Where Was I?

Life as a separated, single parent is just plain strange to me. Most of my friends don't call or make an effort to find out how we are doing. Their response is that they just don't know what to say. "We always thought you were the perfect couple.". I'm here to tell you that nothing and no one is perfect in this world.

For those people that assume that the dissolution of our marriage was based solely on both of us having weight loss surgery, you simply have no idea. Our problems started way before that. What I will say about losing over 200 pounds, is that it gave me the courage to know that I could venture out on my own. I knew at 384 pounds that the world was too mean to fat chicks and wouldn't allow me to live life alone.

Living life on my terms has empowered me to know that I can make it in this world. It has also given me moments of sheer terror about being all alone. I become panicked when I think about what I have to do totally on my own. Things like keeping up the lawn and taking care of the house. (I should tell you that Mr. Sign has given the house and most of the contents to me. He has been more than fair and for that I am grateful.) During these fits, I basically lose my mind and cry my eyes out for no apparent reason. I hate emotions, or at least hate showing my emotions. I've always been the strong one who was there for everyone else. I'm not used to having to lean on others for emotional support. God has put new people in my life to help me along this journey, since the old ones seem lost.

Only those that have been there seem to understand that divorce is worse than a death. At least with death, there is some finality. I find myself happy one minute and sobbing the next. Mourning a lost time, not necessarily a lost relationship. I miss the simplicity of married life. You know the one: Get up, go to work, come home and cook dinner, watch tv, go to bed, lather, rinse, repeat.

Things seem harder because Mr. Sign and I remain friends and don't hate each other. Sometimes I think it would be easier to break that 21 year old relationship if we despised each other.

Some of you have asked how I'm doing with my weight. I'm going to be totally honest and let you know that I have regained about 8 pounds. This scares the crap out of me. I know that it's because I have become a stress eater. I am powerless over food. No matter how hard I try to avoid bad foods, the more they seem to call out to me, promising comfort from the evils of the world. The more I worry about eating, the more I want to eat.

Regardless of how bad I know it's going to be, I still weigh myself every day. I spoke with my weight loss surgeon and he assured me that weight gain is normal. In fact, most people gain back at least 20 pounds. I don't want to be that statistic. I am hopeful that with the approach of Spring will come a loss of appetite.

I also struggle with the fact that when I do lose weight, it is usually in my face. I don't like looking gaunt and sickly. I also don't like my big fat rear end. It's kind of a toss up, big butt or super skinny face.

Thank you all for your kind and sincere words. You have no idea how much it means to know that you are there for me during this turbulent time in my life.

I will leave you with a few pictures of the girls and me:

A Few More Birthday Pictures

These pictures were taken at the Ghost Bar on the top of the Palms Hotel on my birthday.

Check out the view behind us:

Here we are and I'm not really sure what we were doing. Too much alcohol:

I really will eventually get around to posting the story of the Las Vegas trip. Hopefully this week.

Random Vegas

Here we are on my birthday. This is me, Stacy & Becky. Becky bought me the tiara, which I've always wanted. Love it!

Here we are at the Ghost Bar on top of the Palms hotel:

I'm having a blast! Will post more when I have time, but keep watch up top for Twitter updates.

Overheard

Walking through the mall with my friend, we noticed a kiosk selling body jewelry.

My friend said, "You should get your belly button pierced."

My reply was, "Have you SEEN my belly button?"

Friend, "No."

My retort, "Me neither!"

Hopefully this didn't lose anything in translation.

Blah!

I had a pretty boring weekend. I did go and see friends on Friday night and after a great night of food and fun, went back to my car to find that it wouldn't start. Luckily for me, since I was an hour and a half from home, my friend let me stay with her. We went back to the car the next morning and got it started. The car has been acting up and I believe it has something to do with bad gas.

I'm really in a dismal place right now. Not looking forward to winter and the cold that it brings. The weather here was in the 70's until Saturday when the bottom dropped out and the high was 35 degrees. I love the snow, but the cold is going to be wicked on my now less fat body.

The situation I'm in has not gotten any better, in fact, things have become harder than I ever dreamed. I'm persevering to try and make things work as this whole thing involves not just me, but my family as well. Thankfully, I have some amazing family and friends who are keeping me on the better side of sanity.

So, please forgive me if you don't see me around as much. I'm trying to work on life right now as it seems to need my extra attention.

More Weekend Debauchery

As I mentioned in the previous post, I was invited to go to my first college football game. I live about 4 miles from Michigan State University and have tailgated outside the stadium on numerous occasions, but have never actually been in the stadium.

After staying up way too late on Halloween and drinking more than my share, it was a little rough to get moving the next morning. We had to drive an hour to get to MSU because we had stayed in Grand Rapids. This meant we had to get up earlier.

The day was perfect weather wise. The temperature was in the low 50's when we arrived, but the sun was out and the breeze was slight. We walked a ways to get to the stadium. We walked up so many ramps to get to our seats that I was afraid I was going to get a nose bleed. I think this helped to rid my body of some of the toxins from the night before.

