Did You Ever Have One Of Those Days?

I can remember when I worked in a very professional office. Being who I am, I was always the entertainment, whether it was because of a wardrobe malfunction or because I was using gummy bears to demonstrate the Kama Sutra. My wardrobe malfunctions almost always resulted from my pantyhose. They were always too long in the crotch and bunched up at the ankles. Let's just say that this body was not meant to wear lingerie.

So one day, I did my business in the restroom and came strolling out all perky and happy go lucky when one of the vice presidents points out that I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe. I pretended like I meant to carry someone else's booty wiper on my foot.


But, the most embarrassed I've ever been was when I was wearing a skirt. I was in a huge hurry to get back to my amazing job so I wasn't really paying too close of attention. I came flying out of the bathroom and sashayed my big old butt all the way across the building, only to realize that my skirt was tucked into the back of my skirt. I was hoping that no one had seen what happened, but my hope turned to sheer panic when I noticed all of the mail room guys pointing and snickering as I put myself back together. That had to be quite a show, for sure!




Nothing could be more embarrassing than this, though...


I hope it wasn't used.

What's Up?

It was over 90 degrees here yesterday. The normal high for Michigan is somewhere around 70 degrees. It's supposed to be around 92 today. Did I mention the humidity? It's like living in the butt crack of this guy ----->.

I had already put my summer stuff away, only to have to drag it back out. Grrrr.......

It's supposed to be highs in the mid 50's by Wednesday. The saying here in Michigan is, "If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes".

Hateful Hormones

I'm a total bitch lately. I find I have the urge to strangle someone, daily. I often stop and count to ten and laugh at how ridiculous my raving hormones are and then continue to flame on.

I hate feeling like this. One minute feeling like a bull charging a bullfighter, then the next, bawling my eyes out. I actually cried yesterday in my car listening to Five For Fighting's 100 Years.

The gall bladder surgery totally screwed with my cycle and THAT pisses me off (what doesn't). I have always been like clock work. Grrrrr..... I hate being a woman sometimes.

~rant~ Why do men always want to grab your chi chis when they are swollen and painful? Do they enjoy taking their lives in their own hands?

Mr. Sign wants to have separate residences for at least one week a month. Can you blame him?

Stale Nuts and Blowing Balls (again)

Here is a repost from last year. It still makes me laugh.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just giggle all day? Come on. Fess up.

Today was one of those for me. T (my stepdad who is also my boss) eats peanuts all day long. He's a little guy who flies around like a hummingbird so I guess he needs extra nourishment. Today when I came into work, the bag of peanuts was open. I burst out laughing and told him that he had stale nuts. (Insert nervous giggle along with outright guffawing). A little later (a minute) he decided to see how stale his nuts were. As we are working across from each other at the work bench I could smell his breath. It was all I could do to stop myself from saying, "I can smell your stale nuts from here". Again, I'm giggling and there is no way I'm letting him know why.

The nut story reminds me of another one. My friend and I were shopping just before Christmas in the mall. There was a cart in the center with a man selling flavored nuts. You know the ones that smell so delicious? So my friend decides that she has to go get some. I told her she should ask the vendor if she can smell his nuts first before she buys them. This lady standing next to us in the aisle rolled her eyes at me and walked away. I, of course, could not breathe because I was laughing so hard.

I have a really cute jacket that has pom poms on the ends of the strings for the hood. The funny thing about them is that the balls hit me right at the end of my nipples. So now I have balls on my nipples. It's been very windy the past several days. As I was walking up to the school to pick up my daughter, the wind blew the pom poms back. I again burst out in a fit of giggles and was still laughing when I entered the office. The secretary asked me what was so funny and I told her that it was so windy that it blew my balls back. The entire office exploded with laughter and I don't think much more work got done today.