Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off......

Many of you have emailed me asking how yesterday went at the amusement park. I wasn't sure I could tell you but changed my mind.

The weather was perfect. 90 degrees and sunny. The wind was blowing 50 miles per hour (which shut down many rides).

We arrived at the park and I was so excited to think of the day ahead. My mom and youngest daughter and I took off right away to ride the first ride. I had butterflies in my stomach as I waited in line listening to kids scream.

I stepped up, sat down and pulled the bar down onto my lap. It would not lock. The park employee tried pushing and shoving and told me to cross my legs and suck it in. It would NOT lock.

By this time I was so horrified about how embarrassed my daughter was that I jumped up and exited.

I was and am completely devastated. Tears streamed from under my sunglasses (I'm crying as I type this) and I had to take a few minutes to get myself together.

People who have not been morbidly obese have no idea how the obese brain works. I've lost almost 130 pounds. In my mind, I've done a great job and I think of myself as getting closer to normal. Then I'm reminded by incidents like this, that I'm still fat.

I decided not to let the entire day be ruined by my ridiculous insecurities. We took the family to the water park part. (Yeah, I know, me in a swimsuit in public.) I climbed 5 flights of stairs with daughter #2 and raced her down the body slide. We did it twice in a row. I can't believe that I climbed those stairs and did it without thinking of it until I got to the top and realized what I had done. I would have had a hard time climbing one fight before surgery.

I walked my butt all over that park and never gave a thought to being tired. It was freeing even though I did not meet my ultimate goal of riding a roller coaster.

Bashing

Well, it seems as though I've stuck my foot in my mouth again! On the last post I posted a picture that I found to be funny. It's a picture of a super obese man with a t-shirt that says "I beat anorexia". I guess I found it funny because of my own struggles with weight. When I posted it, I hoped it wouldn't be misconstrued as malicious.

Manny posted a very heartfelt comment about someone close to her that struggled with anorexia for many years.

Her comment got me to thinking (I know, I'm always in trouble when I start thinking). Would I think a picture of someone who weighs 60 pounds wearing a t-shirt that says "I overcame obesity" is funny? Hell, no!

This raises the question, why did I think the fat guy was funny? I've been obese my entire life and absolutely hate to be made fun of. I'm just as bad as the rest of the world. I am my own worst enemy.

Fat bashing is the last acceptable prejudice. I Googled "making fun of fat people" and over 100 websites popped up. The more I read the madder I became. Most people feel it's not ok to torment someone with disease or handicaps, but it is ok to slam the obese. Well, guess what? Obesity is a disease and can also be a handicap!

This rant must come to an end. I appologize to anyone I may have upset by posting that picture. To those of you who still like to make fun of fat people, (obviously, my self included) remember that you could become one some day!