This is my friend, S, in all her MSU regalia:

I'm always impressed with marching bands, probably because I was in one once and know how tough it is. Here is the MSU Marching Band:

I normally am not a football fan because I have no idea what is going on in the game. Watching the game from our vantage point, I could actually tell what was happening. It was awesome!

I had my front pouch filled with crap and I look like I weigh 400 pounds in this picture, but it's the only one I have:

So, I loved the experience of watching a real game played. After the game we had to hustle back to the West side of the state to go to a party. Stacy's friends, who are now my friends had graciously invited me to their little soiree. I have to say that the food was simply superb. The host had made beef tenderloin that literally melted in your mouth. He had marinated it, rubbed it, and glazed it (how kinky does that sound, hehe?). You know how much I love a good piece of meat. All of the food was amazing and the company was even better. I didn't know a whole lot of people, but managed to mingle and have a great time, without imbibing in alcohol since I was still hung over. The drink menu was even more impressive than the food if that is possible. Much time and planning was put into this party and was aprieciated by all.

Now you can see why I needed an extra day to recouperate.

Here We Go Again

This weekend was very social for me. My friend and I went to the bar on Halloween all decked out in our costumes (she was Tina Turner). I cannot begin to tell you how much fun we had nor how drunk I was. I paced myself but when alcohol hits my post gastric bypass bloodstream, it takes very little to do damage. I'm a cheap date.

It was very interesting to see all the different costumes. We met some fun people including our cab driver.

Here we are on our way out:

This guy was hilarious!

Me with the Reno 911 cop:

This guy really looked like Gene Simmons
and his wife was hot too:

I thought this was the best costume of the night, but maybe it's
because I love Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow:

Another Jack Sparrow and Twin Michael Phelps:

This guy was a hoot! He totally played the part.
My friend tried to seduce him:

This next picture lets you know just how drunk I got.
The guy sort of resembled Kid Rock, but I don't really think
he had a costume on:

A Phelps sandwich as we danced, but not on the dance
floor because it was too crowded at this point.

We made it home by 2:30 and had to get up early to go to my first college football game. ( I'll post a few of those pictures soon.)

It's always amazing to watch peoples' inhibitions dissipate while wearing their costumes. We took over 50 pictures. Many were not fit for viewing by the public. Let's just say that I have some under the kilt pictures and everything you've ever heard is true.

Hope you all had a great weekend. I need another day to recuperate from Friday.

Margaritas, Anyone?

I had a great time this weekend. Friday night was spent at a girls' margarita party with my family. A few of us ended up spending the night. There was more food than any group of 38 could ever have eaten.

My aunt's Chihuahua was our mascot for the evening:

This is my aunt making the good stuff:



My mom on the left and a friend that
she worked with 20 years ago
(half of my grandma is on the far left):



My friend and her mom on the swing.
Isn't it cute how they cross their legs the same?



My friend (from kindergarten) me all sweaty and gross (It was 98% humidity and about 90 degrees out in my defense. A lot of jello shots later, I realize that when I'm drunk, I smile so big you can see my gums), and friend's mom.
Can you say drunktards?



This was taken a little earlier in the evening, but
I still have that gum thing happening:




The following night I got to attend a pig roast. The food was to die for. I've never seen such a spread. I ate until I nearly burst.

If you are offended easily, don't view the picture of
what was left of the pig:



This is me before we left for the barbecue.



I bought a size 12 short and a large top. This was mind blowing considering when I started this journey, I was wearing a size 36 pant (that's 11 sizes!) and a size 5X shirt. For the first time ever, I actually felt like I looked ok.

I felt almost confident when I walked into the party even though I hardly knew anyone. No one knew my secret that I was normally the fattest person in the room.

Another Day In Paradise

I got the chance to run away again to my friend's house in Holland on Lake Michigan. Friday night we played the poker tournament and I came in 3rd which gets you absolutely nothing. I had a great time despite that. We didn't get to bed until 4 AM. We decided that we are getting too old to party like that too much.

Saturday we relaxed by and in the pool the entire day. It was heavenly. I told my friend that all of my worries and anxiety were at the bottom of her pool.

Yesterday, my friend's friend took us out on his boat. This boat was purchased new by his grandfather in 1951. It is a wooden boat which paves the way for some great double entendres. So we all laughed about getting to ride the woody.

There were no waves on the big lake, Lake Michigan, which is unusual. I've never seen so many boats speeding around. It was just a gorgeous day.

This is me after swimming to the beach:

Me again:

My friend and me:

Friend enjoying the ride:

Two sunburned dorks:

View of the dunes at the Blow Out in
Holland, Michigan (taken while moving):

Me and the captain:

Me and S on the woody:

We finished off the night with dinner. This was mine,
Asiago, spinach and artichoke dip with toasted pita chips:

This was another introspective weekend that allowed me to try and figure out where I fit in this world.

