped her into her new life. I was surprised to find that my child, the child who has counted down the days to when she was leaving home since she was 11, was completely homesick. I never expected that, nor did she. She's still working on being a grown up. As she says, "Being an adult sucks!" I am so proud of her. She is an amazing girl.

Lake Superior with my girls

Last dinner as a family


Lake Michigan on the Cut River Bridge on the way home

Now, onto more unpleasant subjects, my weight. I have been struggling desperately with my weight (as you can see in the pictures). I am up 20 pounds from my lowest weight. My weight loss surgeon warned me that he has seen very few weight loss surgery patients that don't gain back at least 20 pounds. I am nearly 4 years out from surgery. Most people begin to gain in the 2nd year. I don't know how I was able to keep it off as long as I have. I know that my eating habits are not what they should be. I've also found that I have been compensating for stress with food. It's really killing me inside. I feel the old fat girl creeping back into my head. I know it affects the way I carry myself. I have no self confidence any more.

I pretty much spend my entire life worrying. I worry about my girls, money, my weight and about my love life. The stress is really getting to me. Being single is a lot of work, but I still have to remember that I made the right decision. I still have my house and recently paid off my van. The day after I paid off my van, my dad hit the front end and did $500 worth of damage.

One of the more worrisome things I have to worry about is my neighborhood. It had been a great neighborhood when I moved in 20 years ago. Unfortunately, many have lost their houses and they have been snatched up by slum lords who rent to drug dealers. On the night of July 4th, the house across the street had a bomb detonated between the two front doors. The front windows and doors were blown off and into my house. You haven't lived until you've heard a bomb at 1:30 AM literally jolt you physically out of bed, only to hear it raining glass on your house. I have never felt panic like that. The woman who lives there was only slightly injured because "Something told her to go into the other room and shut the door". Had she been in her normal spot, she would have been dead. This is not an attempted murder case. This is also one of 3 ongoing court cases revolving around that particular property. These include several different families who have moved in and out. It's pretty crappy when you are scared to death to go home.

So, yes, I am alive and kicking. Struggling, but kicking! I have been blogging for over 5 years. Where does the time go?

A Day To Be Remembered

It was a gorgeous September morning when I dropped my oldest daughter off to her fourth grade class and my youngest to kindergarten. The sun was warm on my face and the temperature was a perfect 75 degrees as I hopped into my car on my way to work.

I was working as a personal assistant to a local business woman in her home. She was already working on a fundraiser at the Red Cross when I got to work. I began my day inputting some things into the computer when the phone rang. It was my husband telling me to turn on the TV because something was going on in New York City. Just as I turned it on, I saw an airplane hit the World Trade Center. I didn't know then that this was actually the second plane that had hit.

I felt like someone had hit me hard in the stomach as I sat down to watch the ongoing horror. I prayed harder than I've ever prayed that everyone involved would be able to get out of the buildings.

I knew my prayers had gone unanswered as I watched the collapse the first tower followed by the second but still had hope that some would be found quickly.

As soon as my boss came home I told her that I needed to leave because I knew I needed to do something to help. She had been watching while at the Red Cross.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do but decided that I would give blood. When I got to the Red Cross, I couldn't find a parking spot so I parked on the lawn. I spent 5 hours waiting to give what I thought would surely help all of the hurt and dying WTC people.

Even though the room was filled with over 200 people, it was silent. We were all transfixed on the television.

While I waited I could only think about my girls sitting at school not knowing what was going on. All I wanted to do was hold them close to me and know they were safe.

After leaving the Red Cross, I drove to the school only to be met with a notice that the school was on lockdown and no one would be allowed in under any circumstance. I felt a lump rise up in my throat as I panicked knowing my girls needed me. I tried to calm myself down and decided that they were indeed safe. I would've been no help in comforting anyone anyway.

When I got home and turned on the TV, I found things to be even worse. I sat watching in disbelief that something so evil could happen in the United States of America. My thoughts went to those that were in the buildings, planes and rescue teams. How afraid must they have been?

The girls came out of the school and ran to my waiting arms and kissed my tear stained cheeks. I held them close to me the entire night as I was left trying to explain the tragedy that I myself had no idea of why it happened.

Gone but never forgotten.