Back to reality...

Ahhh!!

I got a text from my friend who lives on the West coast (of Michigan) on Saturday evening. She invited me to come over and enjoy her pool and spend the night. How could I pass that up? No kids, no husband, no worries.

So, I literally threw my crap in a bag in less than a minute and was on my way. I remembered when I got halfway there that I forgot my pajamas (probably because I never wear them, ever).

I cannot tell you how awesome it was just to float around the pool while my worries and troubles dissolved in the water. Could have been the alcohol helping with that, not sure.

This friend is the best friend I have in this world. We went to kindergarten through high school, so we are closer than my sister and I. We got to reminisce about old times and the times to come.

Sunday we spent the entire day in the sun. I was sun drunk. I had not given a thought to home and all of my responsibilities until I realized it was 5:30 pm and I had an hour and a half drive home.

I called Mr. Sign and he gave his blessing for me to spend extra night. Lucky for me, I don't have to work today so everything worked out just perfectly.

I'm just going to chill a little more until I have to be thrown back to reality.

More Wild Weekend

Here we have my friend's mom on the left, her cousin from San Antonio, my friend and me at a wine tasting. It only takes 5 tastes and I'm half in the bag. I can't believe how hard wine hits my system. It was fun none the less.



The rest of the pictures I took were mostly of her new house and her work friends.

Today, I was walking my usual path in my most favorite places in the woods.

(this is me walking today)

I realized quickly that my body had decided to get rid of the fluids that didn't want to let go of from the weekend. I was at least 1.5 miles from the bathrooms so I looked around for a private place to go. I found a private place, but it was filled with so many mosquitoes that I decided I didn't want to risk having my butt swell from all the bites.

I took off across the woods and made it to the bathroom in the nick of time. Two guys were on the roof fixing some damage done by last week's storms. I was worried that they would be able to see me in the bathroom because there were sky lights that are above the toilet areas. I decided that my bladder could no longer wait.

I glanced at the sign across the building and decided that it read Men's Room and headed the other direction. I did my business and left the stall to wash my hands, only to find a man standing at the sink. I immediately realized that I was in the wrong restroom. I stated this to him and he just smiled a huge grin at me and I literally ran out, three shades of red darker. I'm thinking glasses are on the horizon for this nearly 40 year old. *sigh*

So, if you are looking to meet new people, use the other sex's restroom.

Wild Weekend

This past weekend, Mr. Sign and I went to my oldest (as in I've known her the longest, as opposed to her being old) friend's new house for the weekend. She has the most beautiful house, very close to Lake Michigan. She had quite the party on Friday night for about 50 people that she had catered with a bar tender. Very nice!

I made a few jello shots that were sugar free in varied sizes and flavors.
Everyone loved the fact that they weren't sticky like sugared ones.

The chef put on quite a spread. Unfortunately this is the only picture I got of food because I was a little tipsy from all the Jello shots.

Here we have the hostess on the right imbibing in a Duck Fart. Don't ask me as I was a little afraid of mixing my alcohol. My momma taught me to stick to one form.

This is my friend with the sign that I made her. In case you can't see it, it has Martinis on it with her new slogan in life.

This is me and her and I'm half in the bag after just one drink. My friend really liked the sign and had to explain to all the guests that I didn't just buy it, I made it.

This is the amazing pool at my friend's house. Mr. Sign took this picture because he said it looked like someone was peeing behind my head. What do you think?

This is where my friend ended up at the end of the night. One of her employees threw her in the pool with her brand new Blackberry in her pocket. She's sending him the bill.

I have more pictures I may post of my friend's house. It's amazing. We had a very nice weekend pretending to be adults without children. It was heavenly.

Flash 55, Take 37

We are going on a weekend long party at a friend's house. It is her divorce/housewarming party. 40 people will be staying at her house.

I made 200 sugar free jello shots, cucumber sandwiches and ham roll ups. I hope there is enough food to absorb all the alcohol.

Drunkenness will ensue. See ya!


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If you are interested in attempting to write a 55, you can visit here. If you do one, go tell G-Man that you did.

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Beach Pictures

Last Sunday morning I made my friend walk on the beach even though it was only 40 degrees. She told me that the light house was over four miles away. I had a hard time believing her since it looked so close. I knew I could make it.

I asked her if she knew I was going to make her walk all the way and walk the pier when we got there. She said she would expect no less of me. Once I set my mind to something, I'm going to achieve it.

My friend (since kindergarten) and I were lucky enough to find someone to take a picture of both of us together, then my batteries died. Why is it that the batteries always die at the wrong time? I guess any time is bad when you don't have more.

That is the light house in the background behind my arm. We had walked quite a ways toward it when we took this picture.

In the end, we walked almost 8 miles in two hours. I could never have done even 1/8 of this when I weighed nearly 400 pounds. I was so exhausted, but very proud of this accomplishment.